Comments on: My own marriage and the myth of the stay-at-home dad http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/ Advice at the intersection of work and life Thu, 09 Feb 2012 14:26:03 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: HEHATEME http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-2/#comment-264993 HEHATEME Thu, 01 Dec 2011 18:36:00 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-264993 Its very simple.  A man is not supposed to be in a cage with kids.  Thats a womabs job. When you force a man to do this, he will lose his identitty, lose his maculinity, and you will lose all attraction to him as he is not a "strong" provider in your eyes.  Hopefully, you will find someone else and let him go.....Let him be a man again.  Let him breathe the night air and howl at the moon, let him go piss in the woods.  I am leading a brigade of men fed up with crap like this, we are all going to abandon our wives and move to Key West and be homeless. Because its better than prison. Hope this explains things a little. Its very simple.  A man is not supposed to be in a cage with kids.  Thats a womabs job. When you force a man to do this, he will lose his identitty, lose his maculinity, and you will lose all attraction to him as he is not a "strong" provider in your eyes.  Hopefully, you will find someone else and let him go…..Let him be a man again.  Let him breathe the night air and howl at the moon, let him go piss in the woods.  I am leading a brigade of men fed up with crap like this, we are all going to abandon our wives and move to Key West and be homeless.
Because its better than prison.
Hope this explains things a little.

]]> By: Kate http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-2/#comment-264468 Kate Mon, 14 Nov 2011 22:26:00 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-264468 I'm sitting here at work with tears in my eyes - my husband and I are going through counseling for the first time.   My husband decided to take the dramatic route and announce "I want a divorce" in front of our two and half twins.  He did it for dramatic effect, and says now he didn't mean it.  The biggest mistake he did was to push it in my face as an option.  Now I am thinking about how much better, how much fewer conflicts and drama I would have in my life if we divorced.  I don't want to be in the same room with him.  I don't want to be around him.  It is so painful.  Similar issues with you, as I am the high wage earner, and he is a teacher who works from 8 - 3 everyday, all summer off.  He comes home after school and TAKES A NAP everyday.  I get home around 6 pm and start cleaning the house, doing laundry, bath, get things ready for the next day, going to be around mignight, up at 6 am. He's over 250 pounds and says he is "too sick" or "too tired" to do housework, yet manages to go hunting and work on his jeep.  He insisted he was going to "get a lot of projects finished" over the summer so we paid thousands for child care all summer.  He did NOTHING.  Slept in till 11 a.m. every gd day during the summer then called me to pick up dinner.  Men who are not the breadwinners should be proud of their spouses' ambition, as they are enjoying the life that your work is making possible.   I hope that you and your husband find a way back to each other, if it is meant to be.  It takes a special parent to care for a special needs child. It also takes a special kind of Dad to appreciate the stay-at-home role, thier role in helping their child grow and learn.  Our mothers got no credit at all for all the work they did by staying at home, and now the next generation of males is finding it exceedingly difficult and want applause 24-7.  Surprise surprise. I'm sitting here at work with tears in my eyes – my husband and I are going through counseling for the first time.   My husband decided to take the dramatic route and announce "I want a divorce" in front of our two and half twins.  He did it for dramatic effect, and says now he didn't mean it.  The biggest mistake he did was to push it in my face as an option.  Now I am thinking about how much better, how much fewer conflicts and drama I would have in my life if we divorced. 
I don't want to be in the same room with him.  I don't want to be around him.  It is so painful.  Similar issues with you, as I am the high wage earner, and he is a teacher who works from 8 – 3 everyday, all summer off.  He comes home after school and TAKES A NAP everyday.  I get home around 6 pm and start cleaning the house, doing laundry, bath, get things ready for the next day, going to be around mignight, up at 6 am. He's over 250 pounds and says he is "too sick" or "too tired" to do housework, yet manages to go hunting and work on his jeep.  He insisted he was going to "get a lot of projects finished" over the summer so we paid thousands for child care all summer.  He did NOTHING.  Slept in till 11 a.m. every gd day during the summer then called me to pick up dinner. 
Men who are not the breadwinners should be proud of their spouses' ambition, as they are enjoying the life that your work is making possible.   I hope that you and your husband find a way back to each other, if it is meant to be.  It takes a special parent to care for a special needs child. It also takes a special kind of Dad to appreciate the stay-at-home role, thier role in helping their child grow and learn.  Our mothers got no credit at all for all the work they did by staying at home, and now the next generation of males is finding it exceedingly difficult and want applause 24-7.  Surprise surprise.

