Comments on: My own marriage and the myth of the stay-at-home dad http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/ Advice at the intersection of work and life Wed, 17 Mar 2010 05:26:30 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc hourly 1 By: Leo http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-4/#comment-223523 Leo Thu, 11 Mar 2010 18:55:16 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-223523 I know that I'm a little late in the game but I saw this blog and wanted to add my thoughts just in case it's still being followed. I am a stay at home dad and you can talk to me anytime you'd like. There is no shame in being one and dealing with whatever feelings I have about this choice that I was very much in control of...it was my choice just like it is every other man's choice. Whenever I have feelings that are out of line with what it means to be an adult, and a great father, dealing with adult issues like raising my wonderful little boy, I think about him first. When it’s all said and done that’s where the buck stops. My son did not choose to come here; he was created by God through my wife and me. I suppose I am so grateful to have him in my life that putting my needs last and my son's first (although not a natural inclination at first) has become natural for me. Anyone who is bitter or resentful in even the smallest way about the awesome responsibility of being with their children is sorely missing the point. IT IS A SACRIFICE. I know that I'm a little late in the game but I saw this blog and wanted to add my thoughts just in case it's still being followed. I am a stay at home dad and you can talk to me anytime you'd like. There is no shame in being one and dealing with whatever feelings I have about this choice that I was very much in control of…it was my choice just like it is every other man's choice. Whenever I have feelings that are out of line with what it means to be an adult, and a great father, dealing with adult issues like raising my wonderful little boy, I think about him first. When it’s all said and done that’s where the buck stops. My son did not choose to come here; he was created by God through my wife and me. I suppose I am so grateful to have him in my life that putting my needs last and my son's first (although not a natural inclination at first) has become natural for me. Anyone who is bitter or resentful in even the smallest way about the awesome responsibility of being with their children is sorely missing the point. IT IS A SACRIFICE.

]]> By: BankrG http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-4/#comment-222256 BankrG Wed, 03 Mar 2010 17:40:18 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-222256 I totally get what your saying. We live in a testosterone encased society where even though our husband's may be better equipped to stay at home with the kids, in general society raises an eyebrow. I applaud the husband who can list himself as "stay at home" and hope that some day the testosterone-embalmed mindsets that frown on this activity simply fade away. I totally get what your saying. We live in a testosterone encased society where even though our husband's may be better equipped to stay at home with the kids, in general society raises an eyebrow. I applaud the husband who can list himself as "stay at home" and hope that some day the testosterone-embalmed mindsets that frown on this activity simply fade away.

]]> By: Ambivalent Feminism « Double Drudgery http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-4/#comment-222227 Ambivalent Feminism « Double Drudgery Wed, 03 Mar 2010 14:23:32 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-222227 [...] to take care of kids and home. Unless they are lucky enough to marry a stay-at-home husband; and usually that doesn’t work out either. Or unless they are successful enough to  hire a SAHM . Or unless they choose not to have [...] [...] to take care of kids and home. Unless they are lucky enough to marry a stay-at-home husband; and usually that doesn't work out either. Or unless they are successful enough to  hire a SAHM . Or unless they choose not to have [...]

]]> By: Andrea http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-1/#comment-221332 Andrea Mon, 22 Feb 2010 14:46:28 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-221332 I absolutely agree with your comment Leslie. I have 8 kids (blended family) 6 of whom still live at home, the youngest is 8. I would like nothing better than to stay home full time. It is interesting that while there is an expectation that I work and help support our family, there is still a huge double standard that I be the one doing all the cooking, cleaning & shopping. I feel like I have 2 full time jobs and I am exhausted. If I bring up the idea of staying home I am looked at like I have just grown 2 heads. When I was a single mother of 5 I didn't have an issue working and caring for the 4 kids still at home, but now I have nearly doubled the mouths to feed and my workload. Women's lib is great for those who want it, but I often feel that this "equality" for earning has been rammed down the throats of those of us who want to be home caring for our families and can't. We could easily afford for me to be home its just that my husband has been raised to feel somehow put upon and stressed to carry the whole load himself. What happened to the strong men of the 50's? I absolutely agree with your comment Leslie. I have 8 kids (blended family) 6 of whom still live at home, the youngest is 8. I would like nothing better than to stay home full time.

