my parents divorced when i was 16. it was hard, but i wish they had been as honest with themselves as they thought they were being with me. of course this is age appropriate advice and i know that you have discernment regarding your child.

as far as the train wreck stuff goes, no, i dont come for the preceived train wreck. i come because i think you try to walk your life out as messy as it gets at times. and though this might seem odd or strange to you or the fellow readers, i do pray for you, nino and your kid.

Penelope,
I enjoy when you post about your divorce because part of what I enjoy about you as a blogger is that you don't pretend that you aren't also a person with a personal life. And you do your best to incorporate your personal experiences into your articles in a legitimate way. In a way, it increases your credibility and authority.
Good luck with your divorce. Just keep doing what you're doing, and don't focus so much on finding "the next one"–focus on completing your divorce and working on your company first.

It took 3 years for my divorce to be final. Those closest to my at work knew about the divorce, and they were very supportive. But even with their support, I still managed to screw alot of things up. Thank goodness I'm not a surgeon! By the time the divorce was final, I felt I could be fired anyday. Now, alot of that was in my head; apparently my errors were not earthshaking, but that didn't stop me from feeling like a walking talking imposter. I wanted advice on how to manage career and divorce, and I never found it until I came upon your blog. Thank you for sharing. It really does get better.

Brava. Go deliberately and with curiosity, not perfectly. My divorce was declared final two weeks ago, narrowly missing a full trial. I spent 3 of the past 7 months in hiding, while running a business. Yesterday a client said, "I had no idea all that was going on in your life". I was relieved to not have to hold up the facade any longer. Life and work intersect and somehow we have to run them both even when they get messy. Smug people should watch out…chances are they'll get their chance to test their theory in more vivid color than they may have intended.

Hmmm… having a strange man around all the time, calling Mom, her going to meet him WITHOUT the kids…

or introducing him to your kids as your friend Alan, and going to McDonald's, and acting like it's nothing out of the ordinary.

The first one isn't suspicious at all, won't cause the kids to talk about it with their friends or feel insecure… and the second one is worth of reproach?

Be real.

If she was a man and already dating all the guys would be in here cheering him on. This marriage was over a long time ago. Mentally she's halfway ready to date. The other half is going to take a very, very long time. And some people think about EVERYTHING in a situation.

How dare you think about anything but your children??????? BAD MOM. I'm being facetious. But worrying about how you feel and how you'll manage your career is ultimately how you're going to support your children and if you feel secure about it, they will feel secure about it.

Divorce is messy and embarrassing and difficult and anyone who hasn't been through it needs to take a big step back from the judgement soapbox.

You're right to worry about money. Certain decisions in divorce (alimony, child support) are predicated on the assumption of a certain level of income. Once these are established in the divorce settlement, they are hard to change, and often require a court action to change. This will reduce your flexibility in your career, e.g. it will make it much more difficult to take time off, or to take a big pay cut to pursue a different line of work or an entrepreneurial activity, etc. Bottom line is this: divorce is expensive and disruptive to all aspects of your life, and should be avoided if at all possible.

I don't read your blogs because you are a train wreck. I read your columns because your blogs give a healthy perspective of a woman in the "real" world…attempting to balance work and life.

Thank you for your transparency!

You're going to become a completely different person over the next few years. Your wants and needs are going to change, as will your perspective on divorce. I don't find it remotely strange that you can't imagine falling in love, that dating is weird, or any of that other stuff. I can't promise that you won't wind up hopelessly "broken" from the process through which you're currently going, but don't assume too much. As I suggested yesterday, the book 'Stumbling on Happiness' teaches us that our vision of the future is clouded by what we think and feel today, since we cannot possibly know what we will think and feel in the future. It's somewhat counterintuitive, but it also makes perfect sense.

I'm an idiot.

Unfortunately your lawyer doesn't subscribe to your statement that "In my heart of hearts I still believe the most important thing is to be nice." What would Nino say to this? Are you really being honest? Or are you only concerned about finding sex, a date, a fresh bikini wax, and another box of chocolate covered fruit? You're hardly being consistent P. Which is the real you?