]]> By: Not the average SAHD http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-2/#comment-261143 Not the average SAHD Tue, 27 Sep 2011 03:37:00 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-261143 Where did I say ANY of those things are strictly for men? Argue ALLLLLL you want, but facts are facts. Women are made for children. You carry them, nurse them from your body, raise them. What part of a man was he born with that benefits a child? Put the bra down and douse the flame no need for another burning.  Until you are a man in our shoes, then you won't understand. All of the things I listed, I never once said anything about what makes a woman a woman. When my wife stayed home, she had friends, a social life, free time. I would come home from work, take care of the kids until I went to bed, then rinse and repeat daily. Now that the tables have turned, different rules apply.  As is the case in every SAHD I have EVER talked to. So if it makes you feel better to think im playing sides, more power to you. The fact is, I think it should be 50/50 no matter who's foot the workshoe is on.. Where did I say ANY of those things are strictly for men? Argue ALLLLLL you want, but facts are facts. Women are made for children. You carry them, nurse them from your body, raise them. What part of a man was he born with that benefits a child? Put the bra down and douse the flame no need for another burning.  Until you are a man in our shoes, then you won't understand. All of the things I listed, I never once said anything about what makes a woman a woman. When my wife stayed home, she had friends, a social life, free time. I would come home from work, take care of the kids until I went to bed, then rinse and repeat daily. Now that the tables have turned, different rules apply.  As is the case in every SAHD I have EVER talked to. So if it makes you feel better to think im playing sides, more power to you. The fact is, I think it should be 50/50 no matter who's foot the workshoe is on..

]]> By: therav http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-2/#comment-261142 therav Tue, 27 Sep 2011 03:24:00 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-261142 "Hard-wired" my ass. As a woman, I must admit I am amazed to know you seem to think having a social life, free time, friends, and what I assume you must mean to be "meaningful work" (i.e. work other than childcare/household management) is strictly the province and entitlement of men. But of course, everyone knows that childcare/household management is strictly silly bitch-work and; therefore, far beneath any man.  "Hard-wired" my ass. As a woman, I must admit I am amazed to know you seem to think having a social life, free time, friends, and what I assume you must mean to be "meaningful work" (i.e. work other than childcare/household management) is strictly the province and entitlement of men. But of course, everyone knows that childcare/household management is strictly silly bitch-work and; therefore, far beneath any man. 

]]> By: Chef http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-2/#comment-260641 Chef Wed, 21 Sep 2011 04:52:00 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-260641 i am so surprised to see that they are people here who SUPPORT you!  You obviously have no compassion for your husband, I feel sorry for your son.  Eventually, this will be obvious to him.  You are self centered, and a disgrace to the professional community i am so surprised to see that they are people here who SUPPORT you!  You obviously have no compassion for your husband, I feel sorry for your son.  Eventually, this will be obvious to him.  You are self centered, and a disgrace to the professional community

