Comments on: How to start a quality conversation with someone you don't know http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/ Advice at the intersection of work and life Sun, 08 Nov 2009 04:20:06 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc hourly 1 By: Sales Engineer http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/comment-page-1/#comment-188291 Sales Engineer Sun, 28 Jun 2009 20:54:13 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/#comment-188291 For those who don't yet know and use them, the best words to develop a conversation are 'How' and 'What'. They begin open questions and lead to informative answers. If you add some insightful comments, it doesn't take long for rapport to develop. One caution, you may find yourself to a long monologue and you will need some more <a href="http://seviourbooks.com/articles-by-robert-seviour.htm" rel="nofollow">linguistic tools</a> to deal with this if you have an 'agenda' of your own. For those who don't yet know and use them, the best words to develop a conversation are 'How' and 'What'. They begin open questions and lead to informative answers. If you add some insightful comments, it doesn't take long for rapport to develop.

One caution, you may find yourself to a long monologue and you will need some more linguistic tools to deal with this if you have an 'agenda' of your own.

]]> By: Mirce http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/comment-page-1/#comment-181292 Mirce Fri, 20 Feb 2009 22:11:23 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/#comment-181292 Nice said! I'm a kind of introverted..what introverted? I have social phobia to be precise and it is really difficult to make it in the current society. This condition happens mostly during the winter and on parties/trips. Otherwise, I can act normal! WHen I see how others manage to talk about something interesting my mind goes like a new CD. Then I spend hours thinking about that I can not put 2 words together :) What can be done in this situation? Nice said! I'm a kind of introverted..what introverted? I have social phobia to be precise and it is really difficult to make it in the current society.
This condition happens mostly during the winter and on parties/trips. Otherwise, I can act normal!
WHen I see how others manage to talk about something interesting my mind goes like a new CD. Then I spend hours thinking about that I can not put 2 words together :)
What can be done in this situation?

]]> By: Allan Bacon http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/comment-page-1/#comment-179592 Allan Bacon Tue, 20 Jan 2009 00:47:47 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/#comment-179592 I love meeting new people & am naturally curious, so this is something that comes easily to me. What works for me is finding areas of common interest. This is especially true when I meet new people (like on a flight, or on a business trip). I just keep asking questions about the topics that interest me. I think that "Everyone is cool" and that if you keep talking, you'll get to what that cool thing is. Starting with "where are you from?" and going from there is great - I just think of everyone as an expert in something - and I just have to keep asking. So if they are from New York, I ask about some things that I saw there on a vacation. I ask anything i've ever wondered about NY. If they are an NFL ref (this happened one time), I ask about what happens when they blow a call, how do they get assigned to games, how do they get into refereeing. It's always amazing what you'll find out if you come from a place of curiousity. But you have to be willing to steer the conversation to the things that interest you. I love meeting new people & am naturally curious, so this is something that comes easily to me.

What works for me is finding areas of common interest. This is especially true when I meet new people (like on a flight, or on a business trip). I just keep asking questions about the topics that interest me.

I think that "Everyone is cool" and that if you keep talking, you'll get to what that cool thing is.

Starting with "where are you from?" and going from there is great – I just think of everyone as an expert in something – and I just have to keep asking. So if they are from New York, I ask about some things that I saw there on a vacation. I ask anything i've ever wondered about NY.

If they are an NFL ref (this happened one time), I ask about what happens when they blow a call, how do they get assigned to games, how do they get into refereeing.

It's always amazing what you'll find out if you come from a place of curiousity. But you have to be willing to steer the conversation to the things that interest you.

]]> By: Engineering soft skills and stepping outside your circle of competence | Chris Gammell's Analog Life http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/comment-page-1/#comment-172103 Engineering soft skills and stepping outside your circle of competence | Chris Gammell's Analog Life Wed, 22 Oct 2008 02:23:39 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/#comment-172103 [...] You know what you do a lot of at conventions? You stand around a lot. You know what else you do? You make small talk with strangers. But the skill here is learning how to open people up to talking about more than the OSU football [...] [...] You know what you do a lot of at conventions? You stand around a lot. You know what else you do? You make small talk with strangers. But the skill here is learning how to open people up to talking about more than the OSU football [...]

