Guest post: What life’s really like for a stay-at-home dad

I have never let anyone guest post anonymously on this blog before, but today is an exception, and you’ll see why if you keep reading.

Every time I write about stay-at-home dads, tons of them write to me. They always want me to tell their story. The only emails I get that say “contact me if you want to interview me about my life” are from stay-at-home dads.

Not much ever comes of this, but there’s one exception: a guy I’ve been corresponding with for the last year about what life’s like as a stay-at-home dad. Today’s guest post is actually a bunch of his emails that I’ve edited, with his permission. I like this guy because he is more honest with me about his life than any other stay-at-home dad I know.

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When a person asks “What kind of marriage works today?” they learn that there are so many more options available than there were even 25 years ago. My mother and grandmother never would have been able to ask that question because there was only one type of marriage in the past. My wife and I have pretty much taken the old template and switched genders.

But it’s hard on me having a similar education and background to my wife and yet having her be the big success in her field while I’m not in it at all. There are many times when my wife accomplishes something and I say to myself that I never could have done that. And as my wife spends less time with our family and more time with work people, my focus and my social circle is different from hers.

So let me give you two of the positives about being in my position as a stay-at-home husband.

First, it is so great that my wife has a kick-ass job, makes good money, and provides so well for our family. She rocks. And it’s great for the kids.

Second, she’s really good at letting me do what I do. Not a lot of second guessing or interference. She’s never ever complained about anything I’ve spent or what I do. Not that I’m irresponsible or frivolous, but it’s just nice knowing that I can pretty much do what I want to do. I wouldn’t be staying home at all if not for her income.

Yes, there is a power imbalance, but I’ve gotten used to it. If I thought about it a lot, it would probably drive me crazy. But that imbalance comes with some of the perks that I embrace. Being able to commit and make this huge leap of faith is something that I’m very proud of myself for doing. And I know that my wife very much appreciates it. It’s certainly made me more vulnerable, but it’s added strength to our relationship.

But I’ve also been amazed as to how many propositions I’ve received since becoming a househusband. I have a pretty good sense of myself, so take my word that I’m not Brad Pitt but I’m not The Elephant Man either. But until I started staying home, I was never the object of this kind of attention.

Especially one winter, tagging along with her at a business conference.

On the first day I met a woman who really had her act together, single, about 50, and from Boston. A real flirt too. I flirted back. Same thing the next day. Each time we talked, she would talk about the seminars and other BS she’d attended (which my wife never does), and basically roll her eyes while giving the company-line on all the “interesting” things that she had learned. It was pretty funny.

On the second to last night, she said that, finally, tomorrow afternoon, she was actually looking forward to a meeting. I asked her what it was about. I’ll never forget what she said: “The two of us. I’m leaving the morning meeting early. Come to my room and we can have lunch and the afternoon together.”

The next morning, slinking around and probably acting like a burglar, I knocked, went in, and we spent three really great hours together. And that was it. At the last cocktail party, we bantered again.We’ve emailed a few times since them, but never gotten together.

At times I can’t believe the course my life has taken and I doubt that my wife has a huge amount of respect for me. Maybe it’s because I’m a chauvinist and always had a condescending view of women who stayed home, who live very pampered lives. Well, now I’m one of them. But I have to say that I’m really no different than a lot of women who are married to power husbands and play a supporting role. I just do what they do, with a masculine twist.

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ADDENDUM: YIKES!!! The comments below (there are now about 40) ask the same question over and over again: What is the point of this post? So here are some questions that I think the post brings up:

Is being a stay-at-home dad any different than the life that Betty Friedan and Sylvia Plath worked so hard to get away from?

Is the world really ready for stay-at-home dads? Will the world ever be ready? We have done a more successful job, I think, integrating women into the work world than men into the domestic world. Are women crossing these boundaries more validated than the men who cross the boundaries?

Why is the world not talking about the downside of being a stay-at-home dad? Moms complain about this lifestyle all the time –when they are doing it — but men don’t.