]]> By: Not the Average SAHD http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-2/#comment-260605 Not the Average SAHD Tue, 20 Sep 2011 22:22:00 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-260605 SophieB.....Marry me lol. You hit the nail on the head with that one. Thats the toughest part....having a wife that makes you feel less than dirt. Crushes your ego at every chance and destroys anything that made you who you are today. The problem is, you can't leave because three toddlers would be heartbroken. You can't even escape the house alone, because she can't handle the kids alone. We never had problems until she went to work. Then, after awhile, she forgot all of the years I worked and all of the things I did in that time. (Cleaning the house when I came home, taking care of the kids when I got home from work until bed) It was like life had just started for us again and I was nothing but a babysitter with benefits. We get along decent when we aren't fighting, but once she says anything about the kids or her job it explodes. Thanks for your post, you know your sh!t SophieB…..Marry me lol. You hit the nail on the head with that one. Thats the toughest part….having a wife that makes you feel less than dirt. Crushes your ego at every chance and destroys anything that made you who you are today. The problem is, you can't leave because three toddlers would be heartbroken. You can't even escape the house alone, because she can't handle the kids alone. We never had problems until she went to work. Then, after awhile, she forgot all of the years I worked and all of the things I did in that time. (Cleaning the house when I came home, taking care of the kids when I got home from work until bed) It was like life had just started for us again and I was nothing but a babysitter with benefits. We get along decent when we aren't fighting, but once she says anything about the kids or her job it explodes. Thanks for your post, you know your sh!t

]]> By: Not the average SAHD http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-2/#comment-260602 Not the average SAHD Tue, 20 Sep 2011 22:14:00 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-260602 Nice to know there are others out there that are in the same place as myself. Men just don't understand until they are in this spot. It robs you of nearly everything that makes you a man. Your social life, your work, your free time, your friends. Sure, there will be women out there who say "A real man would love to be home with his kids" ....and I do. To sit back though and say this is any kind of life for a man though is just silly.  There is a reason since the dawn of mankind that the men were hunters and gatherers. The women took care of the children. It's hard-wire programming by the most complicated scientist in the world...mother nature. To think that these days women still expect to re-wire men to be homemakers, puts a frown on my face. It just wasn't supposed to be that way. Thanks for commenting AngryDad. Maybe I should start my own Blog or group for this kind of thing. Nice to know there are others out there that are in the same place as myself. Men just don't understand until they are in this spot. It robs you of nearly everything that makes you a man. Your social life, your work, your free time, your friends. Sure, there will be women out there who say "A real man would love to be home with his kids" ….and I do. To sit back though and say this is any kind of life for a man though is just silly.  There is a reason since the dawn of mankind that the men were hunters and gatherers. The women took care of the children. It's hard-wire programming by the most complicated scientist in the world…mother nature. To think that these days women still expect to re-wire men to be homemakers, puts a frown on my face. It just wasn't supposed to be that way. Thanks for commenting AngryDad. Maybe I should start my own Blog or group for this kind of thing.

]]> By: Angrydad http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-2/#comment-260598 Angrydad Tue, 20 Sep 2011 21:47:00 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-260598 You are absolutely correct nta SAHD. I am going through the same thing almost word for word. I think that if the writer of this article wasn't so self involved in her own life and gave her husband even a tiny bit of support, her marriage would not be falling apart.  When she wakes up one day and her husband and kids are living with another woman, who actually cares about them, I will not feel sorry for her one bit.  I suppose she will probably not enjoy paying child support and alimony to a man she so obviously despises. Please do him a favor and find another man to toy with emotionally. You are absolutely correct nta SAHD. I am going through the same thing almost word for word. I think that if the writer of this article wasn't so self involved in her own life and gave her husband even a tiny bit of support, her marriage would not be falling apart.  When she wakes up one day and her husband and kids are living with another woman, who actually cares about them, I will not feel sorry for her one bit.  I suppose she will probably not enjoy paying child support and alimony to a man she so obviously despises. Please do him a favor and find another man to toy with emotionally.

