Comments on: The part of postpartum depression that no one talks about http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/ Advice at the intersection of work and life Sat, 21 Nov 2009 05:04:56 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc hourly 1 By: Lisa Earle McLeod http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/comment-page-3/#comment-193668 Lisa Earle McLeod Tue, 25 Aug 2009 19:07:55 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/#comment-193668 And men wonder why we get so angry when they walk past the laundry. thanks for the honesty, I conducted a three day seminar when my youngest was 4 weeks old, in between teaching an enthralled crowd of 50 how they could close more sales, I went into the ladies room and cried at every break. I'm 10 years older and wiser and I wish like hell I had cut myself more slack. If men had babies there would be mandatory paid maternity leave fo 1 year, even for people who are self-employed. Said the trying not to be bitter, I love my kids, and really do believe I chose this life woman. And men wonder why we get so angry when they walk past the laundry.

thanks for the honesty, I conducted a three day seminar when my youngest was 4 weeks old, in between teaching an enthralled crowd of 50 how they could close more sales, I went into the ladies room and cried at every break.

I'm 10 years older and wiser and I wish like hell I had cut myself more slack.

If men had babies there would be mandatory paid maternity leave fo 1 year, even for people who are self-employed.

Said the trying not to be bitter, I love my kids, and really do believe I chose this life woman.

]]> By: MM http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/comment-page-3/#comment-183832 MM Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:59:16 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/#comment-183832 I realize this is a very old post, but I just had to comment. THANK YOU for addressing this so candidly. I've struggled with depression for most of my life. Genetic makeup and an abusive childhood. After years of infertility and pregnancy loss, it was just exacerbated. So I was prepared to have PPD with my son several years ago. While it was it really tough first three months, I can't say I had anything more than the baby blues. But pregnant with my second one, due in July, I'm very nervous. Life is just harder now. Compound the stress of a newborn, along with a toddler, along with a bad economy, along with a job that I hate...I'm really nervous how this PP experience will be this time around. While I can't necessarily PREVENT PPD, your beautiful candor, and the many heartfelt confessions in the comments section, has spurred me to "schedule" a conversation with my husband and his sweet mother (the one that helped me the most last time around). I want them to be prepared to keep an eye on me. I want them to support me in specific ways so that if I am to have more than just the baby blues this time, that they be prepared to help somehow. Obviously, details of what to expect and what to do are fuzzy at this point in the game, but I feel that it's a necessary prep point for this coming child. Thank you for inspiring me to do it now and not procrastinate. I realize this is a very old post, but I just had to comment.

THANK YOU for addressing this so candidly. I've struggled with depression for most of my life. Genetic makeup and an abusive childhood. After years of infertility and pregnancy loss, it was just exacerbated. So I was prepared to have PPD with my son several years ago. While it was it really tough first three months, I can't say I had anything more than the baby blues. But pregnant with my second one, due in July, I'm very nervous. Life is just harder now. Compound the stress of a newborn, along with a toddler, along with a bad economy, along with a job that I hate…I'm really nervous how this PP experience will be this time around.

While I can't necessarily PREVENT PPD, your beautiful candor, and the many heartfelt confessions in the comments section, has spurred me to "schedule" a conversation with my husband and his sweet mother (the one that helped me the most last time around). I want them to be prepared to keep an eye on me. I want them to support me in specific ways so that if I am to have more than just the baby blues this time, that they be prepared to help somehow. Obviously, details of what to expect and what to do are fuzzy at this point in the game, but I feel that it's a necessary prep point for this coming child. Thank you for inspiring me to do it now and not procrastinate.

]]> By: Karen Carswell http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/comment-page-3/#comment-182724 Karen Carswell Thu, 19 Mar 2009 00:55:58 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/#comment-182724 Penelope, I have started my own journey through blogging about my postpartum depression at http://amothersojourn.wordpress.com and I am so pleased to find that other woman have spoken out as well. Thank you for sharing! When you find time please tune into my blog, I would love to hear your thoughts. Karen Penelope,

I have started my own journey through blogging about my postpartum depression at http://amothersojourn.wordpress.com and I am so pleased to find that other woman have spoken out as well.

Thank you for sharing! When you find time please tune into my blog, I would love to hear your thoughts.

Karen

]]> By: RA http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/comment-page-3/#comment-182363 RA Thu, 12 Mar 2009 04:14:37 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/#comment-182363 Thank you for your post. I'm also a working mother currently dealing with PPD. My baby is almost 11 months now and I've been dealing with PPD since he was almost 3 months old. It's been REALLY REALLY tough, trying to deal with the work/life balance. I went back to work for a month when my baby was 3 months old. I went down-hill after one month at work. My doctor ended up taking me off of work for 2 months because I was not functional. I returned part time for the next few months. I love working parttime. I just returned full-time recently, and it's been a real struggle dealing with the PPD and longer working days. Thank you for your post. I'm also a working mother currently dealing with PPD. My baby is almost 11 months now and I've been dealing with PPD since he was almost 3 months old. It's been REALLY REALLY tough, trying to deal with the work/life balance. I went back to work for a month when my baby was 3 months old. I went down-hill after one month at work. My doctor ended up taking me off of work for 2 months because I was not functional. I returned part time for the next few months. I love working parttime. I just returned full-time recently, and it's been a real struggle dealing with the PPD and longer working days.