Do women respect their stay-at-home husbands? I wonder if women might have to work very very hard to respect their husbands who stay at home. Perhaps gratitude comes easily, but respect takes a huge effort and a lot of mental tricks.

Why do women hit on stay-at-home dads?

Posted in No image, Parenting
172 comments on “Guest post: What life’s really like for a stay-at-home dad
  1. tinyhands says:

    The only emails I get that say "contact me if you want to interview me about my life" are from stay-at-home dads.

    Bucking the trend: Contact me if you want to interview me about my life :)

  2. Carissa says:

    Not where I expected that to go….any thought I had of my husband possibly staying home when we have kids is now thrown out the window. Daycare all the way.

  3. Mark W. says:

    It appears to me this guy is having a difficult time adjusting to his role in the marriage. It also sounds as though the marriage is working on a superficial level with the finances intact, etc. However it was the ‘power imbalance, more vulnerable, and strength to our relationship’ paragraph that spoke to me that this relationship does not have a solid foundation. He has gotten used to it but hasn’t sorted it all out. Also troubling is the mention of respect from his wife. I wonder how his wife views their marriage, their roles in it, and its current condition.
    “I just do what they do, with a masculine twist.” would not do it for me. Of course there are many details to this story that we are not aware of so this comment is only what I can surmise is happening in this marriage. I wish him and his family the best as his role as a stay at home dad is challenging as demonstrated by this post.

  4. david rees says:

    I read that three times and I am still confused.

    Did he just say that he had a “nooner” with the other woman? Or was just a 3 hour “meal”.

    Is this seriously the best/most interesting example you could find of a stay at home dad?

  5. WhichBox says:

    Whoa. Uuuhhhhh, not where I expected that to go at all. Wow. Yeah, clearly there are more issues here than anyone wants to admit.

    In a vague way it reminds me a bit of the book Little Children by Tom Perrota.

  6. MissPinkKate says:

    Umm….where’s the “Dad” part? Seems this guy just wanted an excuse to brag about how sexy other women find him. Lame.

  7. Sally J. says:

    “I'm a chauvinist and always had a condescending view of women who stayed home, who live very pampered lives. Well, now I'm one of them…I just do what they do, with a masculine twist.”

    So, has his opinion changed? Does he respect stay at home parents now? I’d like to know what he sees as his contribution to the family, and whether or not he values it. He says his wife’s career is great for the kids, but never addresses how great it is for the kids to have him around.

    I realize the affair is what will get talked about the most bring the most traffic, but I feel like a huge chunk of this story is missing.

  8. david rees says:

    “The next morning, slinking around and probably acting like a burglar, I knocked, went in, and we spent three really great hours together. And that was it.”

    While technically ambiguous, it’s pretty clear to me now on the 4th read.

    What a bastard.

    Does he honestly think he is the only married guy in the world that has been hit on? If I was more cynical, I would think that you actually selected this person as a slam against men or something like that – I don’t think that, but it crossed my mind.

    It seems to me that he has a lot of resentment at being in the situation he is in and rather than deal with it like a man – he opted for some clandestine “strange” with someone that made him feel good.

    Bad husband, bad father, bad human.

    The only value in this post is as a warning to others.

  9. b says:

    Um. wtf? This guy sounds like a douchebag. Was the cheating part supposed to impress the readers? I’m confused.

    Come on Penelope. I’m sure you can easily find like 20 MUCH more interesting and insightful stay at home dads with a quick blog search…

  10. Joselle Palacios says:

    @whichbox, I thought the same thing. I thought I was reading a Tom Perrotta novel too (which I recommend, by the way).

    It is a vague post. Why is he staying at home? Why is he not a success? How many kids? How old are they? Is he going to work again? What does he do with the kids all day (are they babies or in school)? I didn’t really get a sense of what this post was supposed to exemplify. He hints at some envy of the wife’s career but no further. He hints at banging a conference lady, but no further. And no discussion of what it’s like to be with the kids. Is it boring? Mind-numbing? Why exactly are you doing it? Why do you think your wife doesn’t respect you?

    It said too little about a subject of which I’m sure there is much to say.

