Comments on: Send: Etiquette for apologizing in an email http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/ Advice at the intersection of work and life Thu, 09 Feb 2012 13:32:22 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Raymond J. http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/comment-page-1/#comment-219303 Raymond J. Tue, 26 Jan 2010 22:40:15 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/#comment-219303 Great article. Thanks for posting. I always like the psychology part in stuff:-) This was really something to think of. Not that I have to apologise to anyone right now, but certainly some things to let sink in. Thanks again. - Ray J. - Mobilhuset:<a href="http://www.mobilhuset.org/mobil/mobiltelefon-uten-abonnement.php" rel="nofollow">Mobiltelefon uten abonnement</a> Great article. Thanks for posting. I always like the psychology part in stuff:-) This was really something to think of. Not that I have to apologise to anyone right now, but certainly some things to let sink in. Thanks again. – Ray J. – Mobilhuset:Mobiltelefon uten abonnement

]]> By: Wedding Planner Book http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/comment-page-1/#comment-217980 Wedding Planner Book Thu, 14 Jan 2010 01:08:45 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/#comment-217980 the problem with this is that things can be taken wrong. you don't understand the voice inflection they are using and that matters greatly. the problem with this is that things can be taken wrong. you don't understand the voice inflection they are using and that matters greatly.

]]> By: Jen @ 1 Mother of the Bride http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/comment-page-1/#comment-181284 Jen @ 1 Mother of the Bride Fri, 20 Feb 2009 20:44:21 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/#comment-181284 It's hard to believe that someone can genuinely send a thank you for a wedding gift by text message - are people really that short on time. It's strange how people can justify long delays in sending their thank you cards, seemingly oblivious to the amount of time and effort that has been put into choosing them, not to mention the cost. Why don't brides-to-be pre-write the thankyou envelopes before the wedding, pop stamps on ready, then write a few simple and personal lines after the wedding? It's hard to believe that someone can genuinely send a thank you for a wedding gift by text message – are people really that short on time. It's strange how people can justify long delays in sending their thank you cards, seemingly oblivious to the amount of time and effort that has been put into choosing them, not to mention the cost.

Why don't brides-to-be pre-write the thankyou envelopes before the wedding, pop stamps on ready, then write a few simple and personal lines after the wedding?

]]> By: pelf-ism is contagious » Blog Archive » Read It Now - 9 May 2007 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/comment-page-1/#comment-68385 pelf-ism is contagious » Blog Archive » Read It Now - 9 May 2007 Wed, 09 May 2007 03:22:04 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/#comment-68385 [...] Should you, or should you not apologize in an email? [...] [...] Should you, or should you not apologize in an email? [...]

]]> By: Will Schwalbe http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/comment-page-1/#comment-66651 Will Schwalbe Fri, 04 May 2007 10:20:01 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/#comment-66651 <I>The "truth" thing is such an important point. I find any time I start using exculpatory content ("However...") or find myself in a passive construction ("Mistakes were made"), it's time to start the email again and make sure it's genuinely and totally apologetic. And thanks, Tom, for reminding me of "high tech, high touch" -- a great phrase that I haven't heard for years. That really should be the holy grail. I'm also really glad you are enjoying the book. What we want to do is get people to think about why they are choosing the medium they are choosing -- and not just do it reflexively. So it's great to see people pondering these issues. Better communication=fewer apologies is an excellent point. And a text message may be fine for STARTING an apology or big thank-you -- the problem sounds like it came about because the wedding gift thank-you stopped there. If the person had sent the text and followed with a note, that might be even nicer than just a note, because the text lets you know right away that your gift arrived. "Proper note to follow" or an abbreviation thereof strikes me as a good text/email/IM phrase and habit. And great point on the archiving. A UK lawyer reminded us that an apology can hold up in court as an expression of guilt, so everyone will want to keep that in mind if there are legal issues at stake. But if there aren't, I think I would rather be known in my organization as someone who is willing to shoulder blame (even if I wasn't entirely in the wrong) than someone who shirks it, which may be my rep if there's never any email record of my apologising for anything. --Will</I> The "truth" thing is such an important point. I find any time I start using exculpatory content ("However…") or find myself in a passive construction ("Mistakes were made"), it's time to start the email again and make sure it's genuinely and totally apologetic.

And thanks, Tom, for reminding me of "high tech, high touch" — a great phrase that I haven't heard for years. That really should be the holy grail. I'm also really glad you are enjoying the book. What we want to do is get people to think about why they are choosing the medium they are choosing — and not just do it reflexively. So it's great to see people pondering these issues.

Better communication=fewer apologies is an excellent point.