It is interesting that while there is an expectation that I work and help support our family, there is still a huge double standard that I be the one doing all the cooking, cleaning & shopping. I feel like I have 2 full time jobs and I am exhausted.

If I bring up the idea of staying home I am looked at like I have just grown 2 heads. When I was a single mother of 5 I didn't have an issue working and caring for the 4 kids still at home, but now I have nearly doubled the mouths to feed and my workload.

Women's lib is great for those who want it, but I often feel that this "equality" for earning has been rammed down the throats of those of us who want to be home caring for our families and can't.

We could easily afford for me to be home its just that my husband has been raised to feel somehow put upon and stressed to carry the whole load himself. What happened to the strong men of the 50's?

]]> By: FatBurningFurnace http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-4/#comment-219168 FatBurningFurnace Tue, 26 Jan 2010 07:11:43 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-219168 Just according to the family needs and don't feel so hard for the sake of face. Just according to the family needs and don't feel so hard for the sake of face.

]]> By: Mp3 Rocket http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-4/#comment-219166 Mp3 Rocket Tue, 26 Jan 2010 07:06:02 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-219166 It is OK to be a stay at home dad. It is OK to be a stay at home dad.

]]> By: Cara http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-4/#comment-217086 Cara Wed, 30 Dec 2009 20:15:49 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-217086 I'm a breadwinner wife with a stay-at-home dad. He is miserable and complains endlessly, which drives me crazy. Interesting fact: when I tell people he's a SAHD, they look puzzled and ask me what he does all day. No one would ask that of a mom, would they? Now I tell them he's retired, and no one questions that. Very sad. I'm a breadwinner wife with a stay-at-home dad. He is miserable and complains endlessly, which drives me crazy. Interesting fact: when I tell people he's a SAHD, they look puzzled and ask me what he does all day. No one would ask that of a mom, would they? Now I tell them he's retired, and no one questions that. Very sad.