Penelope,
Blogs have been found to be very therapeutic and have helped many people get through the “dark times” because they provide an outlet for thoughts, require personal reflection and allow others to give a fresh perspective on a person’s underlying motives and challenge their rationalizations. Conclusion: blogs have been proven to be effective therapy tool. I can find the articles if you like.

However, lawyers work best when you stay out of their way (and not feed your adversaries) and let them do their job. Having only read you blog for a couple of weeks, it is pretty obvious you are a type that follows your heart. You’ll figure out which course of action is best.

On stealing assets: Having gone through a nasty probate, your ex’s unfounded fears can be expected. He probably doesn’t feel in control of this adversarial situation (in his mind for sure) and by creating a stink he is attempting to assert it. As far as dividing assets: studies have shown that most people think that they are fair and honest and will split things “down the middle”. Truth is a most people believe this but feel their fair share is 60-75% and a split “down the middle” should favor them by at least 10%. The best thing you can do in this situation is to be firm and keep an eye on his underlying motivations.

As far his refusal to use “Penelope”, it is once again a way for him to feel in control of the situation. (As might be your insistence he uses it.) If it is very important to you, be firm and clear in your assertion. For divorce purposes it might be a small point that distracts from the bigger issues. That is for you to decide.

Keeping a sense of humor is very important. It often diffuses the tension and allows an opening to reach a mutual understanding. Good point.

Time management and a clear perspective are important. In stressful life transitions it is always important not to try to rush through to get to the next step. While you may be thinking of eventually integrating a new man into you life, there is no reason to feel you have to be ready to do it at this time. This might be best thought of as a “future project” and time spent pondering such actions be spent on other things.

"I’m worried that I’ll never fall in love. That’s normal, right? I mean, I know it’s normal if you are fifteen and get dumped, so it must be true now, too."

Yes it is very normal to have moments of doubt. The good news is that it is also silly. You have a lot going for you and on top of it you have enough common sense to know that true love, like anything worth while, takes time. My recommendation is not to rush to find the next best thing.

"I’m also worried about money."

"Don’t worry about money, it’ll show up."
-Alaskan Proverb

The biggest fear of not having money is the fear of not having money. Having grown up in the scarcity of the 70s and 80s and often being hungry as a child, not having money was a scary prospect. I, like you, made sure throughout my life I’ve had enough funds insure flexibility and security, but it wasn’t until I willingly took the risk to pursue my dreams regardless of money that I learned that if you have an ounce of brain power, you’ll do just fine. Another important thing to remember friends are more valuable than money. If times ever get so bad, friends will step in and help out. Penelope: You are smart and resilient. While times might get tough from time to time, you will always do just fine. This I guarantee.

"I also worry that you are only reading this stuff because I’m a train wreck."

Honestly, I do not believe you are a train wreck. Nearly everyone goes through personal crisis and loss of faith in one’s abilities during their lifetime. This is a real, quite normal and nothing to be ashamed of. One positive note is that many people have been through this and are willing to help you. You will be a stronger, wiser and more compassionate person because of this. Good things to look forward to.

-Charles

I find it interesting that so many people have judgments to make, to tell you what you are doing right and what you are doing wrong. I'd imagine that many of the people still flogging you for getting a divorce, or spewing about how you don't care about your children have no basis from which to understand the situation at all.

So many people go on about how divorce is BAD, but never stop to consider why marriage is GOOD and WHY it should be upheld no matter what.

With regard to your worries, my own personal experience says that those things work themselves out, and that spending time looking for love/relationships/etc usually ends up in finding more of the same mistakes. At some point it becomes about "flow" – doing what feels right at the time, damn all the critics. To me, you seem to have a love-hate relationship with flow.

I blogged about divorce, including your impending divorce and people's common "judgments" on divorce, on my blog. http://exponential.steelbuddha.net/2008/04/07/divorce-common-bad-adviceassumptions/

I enjoy every moment of your blog. When you are going through something like this, it absolutely affects your work, whether you are a blogger, an exec or a postal clerk. This is the ultimate example of the 'intersection of work and life'. If I make it thru the day without throwing up or crying quietly in a bathroom stall, I consider it an accomplishment. Trust me, your situation is good compared to others. At least you have the money to pay for the best lawyers, even if they are only the best in little Madison, Wisconsin.

