Comments on: If someone's bugging you, change yourself http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/10/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/ Advice at the intersection of work and life Fri, 19 Mar 2010 22:10:24 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc hourly 1 By: Mary van de WIel http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/10/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-187371 Mary van de WIel Sun, 14 Jun 2009 14:08:46 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/04/28/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/#comment-187371 Penelope, thanks for your insights re that four-letter word: TONE! Being the obsessive branding provocateur that I am, I never stop raving on about the importance of tone! and particularly, how important it is to be mindful of the tone of your business brand! Then too, of course, it's about paying more attention to your brand's behavior! Just like a misbehaving puppy, brands have a tendency to misbehave and it always (almost always) starts with a brand's particular tone, attitude and personality. So who is responsible here!? it comes down to the person wearing the hat of Brand Guardian, of course. You're the one who has to mind the tone of your brand so brava! thanks for helping to pierce the veil. I'm going to retell your story about the Amazon tribe and your couple's therapist. Kudos! Penelope, thanks for your insights re that four-letter word: TONE! Being the obsessive branding provocateur that I am, I never stop raving on about the importance of tone!

and particularly, how important it is to be mindful of the tone of your business brand! Then too, of course, it's about paying more attention to your brand's behavior! Just like a misbehaving puppy, brands have a tendency to misbehave and it always (almost always) starts with a brand's particular tone, attitude and personality. So who is responsible here!? it comes down to the person wearing the hat of Brand Guardian, of course. You're the one who has to mind the tone of your brand so brava! thanks for helping to pierce the veil. I'm going to retell your story about the Amazon tribe and your couple's therapist. Kudos!

]]> By: js http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/10/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-55718 js Wed, 11 Apr 2007 17:27:16 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/04/28/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/#comment-55718 That title should probably be "You Want Me to Work with Whom?" That title should probably be "You Want Me to Work with Whom?"

]]> By: Sherri Leigh http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/10/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-55357 Sherri Leigh Wed, 11 Apr 2007 01:21:16 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/04/28/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/#comment-55357 How hard it is to remember that I have to change when dealing with "difficult" people, but it is so true. It is usually not that the people are difficult, just that they do things in a way I am not used to. Changing my perspective has changed my relationships completely. How hard it is to remember that I have to change when dealing with "difficult" people, but it is so true. It is usually not that the people are difficult, just that they do things in a way I am not used to. Changing my perspective has changed my relationships completely.

]]> By: Stephanie West Allen http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/10/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-55248 Stephanie West Allen Tue, 10 Apr 2007 19:19:52 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/04/28/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/#comment-55248 Hi, Penelope. Nice point. In discussion such as these when the focus is on jerks, I am reminded of the Eleanor Roosevelt quote: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I recently elaborated on the choice we have for how we respond to people here: http://westallen.typepad.com/idealawg/2007/03/no_snake_consen.html Congrats about the LinkedIn sponsorship! Hi, Penelope. Nice point. In discussion such as these when the focus is on jerks, I am reminded of the Eleanor Roosevelt quote: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

I recently elaborated on the choice we have for how we respond to people here:

http://westallen.typepad.com/idealawg/2007/03/no_snake_consen.html

Congrats about the LinkedIn sponsorship!

]]> By: Joshua http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/10/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-55218 Joshua Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:23:54 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/04/28/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/#comment-55218 Ah, another blog post that is applicable in the personal world as well as in the career world. It's a lesson that I, perhaps, should have learned a long time ago. I'm so used to hearing about how 'special' I am and the necessity to be firm in my choices and high in my expectations, that it's always pleasing to read about when to change yourself because of someone else's actions. I'll definately keep this in mind. Thanks again, Penelope. Ah, another blog post that is applicable in the personal world as well as in the career world.

It's a lesson that I, perhaps, should have learned a long time ago. I'm so used to hearing about how 'special' I am and the necessity to be firm in my choices and high in my expectations, that it's always pleasing to read about when to change yourself because of someone else's actions.

I'll definately keep this in mind. Thanks again, Penelope.

]]> By: Richard http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/10/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-55210 Richard Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:11:38 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/04/28/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/#comment-55210 How do you know when it's the working environment and not the people that is bugging you? I work in the fortune 100 world and find that if you want to get ahead then you must be involved with the personality types that sets me off. These are the types who get ahead by bragging about # of hours worked and will jump off the building if it is for the good of the company. After many years of introspecting I'm starting to look at my future options and think it's time to look for work outside the cube farm! <strong>* * * * * * *</strong> <I>This is a good question. It's sort of different from the topic of the post. Becuase you can teach yourself to get along with any type of person who comes your way. But that doesn't mean those people are good for you. Finding where you belong is separate from getting along with the people you are with. It sounds like you don't feel like you belong where you are. The great thing about being able to get along with a wide range of people is that when you don't like where you are, you don't have to quit right away due to personality clashes. You can stay until you figure out a good transition plan for yourself. You could actually say that in this sense, getting along with people makes life more stable. --Penelope</i> How do you know when it's the working environment and not the people that is bugging you? I work in the fortune 100 world and find that if you want to get ahead then you must be involved with the personality types that sets me off. These are the types who get ahead by bragging about # of hours worked and will jump off the building if it is for the good of the company.