    Clarissa, my boyfriend says he would stay at home with the kids. This post doesn’t change my mind about that being a possibility. I just wonder if I would be ok if my kids loved him more and had more fun with him and I didn’t get to see them as much. And yes, feminist that I am, I have these questions, even resentment, about me possibly being the sole breadwinner. It’s wrong and sexist and I know it but those thoughts are sometimes there and I have to acknowledge them to deal with them. That’s what can be great about the taboo posts on here.

    That would be a good post too. How does the working mother feel compared to the SAHD?

  11. Robert Jones says:

    I have to say that this is the first post on this blog that has disappointed. What was the point of that? I am no prude and I wasn’t offended by the content at all. It was just…kind of…lame.

  12. Ali says:

    Yes, he is honest to you, but is he honest enough to turn around and tell his wife/children about the affair he just had?

    Does he feel any remorse? Will he do it again, but with someone else who gives him the slightest bit of attention?

    If that is how he thinks housewives act, as a whole, I think he is sorely mistaken.

    I really wish this had been developed further. All it has left me is a feeling of, “EW.”

  13. Brownit says:

    How is this a post about what it’s like being a stay-at-home dad?

    Perhaps this resonates with Penelope as to what a stay-at-home dad is all about, but I honestly have no idea why this anonymous guest blogger’s story would merit “an exception”.

  14. Shane says:

    I must say the only thing this piece does is reinforce that men generally suck at being SAHD’s. Even though you could completely translate this to a woman. The commenter above about this being a reason not to have a SAHD – so you would rather send him off to a work environment where he is in an office interacting with other women for 8 hours a day? Would you rather build a relationship with a man who sees you for more hours a day than any other woman, or would you rather that he sees other women for more hours a day than you? From that perspective, it is safer to keep him at home.

    However, to the point. I totally believe that men can be good SAHD’s. The point isn’t can they do it – kind of like I also believe that women can earn and work just as hard as a man outside the home. With both of these, the point isn’t can they, it’s SHOULD they? My opinion is they shouldn’t. Men and women have been wired by nature, by-and-large, differently. This means that to function and actualize their design (I don’t care if you believe in evolution or not – you don’t make a clock into a car), they need to accept who and what they are and what they do best.

    But it is important to remember that there is a difference between trained behaviour and inherent behaviour. I know women who are driven career-wise, but the better I have come to know her, the more I see that her success is driven by the failure of men in her life and her desire for safety. Men have let her down so she is driven to independence out of fear. This is not healthy behaviour.

    At the same time, the guys that I know who fall into the SAHD or close to it, where their wives earn more than them, generally they are abdicating their responsibilities as men and husbands on many levels. They are being lazy, or they have some kind of history that has caused them to lose confidence, and they have slipped into a role that is not what they are made for because of wounds, not because it’s a “lifestyle choice”.

  15. Greg says:

    Uh…who was watching the kids while he was sklinking around in that woman’s room?

  16. Jenny says:

    Penelope, you should have just left his emails intact because your editing makes him sound shallow and petty. If he’s not really like this, the only favor you’ve done him is keeping him anonymous. If he is really like this, then your choice in guest posters calls into question your credibility as Intelligent Human.

    Either way, here’s my advice to Anonymous Stay-at-Home Dad: Get yourself a blog and start posting about your life in your own way. As we’ve seen, using Penelope as your mouthpiece trivializes your experience and is just plain unnecessary in this day and age. Personal stories, like apple cider, are best unfiltered.

  17. Rick Rock says:

    What a strange entry. If I didn’t know any better, Penelope, I’d swear you wrote the guest post. The SAHD’s monologue reads like your prose, right down to the description of the romantic liaison at the end.

    “I like this guy because he is more honest with me about his life than any other stay-at-home dad I know.”

    Really? Other random stay-at-home dads aren’t e-mailing you left and right with stories of their infidelities? Shocking!

  18. SH says:

    What was it that was so spectacular about the other woman who had it so together that she talked about BS and could flirt/have sex with a married man.