Take it from personal experience. The younger the children, the easier it will be for them to adapt.

My parents divorced when I was 18 months old. I'm now 42. In Illinois my parents were one of the first to have Joint Custody of me. I was an only child between them.

The marriage was doomed from the start.

I spent my childhood living with Mom and visiting Dad on weekends. My Dad remarried when I was 6, and he and my Step-Mom have been together ever since. In fact their anniversary is this week.

I never knew what it was like to live as a normal family. This nomadic life was my "Normal." It forced me to become more independent.

I lived with Mom until the end of Jr. High. Then I was sent to live with my Dad & Step-Mom. That was a huge adjustment to go through your teen years while living in a new house. I had to make new friends all over again as well as integrate with my 1/2 sister & 1/2 brother.

My Step-Mom could've said no. But she welcomed me, although i still had that "You're not my Mom." attitude. Her entire family accepted me as their own. Her parents became an extra set of Grandparents, her Brothers and Sister and their kids became uncles, aunts and cousins. To be honest her family accepted me as one of their own even before I moved in with them.

But it was not easy. Being a teen can be very difficult in addition to having to live in a new environment.

I stayed there until 1/2 way through JR. College then moved back with my Mom until I went to away to finish my Bachelors.

When I was in High School, I was in a Drum & Bugle Corps. We traveled all over and were gone every weekend during the summer. My Mom came with on a lot of my trips.

When I finally went away to school, I never had the homesickness that others had, I was used to being away and being nomadic.

I think that is why being a consultant fits me so well. And I think that is why my Wife's job of her traveling 100% every week is not as bad as it could be as a husband. I guess I married what I am used to.

My advice is this. Now that your husband is moving on, your kids are your #1 focus. Feel free to date (You're only human), but I highly suggest that you do not get remarried until the kids are out of the house. No one said it would be easy, but you and your husband made this decision and have to live with the consequences.

I was lucky. I have a fantastic Step-Mom, although it took me decades to come to that realization. I love my Step-Mom and in public she introduces me as her son to others along with her two kids.

This was my Step-Mom's first marriage and my Dad would take me on dates with them (Cubs Games, etc). My Step-Mom has known me longer than her own children.

My Real Mom never remarried. But that is OK. She dated and several of her boyfriends I actually wanted her to marry. But as a kid, I would get extremely jealous when she went out on a date. Some of the men, I came to like, but that is another extra burden a child takes on.

They just know that someone is stealing time away from you and them.

My situation is not perfect, I am extremely lucky. But please consider your relationship choices very carefully and how that impacts your kids.

As someone who is currently in the middle of a divorce (and trying desperately to sort MY goals from ones I developed while married)I found your post very refreshing.

It's hard to keep my mind on the career development I have been perusing while also walking through the minefield that a breakup tends to mirror…I wish you the very best of luck and I will keep reading for your insight and honesty!

About the things he says under his breath and fear of stealing assets, I went through this over 5 years as we tried to work out a financial settlement. I had been the primary breadwinner. He would not talk to me about specifics, but would drop little verbal bombs to the kids who would (as expected) pass them on to me. He began to feel less scared about being left in poverty when he learned he could draw Social Security based on my earnings rather than his. He really wanted to keep the house and that was fine with me. It worked best for our lawyers to talk these things out. Good luck.

Hi Penelope,

I haven't been able to blog about my impending divorce yet. I've been an open book on other big things in my life (breast cancer, reconstruction, etc) but haven't gone there.

Fortunately we don't have kids, and he's out of state already, but it is H A R D ! ! ! Dating is really H A R D too. I was so lonely in my marriage I am looking for companionship and a playmate right now, not a husband. It's just hard to find someone you click with….and puh-lease people, drop the judgemental crap….unless you've walked in someone elses shoes, don't go there.

Take care, Barb

Penelope-

We all read your blog because you are brilliant and bold. It takes a lot of courage to air your dirty laundry, so to speak, and express doubt about how well you're doing. I went though the same experience not too long ago (sans kids, however). It's a scary time, to be sure, and the ambiguity about how life will shape up in the future is paralyzing at times. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger (cliche, yes, but also very true).