]]> By: 如何吸引别人的兴趣 - One Leo http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/comment-page-1/#comment-147878 如何吸引别人的兴趣 - One Leo Sun, 25 May 2008 06:26:59 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/#comment-147878 [...] while back I wrote about Moira Gunn, and how she is good at interviewing people because she can find what’s [...] [...] while back I wrote about Moira Gunn, and how she is good at interviewing people because she can find what’s [...]

]]> By: farouk http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/comment-page-1/#comment-143561 farouk Fri, 11 Apr 2008 08:59:52 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/#comment-143561 interesting topic, i agree with ivan interesting topic, i agree with ivan

]]> By: Mark W. http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/comment-page-1/#comment-135522 Mark W. Mon, 11 Feb 2008 03:57:35 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/#comment-135522 Here's the other side of the coin that can be even more challenging - a quality conversation with someone you've known for a long time. You know their likes and dislikes, interests, habits, etc. so well that finding a 'new topic' can be difficult. You ask what's new in their life and then you go over what you've been doing lately. There's times I can only go so far and then I'm drawing blanks as to what the next topic of discussion should be. If both people are experiencing this predicament at the same time, it really gets to be awkward. This other side of the coin challenge is to maintain a lively and interesting conversation. Sometimes and with some people it will take nearly no effort at all. However there are those times when I really have to work at it by truly listening and being engaged in the conversation. Maybe all that is required is to use the same skills as you would with someone you don't know on someone you do know but in a different way or direction. Here's the other side of the coin that can be even more challenging – a quality conversation with someone you've known for a long time. You know their likes and dislikes, interests, habits, etc. so well that finding a 'new topic' can be difficult. You ask what's new in their life and then you go over what you've been doing lately. There's times I can only go so far and then I'm drawing blanks as to what the next topic of discussion should be. If both people are experiencing this predicament at the same time, it really gets to be awkward. This other side of the coin challenge is to maintain a lively and interesting conversation. Sometimes and with some people it will take nearly no effort at all. However there are those times when I really have to work at it by truly listening and being engaged in the conversation. Maybe all that is required is to use the same skills as you would with someone you don't know on someone you do know but in a different way or direction.

]]> By: jrandom42 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/comment-page-1/#comment-134252 jrandom42 Thu, 17 Jan 2008 17:47:42 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/#comment-134252 As an introverted adult Asperger, running through an open field with an entire regiment of the North Vietnamese Regular Army shooting a month's worth of ammunition in 30 seconds at me, is far preferable to attempting to strike up a conversation with someone I don't know. Guess I'm really screwed, aren't I? As an introverted adult Asperger, running through an open field with an entire regiment of the North Vietnamese Regular Army shooting a month's worth of ammunition in 30 seconds at me, is far preferable to attempting to strike up a conversation with someone I don't know.

Guess I'm really screwed, aren't I?

]]> By: Networking for Shy People | Cube Rules http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/comment-page-1/#comment-118506 Networking for Shy People | Cube Rules Thu, 06 Dec 2007 18:16:14 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/#comment-118506 [...] It’s a serious issue, especially talking to people one on one. But Penelope Trunk offered some good advice in how to start a quality conversation with someone you don’t know. [...] [...] It's a serious issue, especially talking to people one on one. But Penelope Trunk offered some good advice in how to start a quality conversation with someone you don't know. [...]

]]> By: Modite - 7 steps to getting meetings with movers and shakers http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/comment-page-1/#comment-113111 Modite - 7 steps to getting meetings with movers and shakers Mon, 26 Nov 2007 18:35:52 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/07/09/how-to-start-a-quality-conversation-with-someone-you-dont-know/#comment-113111 [...] and Celebrity #3. Must they cluster? Go and introduce yourself anyway. You are not a chicken. Go! You don’t have to have a lot to say. Just introduce yourself, set the stage for a meeting, and gracefully [...] [...] and Celebrity #3. Must they cluster? Go and introduce yourself anyway. You are not a chicken. Go! You don't have to have a lot to say. Just introduce yourself, set the stage for a meeting, and gracefully [...]

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