Comments on: A case study in staying resilient: My divorce http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/ Advice at the intersection of work and life Sun, 08 Nov 2009 06:05:50 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc hourly 1 By: The Queen of Resiliency « Connected Parenting http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-205506 The Queen of Resiliency « Connected Parenting Thu, 01 Oct 2009 20:01:15 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/#comment-205506 [...] of my favorite posts on Penelope Trunk’s Brazen Careerist is A case study in staying resilient: My divorce.  Resilience is a big theme around here at Connected Parenting and Penelope Trunk, the [...] [...] of my favorite posts on Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist is A case study in staying resilient: My divorce.  Resilience is a big theme around here at Connected Parenting and Penelope Trunk, the [...]

]]> By: Sophia Hyde http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-182459 Sophia Hyde Fri, 13 Mar 2009 04:57:00 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/#comment-182459 I just read this article and your previous one about stay at home dads. I also read the ENTJ article and resonate 100%. I felt like "finally! someone understands me!" Though I'm only 22 I've been married two years and many of the things you wrote about go through my mind. My husband and I have even talked about the stay at home dad thing for the future. My mom was absolutely, positively opposed to the idea, for the exact reasons you said it was failing in your marriage. My husband and I have had wonderful communication throughout our four years of knowing each other, but it has only been because of the wonderful marriage counseling and pre-marriage counseling we have been through. Have you read The Five Love Languages? Eye opener for me. I appreciate your transparency, and though I am much younger I know a day will come when I am struggling with the very things you're writing about. I don't know what the solution is, or how I will handle it in my own personal life. I guess I am just hoping it will work itself out. Thanks for your honesty. I can relate tremendously. P.S. Sydney Owen got me back into blogging. I go to school with her. She told me you're her mentor. That's how I found you're blog. I just read this article and your previous one about stay at home dads. I also read the ENTJ article and resonate 100%. I felt like "finally! someone understands me!" Though I'm only 22 I've been married two years and many of the things you wrote about go through my mind. My husband and I have even talked about the stay at home dad thing for the future. My mom was absolutely, positively opposed to the idea, for the exact reasons you said it was failing in your marriage. My husband and I have had wonderful communication throughout our four years of knowing each other, but it has only been because of the wonderful marriage counseling and pre-marriage counseling we have been through. Have you read The Five Love Languages? Eye opener for me. I appreciate your transparency, and though I am much younger I know a day will come when I am struggling with the very things you're writing about. I don't know what the solution is, or how I will handle it in my own personal life. I guess I am just hoping it will work itself out. Thanks for your honesty. I can relate tremendously.

P.S. Sydney Owen got me back into blogging. I go to school with her. She told me you're her mentor. That's how I found you're blog.

]]> By: Erin Cornelius http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-174746 Erin Cornelius Wed, 03 Dec 2008 20:41:38 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/#comment-174746 I am also an ENTJ female who's divorce was just final today. I am a doctoral student and plan on becoming a professor. Your post really makes me wonder about ENTJ and relationship success. My ex-husband will tell you that the divorce was a surprise for him, but I have been having doubts about the relationship for years (we were married for 5 1/2 years). We don't have any kids (thank god) and most of our problems stemmed from the fact that he thought I was too outspoken and frank when I should have been more "tactful". It got to the point were I stopped expressing my opinion around him. I finally got to the point when I couldn't live that way anymore, and I told him. The rest, as they say, is history. I am also an ENTJ female who's divorce was just final today. I am a doctoral student and plan on becoming a professor. Your post really makes me wonder about ENTJ and relationship success. My ex-husband will tell you that the divorce was a surprise for him, but I have been having doubts about the relationship for years (we were married for 5 1/2 years). We don't have any kids (thank god) and most of our problems stemmed from the fact that he thought I was too outspoken and frank when I should have been more "tactful". It got to the point were I stopped expressing my opinion around him. I finally got to the point when I couldn't live that way anymore, and I told him. The rest, as they say, is history.

]]> By: Rosalind Sedacca http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-172000 Rosalind Sedacca Mon, 20 Oct 2008 00:26:58 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/#comment-172000 Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford is a great read for anyone who wants to learn from their divorce and come away a better person as a result. There is a gift in every life challenge if we look for it and Debbie understands the value of doing the inner work before moving ahead to forge new relationships. I highly recommend her book. My own book, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a- Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! also focuses on personal growth as well as ways to minimize the emotional trauma to our children. Visit www.howdoitellthekids.com to learn more. Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford is a great read for anyone who wants to learn from their divorce and come away a better person as a result. There is a gift in every life challenge if we look for it and Debbie understands the value of doing the inner work before moving ahead to forge new relationships.

I highly recommend her book. My own book, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-
Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! also focuses on personal growth as well as ways to minimize the emotional trauma to our children. Visit http://www.howdoitellthekids.com to learn more.