I've recently read "Brazen Careerist". One of the things you said I actually repeat to myself: "If you never switch careers, never risk being a beginner, never bet on yourself, you will put your career in a coma". I think the same holds true for relationships and that you will land securely on your feet, happier than before. I'm not happy in my current career and I really think that having broken up with my Ex-husband that I am much better prepared to break up with a job that I'm not so fond of.

Thanks for all of the insightfullness you share with us and stay authentic!

Divorce is not evil. There is no moral failing in figuring out that you and your partner are incompatible to the point that staying together would do you and your children irreperable harm – even if it is only to the psyche.

I've been through a divorce. And I came out on the other side a much wiser person. I did nt have children with my former husband, but even if I had, it woulnd not have been in either of our best interests to prolong the marriage simply because marriage is "good" and divorce is "bad".

I am married now to a wonderful person, and we have two children. I am a much better wife to my dearest hubby than I would have been had I not tried so hard to fight for the first marriage. Eventually you figure out what is worth dealing with, and what is unacceptable.

Most women try so hard to make it work, and they'll do everything they can to make it work…until they just can't do it anymore. When you're done, you're done.

I stayed in a long marriage–18 years–for a lot of reasons: for our daughter; because I was afraid to strike out alone again in my mid-40s; because it was easier to deal with what I knew, even though it was unpleasant, than to face the unknown; because I had promised "forever" and really meant it, until I couldn't do it anymore. I know how hard it is to come to that decision finally to divorce.

Then after I divorced, I had a handful of the same crowd that seems to be in here telling me that I shouldn't date, that my daughter needed to be my priority. My daughter has ALWAYS been my priority. But sacrificing myself as a woman didn't strike me as a healthy way to display her importance in my life. I had been in a loveless, sexless marriage for so long that I had lost all confidence in my attractiveness, my sexuality, my intelligence: I honestly didn't know whether any guy that I thought was worth spending time with would find me worth his time. But I had been so lonely for so long that I wanted to find out. Not dating seemed more like a cop out than good parenting.

I did date, and made lots of mistakes along the way. It was in fact kind of fun, because my daughter was in her teens, and she was starting to date, too, and we wound up comparing stories and analyzing each other's relationships and feeling sometimes more like roommates than a parent and child. And yet she knew that she could count on me–that I paid the bills, and made sure she had tutoring or gymnastics lessons or whatever else was important to her (with very little assistance from her father, whose court-ordered child support was based on the part-time liquor store clerk job he had when we were married; stunning how quickly after our divorce that he was able to find a full-time job paying as much as mine, yet could still afford only $250 a month to help with our daughter's expenses. But I digress….).

What I meant to say here was that you will discover what path is right for you as you wander this meandering road from divorce to freedom. You know in your heart that your children are most important, and you will look after them. But that doesn't mean that you need to sacrifice your own possibilities of happiness, in career or romance or adventure, along the way. These are mutually attainable. And yes, you'll make mistakes; and sometimes be inconsistent (even here in your blog–quelle horreure!)–and all these aspects of you, despite those of your readers with nothing better to do than to point out your flaws (probably never bothering with enough self-examination to discover and work on their own), are what make you the charming, insightful and unique woman you are.

I'm one of your relatively new fans, and so we don't really know each other yet, but Penelope, you will be just fine. You are making good choices. Your children will have questions and moments of sadness or fear, of course, but as long as you maintain loving respectfulness and honesty with them, they'll be fine, too.

I wish you great happiness.

P or A Your transperency is just your way of sorting out problems. With life there is no grantee that you will be happy just that you will get the chance to wake to a new day and start over. My advice, take it and run!

Oh yes! I didn't know about the name but if I find out that is not realy you in the picture. I am going to delete you from my "Favorites"

1. Sitting around with your soon-to-be-ex-husband at a campsite talking about hatchets. Did neither of make the joke about burying it?

2. Why, especially if you are worried about money, do you both need expensive attorneys? Why do you need lawyers at all? Sure you need a neutral mediator to help you divide up the assets fairly? (In some countries you can get one appointed by the court and it's legally binding).

