Comments on: Send: Why Good People Send Savage Emails

By: Applied Psychology: Conflict Escalation - The Personal MBA ™

Applied Psychology: Conflict Escalation - The Personal MBA ™ — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 22:37:29 +0000

[...] o'the hat to Penelope Trunk, who tipped Vincent off to the article.) Share this post: Tweet It | Facebook It | Stumble It | [...]

By: I hate email | The Invesp Blog

I hate email | The Invesp Blog — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 04:40:54 +0000

[...] agency. One way or another, the technical teams flamed each other via email on regular basis. These angry emails did not help the relationship with the client at all. Whether angry emails come back to hunt or not, I follow the 24 hour rule before sending an angry [...]

By: Applied Psychology: Conflict Escalation

Applied Psychology: Conflict Escalation — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 13:44:56 +0000

[...] (Tip o'the hat to Penelope Trunk, who tipped Vincent off to the article.) [...]

By: Will Schwalbe

Will Schwalbe — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 15:49:02 +0000

It is so fascinating to read all these comments. I love the expression "Step Away From the Email" and the phrase "Email Road Rage." And the "assume any email could wind up on the company bulletin board (or the front page of the NYT)" is great advice.

Good to see Gervais mentioned, too — I gather that The Office (US Version) featured an email episode last week, though I haven't caught up with it. As for the comparison to seventh grade note-exchanging — that really struck a chord with me. A painful one. Email seems to encourage those same lesser angels of our nature that often emerge in the early teen years.

Also loved seeing Scott Allen referenced. I'm a big fan of his book, The Virtual Handshake. And the Lincoln post is a revelation. We quote one Lincoln story in the book. Scary — Lincoln was ahead of the curve in just about every respect.

And, yes, one of the things that prompted us to write this was the trouble caused by people who love email drama. We can't stop them — but we can expose them. Working on post two. Again, thanks for all the great comments.

–Will

By: Sonja Franks

Sonja Franks — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 17:00:33 +0000

Just for the record, there are people out there who actually love and embrace the fact that email is there, making it more convenient and cowardly, to cause problems for other people. I actually worked for a man who looked forward to sending and receiving critical, argumentative emails. Hours of productivity were lost to this activity. Needless to say, no one wanted to deal with him, and I actually quit the job to get away from him. I know it is extreme, but I don't think it is that rare. Some people thrive on drama, and emails are a quick fix without actual confrontation.

By: Michael Schaffner

Michael Schaffner — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 17:19:59 +0000

Tim Sanders has an excellent post "Write letters like Lincoln, to yourself." http://sanderssays.typepad.com/sanders_says/2006/12/write_letters_l.html that talks about how "Lincoln wrote scathing and satirical letters to his generals and then filed them away and never sent them. Those letters, if sent, would have undermined his ability to inspire and lead.

He was able to "air it out" without making enemies. This exercise was a useful tool in helping Lincoln to cope with the times and still influence people."

What an excellent idea

By: Nerd Guru

Nerd Guru — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 23:57:47 +0000

Great advice on dealing with these things. I was talking with Scott Allen about anger and emails this week on the subtopic of whether or not someone is really as angry as they seem. We talked about how it's harder to control context in a text medium and that someone might not really be escalating a confrontation, but merely made word choices that are ambiguous.

I haven't read Send yet (am looking forward to it, though), but my trick for that is when some email ticks me off I have my wife read it before I respond. Since she doesn't have the same perspective on my work issues that I do, she has a more open view of what the text might really mean. It's saved me a lot of heartache over the years and I've wanted to kick myself when I forget to enlist her help on something that blew up when it didn't have to.

By: Almost Got It

Almost Got It — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 17:49:05 +0000

This is very good advice, even if it makes us uncomfortable. A couple of nasty email exchanges finally convinced me to leave my last job, and I've heard similar stories from many others. It is a phenomenon not unlike the friendship-detroying note-passing I remember from grade school, as my own daughter has recently encountered to her own chagrin. Authority figures who project a "No Interest/No Time!!" aura definitely contribute to the problem in the workplace; a growing articulateness, coupled with immaturity and shyness, to the notes which have hurt many a young girl. The rest of us simply have to contend with being human, which is liability enough, so Will Schwalbe's words, admonishing though they be, are worth diamonds (or even more: one's intact pension plan!)

By: laurence haughton

laurence haughton — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 18:16:17 +0000

That email seems more like the typical "bossy" memo from some supervisor who thinks it is his/her prerogative to throw their authority around. I've seen the same message left on post-it notes and even heard similar finger wagging tirades in morning staff meetings. Same stuff / different means. Sounds like the kind of boss that inspired Ricky Gervais to write "The Office."

By: Tom O'Brien

Tom O'Brien — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 15:34:38 +0000

I think there is an element of *facelessness* to email that encourages otherwise sane people to do things they shouldn't.

My advice? Assume any email you send could be posted on the company bulletin board at any time.

Tom O'B