]]> By: Kristal http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/comment-page-3/#comment-181867 Kristal Thu, 05 Mar 2009 01:15:11 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/#comment-181867 Hello I am kristal, I just wanted to say Thank you for being so open and honest. I also suffer from PPD. How are you able to juggle all that and raise two babies? I can barely handle one. Hello I am kristal, I just wanted to say Thank you for being so open and honest. I also suffer from PPD. How are you able to juggle all that and raise two babies? I can barely handle one.

]]> By: Amy http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/comment-page-3/#comment-180701 Amy Sat, 07 Feb 2009 18:55:32 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/#comment-180701 I can't tell you how comforting it is to know that someone out there can just lay it all out with such frankness. I would sometimes slip in such disparaging remarks about the baby when I had post-partum and received my own share of shocked glances. Mine is 3 1/2 and I love him deeply, but still am suffering some after-effects. I think that a lot of other women feel that way and had those very thoughts...but edit themselves with such success that they are deluded into believing that they never had those socially unacceptable thoughts. It perpetuates that whole "it's not real" thing, plus the whole "you are crazy" thing. How come MEN don't get it? I think you hit the nail on the head. Something's got to give, and it almost always is Mom. Giving her sanity. I can't tell you how comforting it is to know that someone out there can just lay it all out with such frankness. I would sometimes slip in such disparaging remarks about the baby when I had post-partum and received my own share of shocked glances. Mine is 3 1/2 and I love him deeply, but still am suffering some after-effects. I think that a lot of other women feel that way and had those very thoughts…but edit themselves with such success that they are deluded into believing that they never had those socially unacceptable thoughts. It perpetuates that whole "it's not real" thing, plus the whole "you are crazy" thing. How come MEN don't get it? I think you hit the nail on the head. Something's got to give, and it almost always is Mom. Giving her sanity.

]]> By: Dale http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/comment-page-3/#comment-179953 Dale Sun, 25 Jan 2009 16:28:38 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/#comment-179953 Thank you for sharing this with us Brooke. Thank you for sharing this with us Brooke.

]]> By: Brooke http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/comment-page-3/#comment-179948 Brooke Sun, 25 Jan 2009 03:31:34 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/#comment-179948 Thank you Dale. It IS a wonder we both survived it... my fiance was so distant for so long after her birth (I had broken off our engagement after the rape... finding out I was pregnant by another man, in such a violent manner, did a number on my fiance's view of the world and our relationship). I see so many articles about women killing their children and always ask myself, how could they? But then when I think back to how crazy I was with my firstborn... all the screaming I did... imagining what it would be like to deliberately run my car into a telephone pole with her in the backseat... I came very close to what these women experienced. I realize that despite receiving any help, something in me still stopped me from taking my thoughts too far. I imagine it was because I had school to keep me busy and my fiance's mother often took my daughter when she was inconsolable. I also became very involved in my church and singing on the worship team, so I was able to pursue something outside of motherdom. Sometimes I still lose my temper but it's nowhere near the frequency of psychotic behavior I exhibited back then, and I no longer fantasize about harming them... I am so grateful every day for my children. I would like to have at least one more -- however, half of me is afraid that I'll encounter that severe PPD again (while the other half is hopeful because of the ease with which I had my second). I look back at journal entries from that time, and that was a completely different person. Thank you Dale. It IS a wonder we both survived it… my fiance was so distant for so long after her birth (I had broken off our engagement after the rape… finding out I was pregnant by another man, in such a violent manner, did a number on my fiance's view of the world and our relationship). I see so many articles about women killing their children and always ask myself, how could they? But then when I think back to how crazy I was with my firstborn… all the screaming I did… imagining what it would be like to deliberately run my car into a telephone pole with her in the backseat… I came very close to what these women experienced. I realize that despite receiving any help, something in me still stopped me from taking my thoughts too far. I imagine it was because I had school to keep me busy and my fiance's mother often took my daughter when she was inconsolable. I also became very involved in my church and singing on the worship team, so I was able to pursue something outside of motherdom. Sometimes I still lose my temper but it's nowhere near the frequency of psychotic behavior I exhibited back then, and I no longer fantasize about harming them… I am so grateful every day for my children. I would like to have at least one more — however, half of me is afraid that I'll encounter that severe PPD again (while the other half is hopeful because of the ease with which I had my second). I look back at journal entries from that time, and that was a completely different person.

]]> By: Dale http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/comment-page-3/#comment-179923 Dale Sat, 24 Jan 2009 18:46:33 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/#comment-179923 Brooke, this is so typical of PPD. You had alot going on in association with your pregnancy and it's a wonder you and your daughter made it through. I am glad you decided to share this because it happens all the time and the public doesn't know what new mothers go through. I speak from personal experience. Thank you! Brooke, this is so typical of PPD. You had alot going on in association with your pregnancy and it's a wonder you and your daughter made it through. I am glad you decided to share this because it happens all the time and the public doesn't know what new mothers go through. I speak from personal experience.