We come for your forthright honesty. Marriage is the toughest thing in the world, probably second only to raising kids. I admire your willingness to share your experience with the blogosphere and face the criticism you receive constantly.

I don't know anyone that was able to totally separate their divorce from their work-life. People wouldn't expect a co-worker who was diagnosed with a major illness to act as if nothing happened. The same holds true for divorces which are one of the most traumatic personal events a person can endure.

Conversely, managing the logistics of a divorce like a business seems to pay off. I know it is hard eliminate the emotion, but as a good friend told me – remember you are in the middle of one of the biggest business transactions of your life.

You will endure and thrive!

Jessica Bond
Medical Careerist

Just have to note something here… the majority of those commenting against your choice to share this trying time in you life are men…:) I'm curious if this is an automatic defense of another male or an issue of different communication styles?

Penelope, I read this blog because you are honest and smart and I like the way you think about life. Not because I feel better about myself because you feel bad about yourself. Stick with it and you'll make it through.

I don't get the part about a divorce coming with a certain promise to earn money. Is that a typo? Careers come with a certain promise to earn money but not divorces…?

Penelope,

May I call you Penelope? j/k.

I'm a new reader from the past week, but you've become a daily page for me. I landed on a different page, but this post compels me to comment. I'll share my experience, for what its worth.

I, too, as many other readers, have been through a divorce. It was finalized April 2006 and I've never been happier. We share a child together 50/50 and I'm currently incommunicado with my step daughter.

I haven't dated much at all and I have little interest in doing so. One of the reasons for that has been my considering what are my hard and soft non-negotiables for dating. For example, I've already been a step-parent and I'm not interested in doing that again, thus I won't date people with under age children (most of our generation at this time). That being said, I have many friends that are very close, all together satisfying many needs of emotional intimacy.

I've learned an incredible amount about boundaries and I've been able to apply them in all aspects of my life. I've also been able to convey them to my daughter, something I wasn't able to do with my step-daughter. Learning about boundaries was initially essential because of the difficulties in communication with my ex, but they've become so much more.

I've gained so much self respect and respect for others that my insecurities from the past have disappeared. I'm clear that I'm leading a life of principle and responsibility that goes much deeper than ever before in my life.

After taking classes (Parent's Turn and Kid's Turn) here in San Diego, I learned about my child's rights and honoring those has made co-parenting academic. My relation with my daughter is incredible and getting better every day. I've become so available as a parent, more so than I ever thought possible.

I spent my nest egg on lawyers (amongst other things) and yet the trial is still not over. I've learned through hindsight about choosing those types of financial battles. This one was not worth it, but I gained another invaluable lesson.

I've had many chances to practice discernment in all areas including who to introduce into my life, when and how. This applies to all my relationships.

All of these changes became possible due to the catalyst of divorce. I've gained clarity in every aspect of life, work included. I'm grateful every day for how my life has turned out.

I hope you have a sense of faith in things. My definition of faith has clarified as well and its rock solid. I always have something to fall back on.

Lastly, and I think this is the only suggestion I'm making, consider what you're grateful for today. Regardless of what's going on today, we're not in Myanmar, and we're not in Sichuan.

I'm honored that you would share so much of your life with me and I offer my support in kind. I wish you peace and commit to reminding you whenever you need that this too shall pass and everything will work out. I imagine things will be much greater than you can even imagine at this time, but I imagine you won't see it coming like you expect. Thus, have faith!

P.
My ex and I were divorced in 2002, and we had it mediated. We knew exactly what we wanted, and it was a breeze. We signed all the papers, then went and had lunch together. (It was our 10th anniversary – it was the least I could do..)

We're both MUCH happier people now. She's remarried to a fantastic guy. My 13-year old son Noah loves his step-dad, and Tim's son fron his first marriage has become Noah's older brother. My ex is now actively trying to fix me up with a girlfriend of hers. Noah is growing up happy and healthy with two great male role models in his life. It's not a bad situation at all!

At the other end of the spectrum: my parents were married for 38 years before my dad passed away in 1996. They barely spoke for the last 16 of those years. The tension, hostility, and anger in that household was so tough to deal with, that I basically left at 18 and never looked back. Only recently have I rekindled some semblance of a relationship with my Mom.

