Comments on: Gen X are the revolutionaries (and the NYT coverage of shared care stinks) http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/ Advice at the intersection of work and life Sun, 21 Mar 2010 12:24:50 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc hourly 1 By: ' + title + ' - ' + basename(imgurl) + '(' + w + 'x' + h +') http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/comment-page-2/#comment-160591 ' + title + ' - ' + basename(imgurl) + '(' + w + 'x' + h +') Fri, 01 Aug 2008 18:38:19 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/#comment-160591 [...] I was merely peeved. But the Brazen Careerist, aka Penelope Trunk, was livid. [...] [...] I was merely peeved. But the Brazen Careerist, aka Penelope Trunk, was livid. [...]

]]> By: May http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/comment-page-2/#comment-160529 May Fri, 01 Aug 2008 16:53:22 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/#comment-160529 Penelope, I do believe you were Out-Brazened by Marc and Amy ;) Weighing in belatedly.... www.startribune.com/cribsheet Penelope, I do believe you were Out-Brazened by Marc and Amy ;)

Weighing in belatedly….
http://www.startribune.com/cribsheet

]]> By: Dale http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/comment-page-2/#comment-154841 Dale Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:27:26 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/#comment-154841 If you place your children and the idea of parenting first, as anyone who makes a conscious decision to be a parent should, then everything falls into place - eventually. The question is when do you decide to place your children first? Is it before they are born, after conception, once they've been born, or after a period of time when problems have started to rear their ugly mugs:) The decision on parenting, lifestyle, career, and any other potentially lifelong "project" should be considered, tested and finally decided upon after much shared exploration, discussion, equally weighted decision making, and genuine caring by each partner, about the needs of the other parent and the children. Whatever the final decision on lifestyle, it should not be weighted too heavily in the direction of (for the benefit of) any of the stakeholders in the mix. Too much toward the parents and the children suffer, too much toward the children, and the parents lose themselves and eventually each other. Balance in all things, lots of research and observation, and the advice of trusted caring mentors are needed. You may still feel like you fail miserably, but the think of the possible alternatives if we don't do our homework beforehand... we see them all around us. My two cents worth. If you place your children and the idea of parenting first, as anyone who makes a conscious decision to be a parent should, then everything falls into place – eventually. The question is when do you decide to place your children first? Is it before they are born, after conception, once they've been born, or after a period of time when problems have started to rear their ugly mugs:)

The decision on parenting, lifestyle, career, and any other potentially lifelong "project" should be considered, tested and finally decided upon after much shared exploration, discussion, equally weighted decision making, and genuine caring by each partner, about the needs of the other parent and the children.
Whatever the final decision on lifestyle, it should not be weighted too heavily in the direction of (for the benefit of) any of the stakeholders in the mix. Too much toward the parents and the children suffer, too much toward the children, and the parents lose themselves and eventually each other. Balance in all things, lots of research and observation, and the advice of trusted caring mentors are needed.
You may still feel like you fail miserably, but the think of the possible alternatives if we don't do our homework beforehand… we see them all around us.

My two cents worth.

]]> By: Aaron http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/comment-page-2/#comment-153679 Aaron Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:07:11 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/#comment-153679 Jen, Crappy people make crappy parents. Full time workers, part time workers, shared caregivers, stay at home parents; makes no difference. It is who you are as a person and the environment you create for a child that puts them in the best position for success. Aaron Jen,

Crappy people make crappy parents. Full time workers, part time workers, shared caregivers, stay at home parents; makes no difference. It is who you are as a person and the environment you create for a child that puts them in the best position for success.

Aaron

]]> By: Jen http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/comment-page-2/#comment-153287 Jen Thu, 17 Jul 2008 17:29:23 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/#comment-153287 Oh my dear. Shared parenting gives you a crappy career because you will never be able to give your work the focus or time that it needs? Then working full time makes you a crappy parent. If I have to choose, and PT implies that I do, then I choose being a good parent - to hell with my career advancement. Oh my dear. Shared parenting gives you a crappy career because you will never be able to give your work the focus or time that it needs?

Then working full time makes you a crappy parent.

If I have to choose, and PT implies that I do, then I choose being a good parent – to hell with my career advancement.

]]> By: Jessica http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/comment-page-2/#comment-153224 Jessica Thu, 17 Jul 2008 12:22:33 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/#comment-153224 I'm glad someone else read that article and thought "shared care" was a joke. I'm not a career crazed chick, but I like working part time. I'm lucky that I have found opportunities to keep using my brain and earn a few bucks along the way. Since I work part time, I still take on more of the child related responsibilities and that's fine. Of course, my DH does the laundry on the weekends, does that mean we do "shared care"? I don't think so, but I do think we have a nice division of labor in our home that works for us. "Shared care" is just a silly catch phrase and an annoying, created "ideal" for us all to feel depressed about not achieving. Like I said before, I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees it this way. I'm glad someone else read that article and thought "shared care" was a joke. I'm not a career crazed chick, but I like working part time. I'm lucky that I have found opportunities to keep using my brain and earn a few bucks along the way. Since I work part time, I still take on more of the child related responsibilities and that's fine. Of course, my DH does the laundry on the weekends, does that mean we do "shared care"? I don't think so, but I do think we have a nice division of labor in our home that works for us. "Shared care" is just a silly catch phrase and an annoying, created "ideal" for us all to feel depressed about not achieving. Like I said before, I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees it this way.