]]> By: Francis http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-171835 Francis Wed, 15 Oct 2008 00:20:35 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/#comment-171835 Penelope, I am also an ENTJ who recently remarried, and I got a LOT of help from reading the book "Spiritual Divorce" a few times (I found it in the library.) It's the only book of it's kind that I was able to come across back in 2003, and maybe there are others now, but the exercises were an amazing learning experience. Penelope,

I am also an ENTJ who recently remarried, and I got a LOT of help from reading the book "Spiritual Divorce" a few times (I found it in the library.)

It's the only book of it's kind that I was able to come across back in 2003, and maybe there are others now, but the exercises were an amazing learning experience.

]]> By: Teri http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-168656 Teri Mon, 01 Sep 2008 23:06:55 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/#comment-168656 I just started my own blog about going thru divorce and my brother sent me this post...and I am also an ENTJ!!! (Funniest part is my first post is all about coincidences so cheers to this one). I just started my own blog about going thru divorce and my brother sent me this post…and I am also an ENTJ!!! (Funniest part is my first post is all about coincidences so cheers to this one).

]]> By: Rosalind Sedacca http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-158699 Rosalind Sedacca Tue, 29 Jul 2008 15:42:32 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/#comment-158699 Unfortunately life is not as black and white as you portray it, John. I totally agree that parents must put their children's best interest first in making all decisions. However, growing up in a family where the parents are not modeling love, respect, harmony and good will toward one another is doing a disservice to your children. Staying together for the sake of the kids is not always the best choice -- it scarred my life when my parents stayed together in a miserable marriage -- and I'm not alone. Parents must make conscious decisions with their children's emotional needs as a primary focus. Then they can create a more positive future for everyone in the family. It's not divorce per se that scars children -- it's unaware parents who are not taking responsibility for their actions. Let's work on educating parents about the consequences of all their decisions -- without being too simplistic! Unfortunately life is not as black and white as you portray it, John. I totally agree that parents must put their children's best interest first in making all decisions. However, growing up in a family where the parents are not modeling love, respect, harmony and good will toward one another is doing a disservice to your children. Staying together for the sake of the kids is not always the best choice — it scarred my life when my parents stayed together in a miserable marriage — and I'm not alone.

Parents must make conscious decisions with their children's emotional needs as a primary focus. Then they can create a more positive future for everyone in the family. It's not divorce per se that scars children — it's unaware parents who are not taking responsibility for their actions. Let's work on educating parents about the consequences of all their decisions — without being too simplistic!

]]> By: John http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-158404 John Tue, 29 Jul 2008 02:38:30 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/#comment-158404 Listen youngsters. There is no "perfect" person for you no matter what the silly personality type is. The grass is not greener on the other side. If you have kids, then you should stick it out. The exception would be physical violence. When you have children, then your life (should) go on the back burner. It is not all about you anymore. Listen youngsters. There is no "perfect" person for you no matter what the silly personality type is. The grass is not greener on the other side. If you have kids, then you should stick it out. The exception would be physical violence. When you have children, then your life (should) go on the back burner. It is not all about you anymore.

]]> By: John http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-158403 John Tue, 29 Jul 2008 02:36:39 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/#comment-158403 Wow, someone who blogs all the time is getting divorced? Who would of thought! I just thought people who spent time parenting and being there for their spouse got divorced.. My whole world view has changed. Wow, someone who blogs all the time is getting divorced? Who would of thought! I just thought people who spent time parenting and being there for their spouse got divorced.. My whole world view has changed.

]]> By: Tony Monterastelli http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/comment-page-3/#comment-158199 Tony Monterastelli Mon, 28 Jul 2008 19:41:24 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/27/a-case-study-in-staying-resilient-my-divorce/#comment-158199 Penelope is an ENTJ. A psychiatrist friend of mine says that people get along well when they are different in two categories on the Meyers-Briggs. I am an INTP, and I've often thought that an ENTJ would be a good match for myself; she would complement me in being more outgoing and decisive, but we would have the inner nature of intuiting and thinking in common. I findhe J or the P is a big deal in relationships. Two P's should be together. They are too passive, and certainly two J's shouldn't be together. Where's the balance. I would be willing to bet that Penelope's husband is a J. Penelope is an ENTJ. A psychiatrist friend of mine says that people get along well when they are different in two categories on the Meyers-Briggs. I am an INTP, and I've often thought that an ENTJ would be a good match for myself; she would complement me in being more outgoing and decisive, but we would have the inner nature of intuiting and thinking in common. I findhe J or the P is a big deal in relationships. Two P's should be together. They are too passive, and certainly two J's shouldn't be together. Where's the balance. I would be willing to bet that Penelope's husband is a J.

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