I ask your readers: which situation is worse?

Paul in DC
NoazDad

My divorce was relatively painless and the impact on my worklife was minimal. But it was not effortless, I had to learn to compartmentalize the "working me" from the "getting divorced me". Everyone deals with the pain of divorce differently. Some train for marathons, some drink too much. Some obssess and stalk, some go to Vegas and gamble. My advice would be – choose your 'pain compartment' carefully, the place that you put those emotions define what kind of person you are.

@michele – as I posted previously, I appreciate your candidness and honesty about your divorce. But I agree that the posts/tweets about flirting, dating, waxing, etc were a little too 'brazen' – might be good for careers, but not appropriate for something so intimate and personal, esp given your situation.

Penelope,

Train wreck? I think not… more like real person. Other people might have a negative perception of you in this regard because unlike every other person in the media, you are honest about yourself and your life. Society is so accustomed to people in the media "spinning" things, that we have become desensitized to real truth. I think most people treat the real truth like it is some disease that will kill them because nothing they are exposed to is real any more… all sanitized, non-offensive, kid-tested, mother-approved, drivel. Kudos to you and people like you for refusing to compromise on this point!!

Hm… as a newish reader, especially as one subscribed via email, I was surprised to see how personal and angry the comments on this entry were. Obviously we all bring some baggage with us and sometimes end up projecting it onto bloggers as much as anywhere else, but I wonder if the level of resistance and vitriol here has more to do with changing the brand, as Rcket suggested you were doing.

I don't know, maybe this percentage of personal and accusatory comments is normal around here. I think it's terrible boundaries to bitch someone out in their own blog, especially someone who's actually a stranger. But it happens. Sometimes.

Still, this is too much (for my taste anyway) and it seems to be a lot angrier in here than in the comments I've seen on your other posts so far. I wonder if some readers are feeling betrayed (subconsciously) because the rules seem (to them) to have changed, and that's making them snippier about stuff they might not agree with but might otherwise overlook.

Personally, I like the "life" stuff, and I don't find that this sets off any of my buttons, even though it may not all be how I would do it – and, as a new reader, I don't have many expectations set up yet. In fact, the "life" stuff is what piqued my interest in the blog. Well, not just the life stuff, but the clarity *and* transparency with which you write about everything.

@may – agree completely. We have passed the intersection of Work and Life and are now barrelling down the Divorce Highway at mach 10.

@Kim/Kristen/HeeHee,

As someone who has read all of your comments, both deleted ones and not, and recognized you as one and the same persona by your subject matter and level of anger, may I suggest this blog as a more appropriate place for you to share your frustrations…http://www.womansdivorce.com/divorce-blog.html

As I see it, Penelope was using this life-changing experience to draw parallels to how we deal with other aspects of our lives, especially work. I like that holistic point of view. It's those of us who were commenting that focused on divorce. Penelope used examples from her experience to give us insights into our lives generally. I like this approach; it is integrating. Let's look at what she really was saying: Surround yourself with smart people. Be consistent. Keep your sense of humor. Manage your time well. Be honest. How is this not the essence of crisis management? It's those of us who sympathize with the anguish of divorce who focused on that instead of the life-lessons she offered. This is a matter of OUR perspectives, not hers. She's still right there finding the nugget of truth in the midst of difficulty and offering us advice that carries well into ANY crisis: a layoff; a national tragedy; an environmental disaster; an Enron. Let's step back a little and see the gem she really gave us here.

I feel your pain Penelope. Earlier this year, my wife returned from here tour in South Korea and told me she wanted a divorce. I found out through a little snooping (is it wrong to snoop?)that she had met a Canadian online playing World of Warcraft.
It has been 3 months since she got back, under Texas law , we can't file for divorce until 6 months after we moved here. Since I was a stay at home dad before we moved to texas, I had been out of regular full time work for 4 years. I decided that in the best intrest of me, and my 4 year old daughter, that I should go back to school. Now that I am back in school and working full time to save up for the cost of the divorce and moving out on my own, I realize how hard it's going to be trying to balance my school, my daughter, and my job.
The wife and I are trying to keep everything as cordial and friendly as possible considering the circumstances. We both realize that fighting isn't going to solve anything, and it's certainly not going to be healthy for our daughter. Sometimes I just feel like it's not going to work out the way we want it too.
All in all, It's a challenge. Balance is the key and finishing my schooling is the most important item on my list right now. Earning my degree will allow for me to provide for my daughter the way she wants, and deserves. It will also allow me to live my life the way I want to.
I'm also with you on the whole "Another Man" issue. I couldn't even fathom brining another woman into my life, although my wife has already brought another one into hers (even though we're not divorced yet).
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. I hope everything works out for you.