    He sounds like a complete idiot who if he really cared about his wife and children would not have done what he did no matter if he was stay at home or not.

    This article about his life was a waste of my time reading it.

  19. david rees says:

    Good point Rick Rock.

    This post is really bothering me and I am having trouble figuring out why.

    I agree with Brownit – maybe this is similar to your experience with your husband and you are “projecting” or maybe it is something else.

    The only think you have documented here is some behavior and mere behavior outside of context or motivation tells us nothing, teaches us nothing and only leaves us scratching our head.

    Why does he stay with this kids? Why don’t both parents work? In my experience, most families that have a stay at home parent do so out of ideology and strong values – a willingness to sacrifice the material for the mental, psychological and spiritual.

    This clown comes off more as a resentful n’er do well that resents his wifes success and not feeling respected or admired, seeks to meet that need by gaining the admiration of an older woman.

    I conclude that the reason you left out the why is because it is entirely base and uninteresting. He is a selfish, uncomplicated failure with no pain tolerance, no emotional endurance (my grandparents called it “longsuffering” and put it in their vows).

    Please explain what on earth you find interesting or at all valuable in this person because I highly doubt he has much to offer outside of confirming to you that SAHDs are inherently losers and that your recent decisions are justified and that your propensity to share TMI is a virtue and not just a minor character flaw that you have capitalized on.

    I could never be a SAHD and I don’t know how my wife does it day in day out – If there are guys that want to do it and do it effectively and not just to escape the fact that their career is in melt down (or failure to launch) then great – go for it.

    I usually enjoy and support you because even when I don’t agree with you, I can at least understand your reasoning and I know that as an ENTJ, you have the capacity to think things through and introspect, but you need to have something checked because you completely and totally missed the boat on this one and I just don’t understand how you could let that happen.

  20. JSullivan says:

    Here’s what’s wrong with this story:

    This is not a story about a stay-at-home-dad. It’s a story about a stay-at-home-husband. He even says so in the third paragraph. He never refers to himself as a stay-at-home-dad.

    A stay-at-home-dad would have included stories about children (he mentioned his kids ONCE, and only in passing) instead of his indiscretions. As it is, he just comes off as a lame trophy husband.

    Poor showing, Penelope.

  21. Jen says:

    Penelope,
    How about writing about shared parenting? Rather than just having a SAHParent scenario, there’s a third path of having both parents work part-time (my husband and I have done this for three years). It’s good to point out there are more than just the two obvious options of one parent staying home or both parents working full time.

    J

  22. Brian Baute says:

    A stay-at-home-dad post in which he doesn’t stay home and isn’t a dad. Bizarre. I’m eager to see a follow-up post explaining the point of this one.

  23. Paul Rees says:

    Ms. Trunk, will you please explain how you sat in this man’s church for 20 years and let these kinds of comments slide? Do you really expect us to believe that you didn’t attend on those Sundays when this man was cheating on his wife?

  24. Ed Borden says:

    So, I just got done putting down my 1 year old for a nap, and I saw this post.

    I’m a stay-at-home Dad, except quite a bit different from this guy. I stay at home because I wanted to be there to raise my son. When I found out my wife was pregnant, I knew that there were things that had to be done to change our lifestyle to something I’d want to raise a kid in. We needed to move, we needed more money, and I needed to be around more. Within a 6 weeks, I had changed jobs, was able to work from home, and was on a much more robust career path. If anything, my son was a kick-start to my career.

    My wife took her six weeks off for the delivery and went right back to work. I wouldn’t have it any other way. She loves what she does and I want her salary in our bank account. I make quite a bit more than her, but living in Jersey isn’t cheap and I wouldn’t pass on a cent. In the mean time, I’m able to work from home for a company that’s across the country. It carries its own range of challenges, but the schedule is flexible, and I use that to my advantage. So, I’m 25, I work full time as a C-Level exec in the tech industry, I blog, and I’m a full-time stay at home Dad.

    Raising the boy is by far the most challenging out of the whole bunch.