]]> By: Narner http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-4/#comment-215857 Narner Tue, 08 Dec 2009 20:23:19 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-215857 Hey I am a stay at home dad going through a divorce. I gotta say I am glad you are at least trying. My biased feelings at the moment make me think that you really have no respect for your usband being a stay at home dad. I know my wife doesn't respect me for it. She even told me ... " You should be proud of your time as a stay at home dad.... but ashaimed of yourself for not being establised in a career at 36." I think one of the problems with being a stay at home dad is that no matter what the wife claimes to think she can't respect him and on some level feels guilty for not being at home with the kids. I havn't read all your blog yet but here is some of my situation. I have asked for Marraige counceling for the past 5 years. She refuses telling me I am the only one with a problem. Until one day when our emotionally immature 8 year old starts having problems. Then we do about 5 sessions. The things she said she would do in the sessions never happen. Then rather than her cut back at work or sell our big home, or temporarily seperate she decides on divorce. She assumed that I would just walk away. When I didn't she kidnaps the kids and files a bogus restraining order. Thank God the judge saw how bogus it was and didn't grant it. Now she has gone on a smear campaign in our community all the lady gossips at my kids school won't talk to me any more and stair at me like I am some kind of psycho. One whome I have never socialized with felt she needed to tell me off just the other day. Just to get things straigt I was faithful never beat her, don't do drugs, and I am not a drunk. I am guilty of yelling, screaming, crying, and begging for her to treat me as an equal partner and with respect. So as you know she also doesn't share any of the money. She felt and said so that because she is the mother that I should get the house and the kids and I should just leave. Lucky for me the law as brutal as it can be doesn't agree with her. Okay sorry I just say an opertunity to express frustrations. I am sure you did not financially and emotionaly abuse your husband as I have been. But please for the sake of your kids do not try and take the kids away from him. Don't lie and demonize him to your friends. Be a friend and an adult. If you want to save you family then love the man for gods sake. Even if you do divorce do your darndest to be friends. I can't even tell you what this ugly divorce war my wife started is doing to my kids. Hey I am a stay at home dad going through a divorce. I gotta say I am glad you are at least trying. My biased feelings at the moment make me think that you really have no respect for your usband being a stay at home dad. I know my wife doesn't respect me for it. She even told me … " You should be proud of your time as a stay at home dad…. but ashaimed of yourself for not being establised in a career at 36."
I think one of the problems with being a stay at home dad is that no matter what the wife claimes to think she can't respect him and on some level feels guilty for not being at home with the kids.
I havn't read all your blog yet but here is some of my situation.
I have asked for Marraige counceling for the past 5 years. She refuses telling me I am the only one with a problem. Until one day when our emotionally immature 8 year old starts having problems. Then we do about 5 sessions. The things she said she would do in the sessions never happen. Then rather than her cut back at work or sell our big home, or temporarily seperate she decides on divorce.
She assumed that I would just walk away. When I didn't she kidnaps the kids and files a bogus restraining order. Thank God the judge saw how bogus it was and didn't grant it. Now she has gone on a smear campaign in our community all the lady gossips at my kids school won't talk to me any more and stair at me like I am some kind of psycho. One whome I have never socialized with felt she needed to tell me off just the other day. Just to get things straigt I was faithful never beat her, don't do drugs, and I am not a drunk.
I am guilty of yelling, screaming, crying, and begging for her to treat me as an equal partner and with respect. So as you know she also doesn't share any of the money. She felt and said so that because she is the mother that I should get the house and the kids and I should just leave. Lucky for me the law as brutal as it can be doesn't agree with her.

Okay sorry I just say an opertunity to express frustrations. I am sure you did not financially and emotionaly abuse your husband as I have been. But please for the sake of your kids do not try and take the kids away from him. Don't lie and demonize him to your friends.
Be a friend and an adult. If you want to save you family then love the man for gods sake. Even if you do divorce do your darndest to be friends. I can't even tell you what this ugly divorce war my wife started is doing to my kids.

]]> By: Sterilize Penelope Trunk and then, please, teach her to be a grownup - God Blogging (and more) http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-4/#comment-208606 Sterilize Penelope Trunk and then, please, teach her to be a grownup - God Blogging (and more) Thu, 08 Oct 2009 20:15:06 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-208606 [...] the most personal of issues, including her marital problems. I’d leave her too. (A glance at her blog about her then-husband demonstrates Trunk’s total cluelessness about parenting, since she can’t say anything [...] [...] the most personal of issues, including her marital problems. I'd leave her too. (A glance at her blog about her then-husband demonstrates Trunk's total cluelessness about parenting, since she can't say anything [...]

]]> By: Annie ( Property Sales ) Wagner http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/comment-page-3/#comment-207752 Annie ( Property Sales ) Wagner Wed, 07 Oct 2009 12:32:39 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/20/my-own-marriage-and-the-myth-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/#comment-207752 Excellent blog this blog.penelopetrunk.com well done and I am really pleased to see : this it's just what I needed to know. It's taken me literally 1 hours and 17 minutes of searching the web to find blog.penelopetrunk.com (joke) ;) But seriously I am really interested in For Sale normally and so I shall be very pleased to become a regular visitor See you soon Excellent blog this blog.penelopetrunk.com well done and I am really pleased to see : this it's just what I needed to know.
It's taken me literally 1 hours and 17 minutes of searching the web to find blog.penelopetrunk.com (joke) ;)
But seriously I am really interested in For Sale normally and so I shall be very pleased to become a regular visitor

See you soon

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