John H

Penelope,
I love you, man. In a Bud Light sort of way. No, I don't think it's normal to wonder if you'll ever fall in love. It's normal to expect it. But to doubt is, I think, the more rational response. I wonder how many divorces have their genesis in people's convincing themselves that they're in love.
Yeah, there is that rubbernecking aspect to this whole thing, but don't hold it against us. That's the nature of story. Your life is a story and you have that rare gift of being a great story teller, and you demonstrate that every time you tie in seemingly unrelated parts of the story to convey your theme. The name usually associated with the term "trainwreck" these days is Britney. But if we use her as the standard for trainwreck, you've got to acknowledge that you're still on track, if suffering from a little loss of steam. And even then you're funny as hell.

Train wreck? You are undergoing the crash of the Old 99. In technicolor.

Just take a look at 2008 so far – fired by Yahoo, dragged into a divorce. You may still be at the Boston Globe, but no recent columns are appearing on their website. I don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised to learn that not all is peachy with the start up, if only because start ups are so intense on their own and all this extra personal intensity may be a bit much for the other team members.

Part of me reads your blog for the same reason I riffle through the tabloids at the supermarket checkout lines. Part of me wishes you weren't distracted by all this personal stuff, because I think this level of personal angst is not, overall, helping your writing on career topics. Divorce with kids is, after all, old people stuff. All this divorce and custody stuff just underscores how much closer you are to being the mom of a Gen Y worker than a Gen Y, which can't be good for your brand position.

It will be interesting to see where it ends up. You are a survivor, so I don't see you going down for the count. You will bounce back, personally, and professionally if need be. You may need some serious reinvention. You will still certainly have issues. But you will survive. It will be interesting to see how it all works itself out. I am just glad to be watching it, not living it.

Penelope, one more thing, I am really sorry for what you're going through. At the end, I trust you'll come out stronger and better.

@JimC and Rob: The fact that this is not something that men generally do does not in itself make it odd. Women make up half the population so something that women in general do can not by definition be odd.

Your ability to be honest, vulnerable and relevant without crossing over into narcissism is what makes your blog remarkable. What makes it addictive, is that despite your many successes, your life can be messy, too. It takes guts to write with generosity and it takes talent to make it look easy. I know from experience that the upside of going through a lot of crap is having some great stories to tell. In the blog genre, I guess you have to decide if you want to be a resource or a presence.

@Caitlin: I don't think you read the comment(s) carefully. These were responses to a question by KC about why men were more critical in their comments.

Just remember, you have made your personal life a public spectacle for quite some time. Your hubby will definitely have some ammunition being you decided to make your private marital problems something for the masses to read daily. Best of luck…you are going to need it.

Penny,

Nobody ever really recovers from divorce… don't even try! Just live one day to the next for a while and eventually the pain becomes discomfort, and the discomfort becomes barely noticeable – except around mutual friends and family:)

By the way – I like how you apply and connect the events in your personal and business lives to each other. I like doing that too.

I like my career to define part of who I am. I am a graphic designer, husband, dad, brother, son, Catholic, community advocate, the list goes on…

I think all the parts make a better whole. And I can use the different parts to supplement and enhance the others.

Holy cow! Congratulations to Robert Cullen for the single best comment I have ever read on any blog, about anything, ever.

I've been there. My children were 3 & 5. The best way I was able to keep my sanity (if, in fact, I did) was to throw myself into my work. Yes, work became my escape. It was those hours every day that I had the kind of distraction that allowed me to focus just on work. Divorce is tough, but you just have to get through that awful process in order to move to another place. Yes, it took a long time, but now it's a fading memory. I'm even friendly with my ex . . . many years later.