After many years of introspecting I'm starting to look at my future options and think it's time to look for work outside the cube farm!

* * * * * * *

This is a good question. It's sort of different from the topic of the post. Becuase you can teach yourself to get along with any type of person who comes your way. But that doesn't mean those people are good for you. Finding where you belong is separate from getting along with the people you are with.

It sounds like you don't feel like you belong where you are. The great thing about being able to get along with a wide range of people is that when you don't like where you are, you don't have to quit right away due to personality clashes. You can stay until you figure out a good transition plan for yourself.

You could actually say that in this sense, getting along with people makes life more stable.

–Penelope

]]> By: AjiNIMC - Gmail a part of my personal nerve center http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/10/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-55206 AjiNIMC - Gmail a part of my personal nerve center Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:03:53 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/04/28/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/#comment-55206 Do not forget to check this similar thread - Co-workers ask an absurd amount of questions - It's flattering, but distracting.... http://www.webmasterworld.com/webmaster_business_issues/3269118.htm Do not forget to check this similar thread – Co-workers ask an absurd amount of questions – It's flattering, but distracting….

http://www.webmasterworld.com/webmaster_business_issues/3269118.htm

]]> By: Lisa http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/10/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-55202 Lisa Tue, 10 Apr 2007 17:56:19 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/04/28/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/#comment-55202 "Work around their deficits" I love it and can see myself using this phrase a bunch from here on out as I listen to the vents and rants. It is empowering while also respectful since we all have our own deficits to deal with. Thanks! * * * * * * <I>The empowering point is so true. The less people can shake me up with their annoying behavior, the more steady I feel. It is very empowering to know that you can get along with almost anyone if you try. --Penelope </I> "Work around their deficits" I love it and can see myself using this phrase a bunch from here on out as I listen to the vents and rants. It is empowering while also respectful since we all have our own deficits to deal with. Thanks!

* * * * * *

The empowering point is so true. The less people can shake me up with their annoying behavior, the more steady I feel. It is very empowering to know that you can get along with almost anyone if you try.

–Penelope

]]> By: MyNameIsMatt http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/10/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-55196 MyNameIsMatt Tue, 10 Apr 2007 17:47:31 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/04/28/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/#comment-55196 [For example, he says, “How was your day?” with the tone of voice that someone uses for “I’m going to kill you.”] You might not think so, but that line is comedy gold. I can't stop smirking thinking about it. I can see how that would be offsetting, though, and there are certainly times when change is just not an option, and coping and acceptance is the best course of action. [For example, he says, “How was your day?” with the tone of voice that someone uses for “I’m going to kill you.”]

You might not think so, but that line is comedy gold. I can't stop smirking thinking about it. I can see how that would be offsetting, though, and there are certainly times when change is just not an option, and coping and acceptance is the best course of action.

]]> By: Margaret http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/04/10/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/comment-page-1/#comment-55129 Margaret Tue, 10 Apr 2007 15:11:51 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/04/28/if-someones-bugging-you-change-yourself/#comment-55129 Hi, Penelope. I sorta agree with what you're saying, for the most part, and with the posters above. But it only addresses annoying personality traits -- anality, tardiness, etc. -- versus more endemic, deep-seated impulses. One of my coworkers thinks, for instance, that she is Very Important, and that the fact of her Importance makes it OK for her to be rude, tardy, irresponsible, etc. To bend myself to her wishes would have the project grind to a halt. Sometimes, the wisest course of action is to isolate the troublemaker, or to give them enough rope to hang themselves, and hope they don't take the entire project with them. Hi, Penelope. I sorta agree with what you're saying, for the most part, and with the posters above. But it only addresses annoying personality traits — anality, tardiness, etc. — versus more endemic, deep-seated impulses. One of my coworkers thinks, for instance, that she is Very Important, and that the fact of her Importance makes it OK for her to be rude, tardy, irresponsible, etc. To bend myself to her wishes would have the project grind to a halt. Sometimes, the wisest course of action is to isolate the troublemaker, or to give them enough rope to hang themselves, and hope they don't take the entire project with them.

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