  25. Dave Atkins says:

    Like others here, I completely miss the point on this one. The only value I can draw from it is the rather obvious conclusion that you shouldn’t drag your spouse along to a conference where you will be in meetings all day at a hotel where there is nothing to do. Why didn’t he stay home with the kids? That doesn’t make any sense.

  26. debbie says:

    Stupid post – I really hope you don’t believe all the emails people send you. It wouldn’t surprise me if this idiot struck up a “conversation” with Penelope under the guise of a SAHD, but is really just trying to hook up with her. Didn’t pass my BS meter at all!

  27. jp says:

    Thanks for your great career tip today. I will now consider quitting my job so i can stay home and get more tail.

    Come on, i know you have to fill blog space, but give us a break.

  28. Lori says:

    This is a pointless post that reads like a Letter to Penthouse and doesn’t even mention his kids or his role as a father. If Penelope’s point is that being a “househusband” makes you a passive-agressive moron with something to prove, then point well taken.

  29. Alice Bachini-Smith says:

    But does he get bored? Does he secretly hate it? Does he feel emasculated at home? Does “doing what I want” really include screwing around, and if not, exactly how much bad behaviour does it include? Does he wife know “what he wants”? Does she care, how much?

    We need to know more! Please keep them coming.

  30. meredith says:

    I’ve been wavering on whether or not to continue subscribing to your blog, and this helped to tip the balance over to unsubscribing. What was the purpose of this post if not to scare people off from going the stay-at-home-dad route and/or making you feel like there was no way your own stay-at-home-dad family strategy could have worked because the whole institution is fatally flawed? Guess what? Lots of men stay at home and raise children and are happy to do it. I have a friend who stayed home with his children in the late 80s and early 90s when it was REALLY unusual to do that. He’s been back in his career for well over a decade now and you know what he talks about? Not what he had to give up career-wise, but what he gained in terms of being a huge part of his children’s lives while they were growing up. My office-mate constantly talks about how much he misses during the day while he’s away from his 18 month old. Some men actually want to be there for all that and find that more important than their career. Others manage to work from home and raise a family. But of course the happy ones must be lying, right?

    Happily unsubscribed.

  31. B. says:

    This was a disappointing and depressing story. This fellow clearly has no ethics, and my heart goes out to his wife and family.

    Like Meredith, I’ve been wavering on whether or not to continue subscribing to your blog. Consider another one of your previous fans unsubscribed.

  32. Hagar says:

    Let’s face it, commenters–no one perspective can possibly be representative of all stay-at-home dads. Ms. Trunk promised interesting, at this is at least somewhat interesting. No, there are no big life lessons here, or work advice. And sure, he probably sent it in an attempt to hook up with Penelope somehow–no big surprise there–lots of guys do that surely. But don’t act like Penelope’s saying this is every dad-at-home, or even some. This is ONE guy, that’s all. And he seems pretty lame at that.

  33. Maggie says:

    I have to say that I thought this was a really interesting post–much better than the standard SAHD blog about how the guy is just so enthralled by his kids, has no issues about not being a breadwinner, letting the wife wear the pants, etc. I was a SAHM for 8 years and 100% relate to this guy.

    In response to Ali’s comment above: “If that is how he thinks housewives act, as a whole, I think he is sorely mistaken.” Actually, it is Ali who is sorely mistaken; it has been my experience during the 12 years I’ve been a parent that a great many housewives do act exactly like this and his portrayal is actually really, really accurate. Sorry to burst everyone’s bubbles but statistics don’t lie–the divorce rate and stats on infidelity aren’t what they are because someone makes up the numbers; the reality is that far more people cheat than are faithful. And

    People think that just because someone is a stay-home parent it means that they love all kids, love playing with their kids and reading to them every hour of the day, love cooking and cleaning and are just so content and grateful to be able to enjoy the luxury of not having to work and being able to be home with their kids. The reality is that some people feel that if they have kids they’re going to raise them and daycare is not an acceptable option–or at least while the kids are young.

