Comments on: Why you should never complain about your company

By: Sacha

Sacha — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:05:46 +0000

This book — well, Harville's philosphy and Imago therapy in particular — changed my romantic life. The counselor for my first marriage recommended this book and I really connected with it…but my not-yet-then-ex-husband did not. About 2 1/2 years after my separation/divorce I met someone on eHarmony and became involved. Once it was clear to me that that relationship was SERIOUS I booked us a weekend Imago workshop in our city. Those two days made a huge difference in our understanding of one another and (semi-)regular counseling with the same professional helps maintain the tools we use to communicate. The emotional safety we feel thanks to practicing Imago is profound.

I feel like some sort of cultish evangelist when I read my own words in this comment but I can't tell you how much I appreciate Harville's philosophy on relationships and marriage. It really is all about knowing yourself and healing yourself through healing your partner. I can't praise its influence on my life enough.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 10:03:28 +0000

Excuse my typos…LOL it is late

By: Melissa

Melissa — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 09:58:34 +0000

i am befuddled. I fell in love with an alcholic although I didn't know it at the time. we were togather for 9 year, two of which I was recovering from a major accident ands subsequent depression that went along with it. Afte all of this one day e tells me he wants my to leave. DUH. Talk about blindsided. Needeless to say between the accident, the breakup and the .loss pf a part time job that keot my head above water I had a mini break down. I got into sleeping pills ans xaxax, byut wht the hell I didn't want to get put of bed let alone face the day. I see him ofen and he calls me many times ady and I am so confused as to why he does this. My pain is now turning into anger. Is this normal. Any feedback , good or bad will make me feel better. Ihave lost mu selkf convidence and ego and I know that some day it will come back, but so far it has been a failure. I still don't understand how someone can love you and ask you to marry him and then when things are so bad he runs. what kind of man does this ?

By: Lillianna

Lillianna — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 18:14:28 +0000

Penelope, you should read your Facebook email.

By: I could never choose the ones to love « Pillow Talk with a Sassy Sexpert

I could never choose the ones to love « Pillow Talk with a Sassy Sexpert — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 00:00:13 +0000

[...] was reading the Brazen Careerist and it struck me with the seemingly obvious yet so forgettable fact that we actually pick our [...]

By: Jim Bell

Jim Bell — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 14:23:32 +0000

I agree here. It's a bad idea to complain too much about your current job. Seems everywhere you look, there's discontent in the biz world. Bad management seems all too common. If you take a bad job, there's noone to blame but yourself. Finding a good job takes patience and a sense of knowing yourself. The best way to avoid the lackluster organizations is to look for signs of their bad habits prior to the interview process. Do your company research – read news, financial posts, etc. Learn where these companies are positioned in the marketplace. Have a list of questions ready for your interviewer.
All of this takes work but, it will pay off by helping you qualify the job better. Look for warning signs during the interview process. Your attitude must be, that you are there to interview the company too. You and the employer are looking for the same thing – to get you placed in a job you want to do. Once, I showed up for an interview of a job searching for "An experienced Field Sales rep with 5-10 years experience". I had two phone interviews leading me to believe the company was looking for a high-level, independent worker with past sales results. They used all the right words and attention getters. Once I got to the interview, the sales manager told me I'd have to work from the office for 6 months and make 50 cold calls a day. This set me off guard. His answer led me to think he wanted to monitor me for 6 months to see how I'd work out. This was probably his normal method of managing people. For me, it did not feel right and, therefore – it was an instant disqualifyer. I'm not perfect at this. 2 years ago, I accepted this current job. I finally found a company that noticed my field sales experience and worth. I have independence, good pay and flexibility to be creative in my work. Unfortunately, I don't have a good relationship with my boss. I made the mistake of working for someone who I typically avoid. Boss is loud, sendom listens, operates in an evironment of chaos. I'm organized to a fault. Well, now I'm learning a new tough lesson – make sure you like the person who hires/manages you, now matter how great the job is. I found good pay and flexibility but, now I have an uphill battle for promotion and advancement. I'm currently working on ways to manage his personality better.

By: Guru Gilbert » The 3 major questions we all have to answer in life

Guru Gilbert » The 3 major questions we all have to answer in life — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 22:09:41 +0000

[...] they say though, “A ten never marries a one.” Which is to say that you get what you [...]

By: Why You Should Blog about Work Frustrations (if you love your job) « Life of Linne

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 05:29:44 +0000

[...] You Should Blog about Work Frustrations (if you love your job) 1) First read this post by my career guru, Penelope Trunk, for clarifications about ever talking negatively when dealing [...]

By: Simone Breedlove

Simone Breedlove — Tue, 27 May 2008 21:03:29 +0000

I was single for 20 years between marriages and my second one also failed. I'm a really great person…too giving, too nurturing. Seriously. I'm too good for my own good.

I was single for a year and a half after my last divorce, and am now in a relationship with a man I've known for 28 years. I love him dearly. He did't wait after his separation to get involved with me, which I think, in hindsight, is a huge mistake. Our relationship is great, but there are still issues with his family that need resolving, and I don't see how that will happen now that we're together.

Anyway, I wish we hadn't been in such a hurry. It doesn't diminish the way I feel about him, but I found out a lot about myself while I was alone that I wish I had more time to explore. Alone.

By: Dale

Dale — Sat, 24 May 2008 23:02:22 +0000

Life is seldom fair but it always tells the truth – at least until well meaning people or those with with a vested interest in changing the outcome, don't revise the "truth".
That truth is easiest to see when we look at our lives and those of people we care about or just know well.

My initial discomfort at the statement, "a ten never marries a one," and my disagreement with the advice to only hire "A" players, stems from the fact that I, way deep down, consider myself a "1" and a "B" player. The strange thing is, my wife of 19 years is a "10" and an "A" player, so what gives?

When we look at life, we have so much invested in who we think we are, and what we are afraid of, that it colors our perspective – even when we aren't consciously thinking about who we are or what we fear. And to be honest, the people who can honestly remove themselves from the analytical equation in making any decision are most likely to be the ones who benefit from conventional wisdom or the "unfair" rules of life. They also tend to be really polarizing elements.

So… now I know I must be a ten or at least further away from the 1 side of the spectrum than I still think I am. This makes my day :)

Just my two cents worth.