]]> By: Not the average SAHD http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-2/#comment-259695 Not the average SAHD Mon, 05 Sep 2011 23:32:00 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-259695 You are right about one thing you don't see the horror stories very often. You don't see the guys who worked ALL of their life who suddenly become a stay at home dad to a newborn baby, two toddlers and a teenager. Not knowing anything at all, scared to death. You don't hear about the guys who's other friends look at them like they are less than a man. Or how about the ones who's wife tells them they are worthless, good for nothing, and that they don't own anything because all they do is sit around taking care of kids all day? How about the few who can't even leave the house w/o all the kids because their wife can't be alone with the children more than a couple hours before she starts calling? The ones that haven't left the house but a handful of times in four years? What about the poor fellows who live so far out in the country, have no family, and there is nobody to watch, babysit, or keep the kids for even a half a day while they get out of the house to work a bit. The ones that waste away at home because they are condemned to 18 years of house arrest. Then after the 18 years your left with nothing, no career, no social security, nothing. So yes blogger, you are correct about one thing if anything....you don't hear about the ones who think this life is Hell. The ones who would give ANYTHING just to be able to work and feel like a man again. The ones like................ Me. You are right about one thing you don't see the horror stories very often. You don't see the guys who worked ALL of their life who suddenly become a stay at home dad to a newborn baby, two toddlers and a teenager. Not knowing anything at all, scared to death. You don't hear about the guys who's other friends look at them like they are less than a man. Or how about the ones who's wife tells them they are worthless, good for nothing, and that they don't own anything because all they do is sit around taking care of kids all day? How about the few who can't even leave the house w/o all the kids because their wife can't be alone with the children more than a couple hours before she starts calling? The ones that haven't left the house but a handful of times in four years? What about the poor fellows who live so far out in the country, have no family, and there is nobody to watch, babysit, or keep the kids for even a half a day while they get out of the house to work a bit. The ones that waste away at home because they are condemned to 18 years of house arrest. Then after the 18 years your left with nothing, no career, no social security, nothing. So yes blogger, you are correct about one thing if anything….you don't hear about the ones who think this life is Hell. The ones who would give ANYTHING just to be able to work and feel like a man again. The ones like…………….

Me.

]]> By: Not the average SAHD http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-2/#comment-259696 Not the average SAHD Mon, 05 Sep 2011 23:32:00 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-259696 You are right about one thing you don't see the horror stories very often. You don't see the guys who worked ALL of their life who suddenly become a stay at home dad to a newborn baby, two toddlers and a teenager. Not knowing anything at all, scared to death. You don't hear about the guys who's other friends look at them like they are less than a man. Or how about the ones who's wife tells them they are worthless, good for nothing, and that they don't own anything because all they do is sit around taking care of kids all day? How about the few who can't even leave the house w/o all the kids because their wife can't be alone with the children more than a couple hours before she starts calling? The ones that haven't left the house but a handful of times in four years? What about the poor fellows who live so far out in the country, have no family, and there is nobody to watch, babysit, or keep the kids for even a half a day while they get out of the house to work a bit. The ones that waste away at home because they are condemned to 18 years of house arrest. Then after the 18 years your left with nothing, no career, no social security, nothing. So yes blogger, you are correct about one thing if anything....you don't hear about the ones who think this life is Hell. The ones who would give ANYTHING just to be able to work and feel like a man again. The ones like................ Me. You are right about one thing you don't see the horror stories very often. You don't see the guys who worked ALL of their life who suddenly become a stay at home dad to a newborn baby, two toddlers and a teenager. Not knowing anything at all, scared to death. You don't hear about the guys who's other friends look at them like they are less than a man. Or how about the ones who's wife tells them they are worthless, good for nothing, and that they don't own anything because all they do is sit around taking care of kids all day? How about the few who can't even leave the house w/o all the kids because their wife can't be alone with the children more than a couple hours before she starts calling? The ones that haven't left the house but a handful of times in four years? What about the poor fellows who live so far out in the country, have no family, and there is nobody to watch, babysit, or keep the kids for even a half a day while they get out of the house to work a bit. The ones that waste away at home because they are condemned to 18 years of house arrest. Then after the 18 years your left with nothing, no career, no social security, nothing. So yes blogger, you are correct about one thing if anything….you don't hear about the ones who think this life is Hell. The ones who would give ANYTHING just to be able to work and feel like a man again. The ones like…………….

Me.

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