You know, reading your blog makes me so grateful for my husband but once again just somewhat baffled by our apparently unique situation. I undoubtedly see the value in the nanny and the home manager and boy I really am overdo to hire someone to help me out at work! What baffles me though is that even with the help of the 'all knowing internet' I find it near impossible to find any stories or information about husbands like mine. I mean maybe I just won the lottery 20 years ago but seriously is it possible there are no other men out there who have opted for my husband's job? My husband has stayed home since our daughter was born 15 years ago opting to forego his bound to be less lucrative career. I am a physician and really was never cut out for stay at home life. He had a career plan and a graduate degree but when push came to shove he was not comfortable having our daughter in day care and so decided to stay at home. Early on we did not have enough money to hire a 'nanny' but within a few years we certainly could have. We just didn't as he took on the role of house hubby extraordinaire and by and large enjoyed it. He did all things domestic, yard, and financial (in terms of investments and planning) as well as the day to day child rearing. I concentrated on surviving training and work in a busy complex practice and then just being present with our family when I was home. Its been a very lucrative union and we are quite aware that if he were not as motivated we would have had to hire several people to do what he was doing for 'free'. For us its an 'obvious' division of labor. He cannot help me with my job and I only sporadically help him with his in terms of household duties. (I tend to undertake big projects involving organization or decorating). The further we have gone the more seriously he has taken and valued his career as household manager and super dad. Generally the harder I work the harder he works and it just plain works most of the time. I try to ensure that he feels richly rewarded for his work and for the sacrifices he has made (which amount primarily to the loss of 'job status' and the general boredom of household work). He is free to travel as he pleases which is often around the world, purchase amazing cars and really anything else he wants. I feel he has truly earned it. His income is found in NOT spending the income I have earned on other people to do the work he is fully capable of doing. The list of what he has to do day to day is extensive. He has to be quite flexible to deal with whatever pops up. Its fantastic that when I'm off he's always available to travel with me or just be together. The direct day to day contact that he has had as a parent been precious for our daughter and hard to put a price tag on. We calculated recently that he had driven her to and from school over 2000 times from preschool to high school! Those conversations in the car and throughout their days at home are priceless and the bond the two of them share is something I envy. She is definitely "Daddy's Girl" and a chip off his block which is a good thing! Bottom line is that a married couple has a certain cumulative pile of work that needs to be done and if one partner has a great earning potential and a time consuming stressful career, it just seems so logical that the other might opt to be the 'all things domestic' partner. My husband's choice does not make him a genius, a sucker, nor a hero. It makes him smart, and apparently rare.

I'm surprised at all the attack-like emails, though I confess I didn't have time to read them all. I am an ENTJ as well. I sacrificed my Canadian career to move to the US with my husband, for a fantastic job opportunity he received. Less than two months into SAHM status, I was itching to get out there, give back, use my intelligence and reapply a decade+ of corporate experience. I now volunteer, have run a couple committees, and am focused on completing my book for publication…while still volunteering.

Oh, and I keep the house clean, laundry done, dinner on the table…but don't enjoy those tasks very much. But I DO love seeing my children after school. I think the connection is important to all of us.

However, I understand your drive. I'm still itching to push my corporate skills…it is in my blood. Good for you for making the choices you feel are best for you, and owning up to them. Congratulations.