]]> By: Monica http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/comment-page-2/#comment-152951 Monica Wed, 16 Jul 2008 19:23:36 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/#comment-152951 I'm neither a parent or married, but one of Amy's sentences hit a big chord with me: "...there is room in the world for people who don’t aspire to the standard American dream." The idea that EVERYONE not only SHOULD aspire to be, say, a CEO or president, but actually CAN be, always amused me. Yes, it can in fact happen to any one person, but BY DEFINITION not to every person. A company only has one CEO, maybe a hand-full of other top-level staff. That's all it CAN have. Lots of other people are needed to do lots of other tasks, without whom a CEO would not have anything to "CEO" over. I'm neither a parent or married, but one of Amy's sentences hit a big chord with me: "…there is room in the world for people who don’t aspire to the standard American dream."

The idea that EVERYONE not only SHOULD aspire to be, say, a CEO or president, but actually CAN be, always amused me. Yes, it can in fact happen to any one person, but BY DEFINITION not to every person. A company only has one CEO, maybe a hand-full of other top-level staff. That's all it CAN have. Lots of other people are needed to do lots of other tasks, without whom a CEO would not have anything to "CEO" over.

]]> By: 1WineDude http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/comment-page-1/#comment-150757 1WineDude Fri, 11 Jul 2008 03:04:12 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/#comment-150757 Interesting stuff for sure. Not sure I'd compare Generation X with French revolutionaries, though... a bit too 'Fight Club' isn't it? Interesting stuff for sure.

Not sure I'd compare Generation X with French revolutionaries, though… a bit too 'Fight Club' isn't it?

]]> By: HKV http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/comment-page-1/#comment-150440 HKV Thu, 10 Jul 2008 05:30:06 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/#comment-150440 I thought the photo from the NYTs was on the money - the staging and color treatment lent a surreal quality. A kind of creepy portrait of our 21st Century nuclear family ideal. The treatment fit the idea that this could be managed gracefully by all parties - if only we had better self-discipline - more self control, were fundamentally, impossibly better people. I think it speaks volumes that this couple are getting/seeking publicity for their great feat. I don't find the picture insipid - I think it's rich with subtext. That being said, as a musician who is with another musician in CA, we are not in the position of expecting 6 figs from one or both (hah!) and there's nothing like low expectations to ease the pain - as well as a healthy sense (not to sound sanctimonious - sorry) of what is actually important in life - Good luck to the wage-slaves! I thought the photo from the NYTs was on the money – the staging and color treatment lent a surreal quality. A kind of creepy portrait of our 21st Century nuclear family ideal. The treatment fit the idea that this could be managed gracefully by all parties – if only we had better self-discipline – more self control, were fundamentally, impossibly better people. I think it speaks volumes that this couple are getting/seeking publicity for their great feat. I don't find the picture insipid – I think it's rich with subtext.

That being said, as a musician who is with another musician in CA, we are not in the position of expecting 6 figs from one or both (hah!) and there's nothing like low expectations to ease the pain – as well as a healthy sense (not to sound sanctimonious – sorry) of what is actually important in life – Good luck to the wage-slaves!

]]> By: Ardith http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/comment-page-1/#comment-150351 Ardith Wed, 09 Jul 2008 22:18:14 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/07/gen-x-are-the-revolutionaries-and-the-nyt-coverage-of-shared-care-parenting-stinks/#comment-150351 Always interesting, Penelope. And you write brilliantly. Here are my two cents. Every generation believes it's revolutionary in one way or another; seems to go with the territory. And in one way or another, each is. Finger-pointing toward the last generation regarding parenting skills (or lack thereof) and its impact on the current generation is also standard practice. Kudos to Margaret for her remarks. For unless you're in the middle or upper class in Russia, China, or now Brazil, everyone gets the opportunity to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous economic fortune. And whether our focus be work, home, or a combination of the two, knowing which works for us and pursuing that lifestyle is what should make us proud. Deciding that one or the other has more value is not. Always interesting, Penelope. And you write brilliantly. Here are my two cents. Every generation believes it's revolutionary in one way or another; seems to go with the territory. And in one way or another, each is. Finger-pointing toward the last generation regarding parenting skills (or lack thereof) and its impact on the current generation is also standard practice.

Kudos to Margaret for her remarks. For unless you're in the middle or upper class in Russia, China, or now Brazil, everyone gets the opportunity to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous economic fortune. And whether our focus be work, home, or a combination of the two, knowing which works for us and pursuing that lifestyle is what should make us proud. Deciding that one or the other has more value is not.

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