And a text message may be fine for STARTING an apology or big thank-you — the problem sounds like it came about because the wedding gift thank-you stopped there. If the person had sent the text and followed with a note, that might be even nicer than just a note, because the text lets you know right away that your gift arrived. "Proper note to follow" or an abbreviation thereof strikes me as a good text/email/IM phrase and habit.

And great point on the archiving. A UK lawyer reminded us that an apology can hold up in court as an expression of guilt, so everyone will want to keep that in mind if there are legal issues at stake. But if there aren't, I think I would rather be known in my organization as someone who is willing to shoulder blame (even if I wasn't entirely in the wrong) than someone who shirks it, which may be my rep if there's never any email record of my apologising for anything.

–Will

]]> By: Greg http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/comment-page-1/#comment-65387 Greg Mon, 30 Apr 2007 13:00:03 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/#comment-65387 Keep in mind that email is archived and stored by many (if not most) organizations. Make certain ANY emailed apology is appropriate to be read by the masses, even if it is sent only to a single person. Because of this, I recommend the face-to-face or telephone for personal apologies (although the viral element for groups, especially large groups, may be desirable). Keep in mind that email is archived and stored by many (if not most) organizations. Make certain ANY emailed apology is appropriate to be read by the masses, even if it is sent only to a single person. Because of this, I recommend the face-to-face or telephone for personal apologies (although the viral element for groups, especially large groups, may be desirable).

]]> By: Tetsou http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/comment-page-1/#comment-64308 Tetsou Sat, 28 Apr 2007 14:50:46 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/#comment-64308 There is certainly an etiquette when it comes to email apologies. I'd say that it depends upon the apology. Sometimes copying the team into the message can be effective if your apology involved others. Other times its best to pick up the phone and say the words. Lower down in the scale of sensitivity - if that's the right word - is text messaging. My wife recently receive a text message via her mobile phone thanking us for a wedding gift! Needless to say we haven't spoken to the couple since. Tetsou There is certainly an etiquette when it comes to email apologies. I'd say that it depends upon the apology. Sometimes copying the team into the message can be effective if your apology involved others. Other times its best to pick up the phone and say the words.

Lower down in the scale of sensitivity – if that's the right word – is text messaging. My wife recently receive a text message via her mobile phone thanking us for a wedding gift!

Needless to say we haven't spoken to the couple since.

Tetsou

]]> By: AjiNIMC - difficult transition of programmer to manager in 2005 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/comment-page-1/#comment-63888 AjiNIMC - difficult transition of programmer to manager in 2005 Fri, 27 Apr 2007 18:06:26 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/#comment-63888 More than apologies, the important factor is communication. Let the person know what you feel, 90% of the time the problems does not exists it is the communication gap. Email or any communication medium can be used but do COMMUNICATE. With a proper communication apologies are very hardly needed, people start understanding people. I highly recommend and teach communication. More than apologies, the important factor is communication. Let the person know what you feel, 90% of the time the problems does not exists it is the communication gap.

Email or any communication medium can be used but do COMMUNICATE. With a proper communication apologies are very hardly needed, people start understanding people. I highly recommend and teach communication.

]]> By: Tom Morgan http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/comment-page-1/#comment-63885 Tom Morgan Fri, 27 Apr 2007 18:04:57 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/#comment-63885 Will, I totally agree that apologizing in person is much more effective. We overvalue the use of e-mail for all sorts of communication that require a more personal touch. We spend so much time alone in front of our PC's that we can lose touch with our friends, family, and co-workers. Whatever happened to the phrase "high tech, high touch"? We are more concerned about efficiency than effectiveness which in the end can make us ineffective. I am really enjoying your book "Send" and your guide on when to use different types of media. Will,

I totally agree that apologizing in person is much more effective. We overvalue the use of e-mail for all sorts of communication that require a more personal touch.

We spend so much time alone in front of our PC's that we can lose touch with our friends, family, and co-workers.

Whatever happened to the phrase "high tech, high touch"? We are more concerned about efficiency than effectiveness which in the end can make us ineffective.

I am really enjoying your book "Send" and your guide on when to use different types of media.

]]> By: Tyrone http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/comment-page-1/#comment-63883 Tyrone Fri, 27 Apr 2007 17:49:59 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/27/send-etiquette-for-apologizing-in-an-email/#comment-63883 Also, make sure your apology is a true apology. I once had to coach someone through one of those letters...in his apology email, he took the time to insist that the other party was also wrong.... *bzzzt* Don't do that! Just apologize. Also, make sure your apology is a true apology. I once had to coach someone through one of those letters…in his apology email, he took the time to insist that the other party was also wrong….

*bzzzt*

Don't do that! Just apologize.

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