Comments on: Networking for people who hate it

By: The Greener Side of Networking. « City Beautiful: Green Urbanist Remix (CBGUR)

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 16:11:49 +0000

[...] yourself in. I personally had to take a pre-crash course in networking guidelines I found by way of Penelope Trunk's hilarious and very insightful blog posts. But as uncomfortable as these events may be to [...]

By: Furball

Furball — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 03:52:32 +0000

Penelope,

Just a head's up that I found someone ripping off your post at this link. He claims it was written by "Bill" and doesn't mention you at all. Pretty sad I thought. Hadn't seen this before on the net, but I'm guessing you see it happen more than you'd like.

http://www.employmentdigest.net/2007/03/networking-for-people-who-hate-networking/

By: Management Project » Blog Archive » Networking is not about you

Management Project » Blog Archive » Networking is not about you — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 09:22:57 +0000

[...] However, true effective networking means reaching out to people and offering your help. That's what works for me. It would work in a slightly different way depending on your interest areas. As Penelope Trunk says: So you can be good at networking by caring about other people. And you can’t fake being interested — it’s almost impossible. That means you have to genuinely care about other people. [...]

By: Ana

Ana — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 04:41:18 +0000

Thank you for explaining networking so well. Before reading this I thought that profesional netwroking has to be very profesional. Now I see, it is like social networking, except it is based on a common interest in a profession or an industry.

By: John

John — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 22:34:36 +0000

What about those of us who are just naturally unlikable? In the last 6-8 years, I've become increasingly aware of what seems to be a natural repulsiveness about me. My wife doesn't agree with my assessment, but I can't help but feel overwhelmingly unlikable.

I did hang out with a small circle of 'friends' several years back, but after many years of knowing these people it was brought to my attention that most everything I said or commented on pissed off a good deal of them. I wasn't even trying to be argumentative or belligerent; in fact most of the time I pissed people off was when I was telling a story or joke. This eventually came to a head and resulted in a large public blow up taking place through e-mails that were cc'd to too many people. It was… not pretty.

I try and be as nice to people as I can, because it's the decent thing to do and, well, I don't like jerks so I try not to be a jerk myself. However, I've worked at many places where I've seen folks come down the hall, poke their head into everyone's office to invite them to lunch, but they skip right past mine. When you're the new guy, sure, I can understand that, but I've had this happen at places where I've worked for more than a year. I've been in the awkward situation where they guy nobody likes comes and invites himself to lunch with your group, and I don't want to put others in that situation, but damned if it doesn't hurt when you're that guy and it's painfully obvious.

More recently, I worked as a consultant for a company that develops point of sale systems. They were in the process of creating new marketing material, and they took pictures of the entire team. However, with my picture, they decided that they really didn't like the way my face looked, so they Photoshopped in parts of other people's faces over mine. The owner of the company made a point to come tell me about it, because he thought it was extremely funny. Now, I no longer let anyone take my picture, because while I don't particularly feel that I'm all that hideous, what you feel about yourself doesn't always reflect reality or the way others see you, and I know now that I've got a… less than desirable look.

I can give countless other examples, but this comment has become long enough. Any advice for folks like this?

* * * * * * *

John,

I think you need professional help. There is a wide range of problems people can have at work, and there are a wide range of social abilities that show up at the workplace. What makes your situation unique is that you have noticed a long-term pattern of your social skills getting in the way of your professional life, and your closest friends (e.g. wife) do not seem to understand the problem. So your ability to get feedback and support from friends while you try to make personal changes seems limited.

A professional therapists/social worker/psycholgist type can help you to understand how other people see you and then help you to understand why you are projecting such a put-offish personality when that is not what you intend to project. This will help you to change.

Good luck.

Penelope

By: Cody McKibben

Cody McKibben — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 21:20:25 +0000

Another great article, Penelope. Thank you for sharing these great tips. I especially like your thoughts about starting a blog–it definitely has helped me build a few great relationships I would not otherwise have had!

Also, great job on your website redesign–it looks good.

-Cody

By: John J Wonders

John J Wonders — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 17:39:08 +0000

For those that are shy don't rule out going to a local networking event. And don't use the "I'm shy" excuse, because you don't have to worry about that.

The first thing that is going to happen is the person running the event is going to introduce themselves to you and find out a little about what you do. Since they know everyone there they are going to be able to introduce you to someone.

From there, don't force it just follow the steps that Penelope laid out and the next thing you know you will be networking.

John

By: Nikole Gipps

Nikole Gipps — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 08:48:26 +0000

I can be shy sometimes, so I just start the conversation by asking other people about themselves. I find that small business owners are passionate people, and they like to talk about their lines of work!

By: Benjamin Strong

Benjamin Strong — Sat, 24 Mar 2007 13:07:03 +0000

One of the best places I have found to network is on public transportation. That may be harder in some areas but in New York its pretty easy.

I usually say a few kind words or share some quick comment with my seat mate on my Metro North train out of New York. We both have something in common, the train from the city. It's a great way to start a conversation. You will no quickly if they don't want to talk. The iPod goes on or their head is buried in the New York Post.

Just the other day I struck up a conversation with the woman sitting next to me. We discussed the trains, where we were going, etc. They she asked what I did and I asked her. It turns out she is an executive producer of television commercials and I am working on shooting a 10 minute marketing video. She gave me some pointers, suggested some things we could do on the video and then offered to give me the name of some reasonable effects and titles people. She is the producer of those Budweiser Frog commercials and the new Ebay commercials featuring the “IT” thing. Not bad free advice if you ask me! And all because I wasn’t afraid to comment on the new Metro North New Haven line train schedule!

By: Dustin Quillen

Dustin Quillen — Sat, 24 Mar 2007 00:40:23 +0000

I have also found that sometimes networking with certain people can be detrimental. I have become friends with a coworker that likes to kiss up to our boss, and tell everyone that I work with that a project I had completed (in my spare time) that greatly helps our department was his idea, and that I was just the one to make it a reality (basically saying he made me do it) and some of my coworkers actually believe him!