    But just because you are willing to make the necessary sacrifice to be home full-time so your kids can have the benefit of a stay-home parent doesn’t mean that your sole focus in life is your kids. I think the expectation that a full-time parent is supposed to have no life other than taking care of the kid is ridiculous; that’s the same as having a full-time worker being expected to work literally 24/7 at the office and remain focused and productive and dedicated solely to his/her job. As for the comments about how this guy is supposed to just wax on about how much he loves his son, loves being home, and is obviously a bad dad because he doesn’t even mention his kid here–the reality is that just like you go to work yet still love your kids, this guy can love his kid but not have to mention him in every sentence he writes.

    And as for the cheating–if being a stay-home parent with a successful spouse isn’t a recipe for making anyone a cheater I don’t know what is. Getting attention from someone of the opposite sex is pretty much the ONLY attention/ego stroking available to stay-home parents and plenty of people are lulled into affairs. Think about it–you work, you get praised by your boss, you feel smart and important and interesting and have stuff to talk about and think about. This guy–and other stay-home parents–are home with nobody to talk to, nothing to do but clean and play with kid/s, have mixed feelings about not having a job, worry whether they’ll ever be able to get back into the work world and resume a career, etc, etc. Some guy or gal starts paying that person compliments, flirting, etc and an opportunity arises, hell yes in many cases what happened to this guy is exactly what happens to tons of others in his same position. Why do you think there are so many cliches about women sleeping with the tennis pro, the plumber, the gardner, etc? Because it happens all the time!

    I never do the “you’ll see when you’re older” thing but in this case, I have to say that many of you might read this and feel differently in 10 or 20 years. And if not and I’m wrong, just write me off as a jaded 40-yr old ex-SAHM.

  34. Brownit says:

    While I mostly agree with Hagar, the post’s title and Penelope’s introduction (to a lesser degree) seem to invite some amount of projection to the larger population of SAHDs.

  35. Dave says:

    “I just do what they do, with a masculine twist.” So, this guy’s opinion is that most stay-at-home moms are cheating sluts? He’s so disgusting I almost find myself wishing that it is just because Penelope did a bad job of editing his emails.

  36. Ally says:

    I liked reading about this. I’m always waiting for guys to prove me wrong, they rarely do (sadly!). This is not too different. However, kudos for his honesty and for his courage to being a dad. My dad was a huge part of my life growing up, and I commend other fathers who are there for their kids.

  37. Amber says:

    That was pointless. And weird. Where were the kids? My stay-at-home-dad husband and son go along with me on buisness trips and we have a blast together when the conference day is done. And no, I’m not worried about them at all… my husband is a fabulous parent and spouse, and has really embraced the time he gets to spend raising our son.

    What I would like to know more about is how life is for you as a working mom. Sometimes it seems like you are fixated by the failures of SAHDs, but what about your challenges as a working mom? As a parent?

    I’ve enjoyed reading some of your old blogs where you bring up some of the SAHD issues… but this wasn’t one of them… this was very bizarre, disjointed, and not about parenting at all!

  38. Jackie says:

    This is the lamest post ever. And Maggie, you’re full of crap.

  39. Nino says:

    Not everyone who says they’re a “stay at home dad” is in fact at home. But you have to say SAHD for people to make sense of why you’re out during the day taking care of your kids.

    For nine of the months I was telling people I was a SAHD, I was actually working a 6-day, 52-hours, second-shift, phone-asnwering job.

    This is what “staying at home” looked like:

    6:00 Wake up with the kids
    8:30 Hop on the train with both kids, drop older kid at preschool, then playground, adventure, and nap with the baby
    12:00 Pickup at preschool, lunch with both kids, then train home
    1:30 Hand-off kids, shower, bus to work
    3:00 Work
    11:00 Bus home
    12:00 Sleep

    Repeat…

  40. Leslie says:

    Penelope, I think that you have confused honesty with bragging. So…he fessed up to cheating on his wife. How does that make this guys story more honest than anyone elses?

    I am so very, very done with this blog….

  41. Corey says:

    I can understand receiving attention and even the flirting. Being able to cheat with someone is just as fulfilling as doing it as far as an ego boost. The minute he knocked on that door, he cheated. Career, Business-person being synonymous with cheater is a destructive theme being visited too often lately.