Thank you!

]]> By: Brooke http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/comment-page-3/#comment-179883 Brooke Fri, 23 Jan 2009 23:51:03 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/02/13/the-part-of-postpartum-depression-that-no-one-talks-about/#comment-179883 Reading this, it just occurred to me that I've been in denial about my PPD. My first daughter was conceived by rape and I remember wanting to just heave her out of my arms on several occasions. Once when she wouldn't stop crying and go to sleep in her crib, I took my heavy book bag (I was taking courses at the local community college at the time) and slammed it against the side of the crib repeatedly until I couldn't lift my arms anymore. It didn't come into contact with her as she was inside the crib, but she was still crying when I was done. When I said this to my government-appointed therapist (a perk of being on Medicaid)... I really don't remember her reaction. I only saw her every couple weeks as a part of Maternal Support Services, but I probably should have been committed. My mother said to watch what I say or else someone would do something about it. Another time, when my first daughter was 15 months old, I was on the phone speaking with my brother who was in the process of driving my aging mother 1500 miles to live with me. My fiance was in the other room ignoring my daughter and balking at my being on the phone for so long, but I had to talk to my brother, they were on their way and we were making plans. My daughter kept coming into the kitchen crying for me and my fiance wouldn't take her, and I couldn't hear my brother. At one point I went to pick her up and in anger I lifted her too quickly with my one arm and inadvertently threw her over my shoulder. She landed with a loud bang on the kitchen floor, lying on her back, her legs up against the oven door. It all happened so fast I can't even tell you what I saw between the time I went to pick her up and the time I realized she was lying on the floor with this gigantic welt rising from her forehead. I screamed and threw my phone down and scooped her up, rocking her, and my fiance got pissed because he thought she had just fallen and took off out the door. I cannot tell you how scared I was in that moment that if anyone had seen what I had done, they would take her away from me. My fiance's mother took us all to the ER and my daughter was fine, the physician said kids get bumped on the head all the time, but I was afraid to tell him what had actually happened. I didn't know my own strength. I called my mother in uncontrollable tears and told her what happened and I still couldn't even tell her how she ended up on the floor -- the mechanics of going over my shoulder but ending up where she did. I just remember heaving her upwards to position her on my hip so she'd stop crying, and then suddenly her weight wasn't on my arm anymore. It was a terrible, terrible feeling, and I still haven't gotten any help. For some reason I haven't been as angry since my second daughter was born. In fact, I'm rather pleasant and more patient with both of them, whereas I was so angry and short-fused with my first, probably as a result of the rape. I'm still depressed in many ways but I don't want to throw them out the window. I don't know the purpose of this... other than to say, I've been there, and you are brave for sharing it. Reading this, it just occurred to me that I've been in denial about my PPD. My first daughter was conceived by rape and I remember wanting to just heave her out of my arms on several occasions. Once when she wouldn't stop crying and go to sleep in her crib, I took my heavy book bag (I was taking courses at the local community college at the time) and slammed it against the side of the crib repeatedly until I couldn't lift my arms anymore. It didn't come into contact with her as she was inside the crib, but she was still crying when I was done. When I said this to my government-appointed therapist (a perk of being on Medicaid)… I really don't remember her reaction. I only saw her every couple weeks as a part of Maternal Support Services, but I probably should have been committed. My mother said to watch what I say or else someone would do something about it.

Another time, when my first daughter was 15 months old, I was on the phone speaking with my brother who was in the process of driving my aging mother 1500 miles to live with me. My fiance was in the other room ignoring my daughter and balking at my being on the phone for so long, but I had to talk to my brother, they were on their way and we were making plans. My daughter kept coming into the kitchen crying for me and my fiance wouldn't take her, and I couldn't hear my brother. At one point I went to pick her up and in anger I lifted her too quickly with my one arm and inadvertently threw her over my shoulder. She landed with a loud bang on the kitchen floor, lying on her back, her legs up against the oven door. It all happened so fast I can't even tell you what I saw between the time I went to pick her up and the time I realized she was lying on the floor with this gigantic welt rising from her forehead. I screamed and threw my phone down and scooped her up, rocking her, and my fiance got pissed because he thought she had just fallen and took off out the door. I cannot tell you how scared I was in that moment that if anyone had seen what I had done, they would take her away from me. My fiance's mother took us all to the ER and my daughter was fine, the physician said kids get bumped on the head all the time, but I was afraid to tell him what had actually happened. I didn't know my own strength. I called my mother in uncontrollable tears and told her what happened and I still couldn't even tell her how she ended up on the floor — the mechanics of going over my shoulder but ending up where she did. I just remember heaving her upwards to position her on my hip so she'd stop crying, and then suddenly her weight wasn't on my arm anymore. It was a terrible, terrible feeling, and I still haven't gotten any help.

For some reason I haven't been as angry since my second daughter was born. In fact, I'm rather pleasant and more patient with both of them, whereas I was so angry and short-fused with my first, probably as a result of the rape. I'm still depressed in many ways but I don't want to throw them out the window.

I don't know the purpose of this… other than to say, I've been there, and you are brave for sharing it.

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