    Temptation usually enters through a door that was deliberately left open.

  42. Corey says:

    “I am so very, very done with this blog – .”

    Seconded. Unsubscribed.

  43. Ali says:

    Maggie -

    I will respectfully disagree with you.

    I will agree that yes, divorce in on the rise, yes, there is infidelity. But as I said, as a whole, I don’t think his portrayal is how most housewives are.

    I’m not saying I think I (or all other housewives) are perfect, that we don’t make mistakes, that we don’t struggle.

    Perhaps what strikes me the most is the utter lack of consideration of what may result from his actions.

    Perhaps I am naive and young, but I haven’t been exposed to the level comfort this anonymous dad has when it comes to infidelity.

    That all said, I think you gave about 10 times as much thought as what anonymous dad did. Although I don’t agree with your viewpoint, I can see where you are coming from.

    Thanks for the discussion.

  44. Jennifer P. says:

    So, it’s OK for a stay at home day to cheat (and be coy about it, no less). Sort of a consolation prize for giving up his career? But women are just expected to do it, wihtout that particular “perk”. Huh.

    One of the previous comments – why is he not a success? Staying home with the kids makes you not a success? Or is that only if you’re a man?

    He sounds like a perfectly happy house husband. Perhaps he is baking his cakes, and of course, having them, too.

  45. Joe says:

    I think this is a poor piece doing no justice to stay at home dads everywhere. Why highlight a self proclaimed chauvinist? Shock value? I am a stay at home dad, visit my blog anytime you feel like seeing a real dad in action, not some cheating sack of crap. WTF is this anyways? A joke I hope. w/e, I am done with this.

  46. Jeremy (Discovering Dad) says:

    I’m a work-at-home-dad and my wife works outside of the house. I take care of the kids, and work in between naps, late at night and on the weekend. She makes more money than me, although we have traded back and forth throughout our marriage. Up until we had kids, we played the leap frog game, but when the kids came we made a change in my job because it was more restrictive than hers and would probably have caused us to relocate.

    I had a real hard time identifying with this post. It is nothing like my experience, or any of the other WAHD/SAHDs I know.

    The stereotypes are hard to overcome, but I don’t ever feel like my wife doesn’t respect me for what I do. On top of making sure the kids are taken care of, I also ensure that she has little to no housework to do. I also take care of all the yardwork and fix things (like replacing the garbage disposal today, since she thought it was OK to empty her purse contents into the sink and grind stuff up…).

    Anyway, the difference between me and many of the SAHMs in my immediate area is that I don’t just take care of the kids and house – I still work. I publish several websites (including a Dad blog); I’m on the local City Council; I do new construction draw inspections for extra money; and, I volunteer at several community organizations. I know there are some SAHM/WAHMs that do the same as me, but my point is that I don’t know why my wife would lose respect for me because I’m sitting slacking off and putting everything on her.

    Does that make sense?

  47. Carissa says:

    Jeez, relax people. I, like most of you were surprised by the direction this story took, but it is only a story. I do not understand why this leads to attacks on Penelope. If you do not like her blogs then don’t read them but do you have to verbally attack her and comment that you are ‘unsubscribing’????? Who cares. Move along.

  48. Andrea >> Become a consultant says:

    I’m surprised no one has figured out what this post is really about. C’mon, people. Does Penelope need to spell it out?

    (On another note, though, I hope the post means to suggest stay at home wives are supposedly pampered and not stay at home *parents*.)

  49. MissPinkKate says:

    I’m sorry, Penelope, but I don’t think this post brings up any of the questions you added in the Addendum, mainly because the writer seems to be a thoughtless dolt. This was the best you could do? I’m embarrassed for all stay at home dads, that this is the guy you choose to represent them. Better luck next time on this kind of post, if there is one.

  50. MissPinkKate says:

    And I’ll be honest- I, too, have been reconsidering my subscription to your blog lately, and this entry definitely pushes me toward unsubscribing.

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