Comments on: Take an inventory of your friends, and act on it

By: Friend Inventory

Friend Inventory — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 11:04:06 +0000

[...] I drop the phrase "friend inventory" into Google, the first result I get is some career-oriented blog which puts forward the following conditions for close [...]

By: Chris Yeh

Chris Yeh — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 06:43:40 +0000

A few simple tips and tricks that seem to work for me:

Religiously email your friends on their birthday. No matter what, you're guaranteed to bring them a smile and get an update on their life.

Any time you meet someone interesting, ask them to lunch. There's nothing like a good 1:1 session to build a real relationship.

Any time you see something that person might like, email them a link. It shows you care, and gives them an opportunity to write back.

Hold on to the friends you have. Relationships do tend to decay over time, and a long-standing friendship is really something special. If you simply make sure that you don't lose your friends, you're already ahead of the game.

By: Rowan Manahan

Rowan Manahan — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 11:40:22 +0000

Thought-provoking as always Penelope. I found that a certain stratum (successful, mid-40s, married with kids) of my clients had the obverse problem. Too many relationships, too little time. My decluttering tool for them was to get them to rank all their relationships objectively; without fear of guilt or judgement. So people were either a Double Positive, Single Positive, Single Negative or a Double Negative.

The trick is to do the ranking AFTER tracking the amount of time you spend on the various people in your life over the course of a month or so. We saw startlingly consistent results – way too much time and headspace being given to emotional vampires and 'friends from way-back-when' with whom you have nothing in common any more.

If too little time is your issue, this exercise (albeit harsh) can be very liberating.

By: Jaerid

Jaerid — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 11:40:01 +0000

I think technology has really allowed people to have meaningful long distance friendships. Using tools such as email, IMing, groups (such as Yahoo groups), social networking sites, and picture sharing services make the distance seem a lot smaller. Most of my closest friends live hundreds of miles away and we all use these means to keep in touch. While we often go years between seeing each other, the relationships are just as strong as they were in college.

The best part of a solid friendship is that even if you go a long time without talking – you tend to just pick right up where you left off last.

By: Rambler

Rambler — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 04:09:17 +0000

I wish it was easier, I did not have to worry so much before making good friends. The best part about friendship according to me, is discovering how much the other person knows and cares about you and how much you care about them. Everytime I find such a moment, that makes my day

By: Prashant

Prashant — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 02:58:32 +0000

With the current job scenario, it's very difficult to have your good friends (those without any professional connection) to be in the same city as you are. What I've done, is to make a list of my friends – Once a month or so, I skim through the list to figure out who I haven't spoken to in a long time.

And yes, as far as your closest friends go, just one liners to keep in touch (e.g. emails or scraps on http://www.orkut.com) suffice. Once I met a very good friend after 2.5 years, and well – we really didn't feel that it was after so long.

Cheers,

Prashant

* * * * * *

I have a list, too. Sometimes I use it, sometimes I don't. But I think it's a good way to make a note to yourself about who, really, you intend to keep in touch with and make a commitment to being a friend to. Friends don't just happen - they require focused energy. So I like that you wrote about your list. Thanks.–Penelope

By: Alexandra Levit

Alexandra Levit — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 01:38:05 +0000

Hi Penelope, people should also note the difference between work friends and real friends, and should make an effort to move promising relationships in the former category into the latter one. Here are a few questions to determine if someone is a real friend, or just a person you hang out with when you happen to be stuck in the same building for 8 hours every day:

•If your friend left the company, would you still be in touch with her in a year?
•If you had a personal emergency, would you consider asking your friend for help?
•Do you hang out with your friend outside the office? (weekday lunch, happy hour and business trips don’t count)
•Have you met your friend’s significant other? What about his friends outside the office?
•If you ran into your friend in the grocery store, would you be able to talk to him for ten minutes without mentioning work?

Kind regards,
Alexandra Levit
* * * * * * * *

Hi, Alexandra. Thanks for this list. Very useful. And people should ask themselves these questions more often — good reality check for us all.

-Penelope

By: Steven

Steven — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 22:05:13 +0000

A topic that I have been pondering for years now, and I have a question.
Are "online friends" really "friends" enough to qualify for the list you are talking about?
Recently I have had at least one online friend come out and tell me I am on their list of "true" and "close" friends.
Are we making a mistake by investing too much in online relationships?

* * * * * *

I sometimes wonder the same thing. Then I tell myself that it's about how much I am able to give of myself to a friendship that's online. And I tell myself that if I'm going to invest time, I have to try hard to give a lot. Not that this is a proven technique. Just one person's attempt…

–Penelope

By: Jacqui

Jacqui — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 20:24:03 +0000

I agree with all of the above – Especially Lea's comment on making friends in the "post-college world", except I would extend it to post-high school. High school is full of ready-made friends. In college, I was so focused on building a career that I missed out on those relationship building opportunities, and now I find myself out of college and surrounded by people who are either much older than I or married with children that absorb all their free time.

It can be tough to find a girlfriend (or best bud, whichever may apply), when every day is from work to home and back again.

* * * * * *

This comment is a little treasure for college students. A reminder that college is about making friends. You have opporunities for friendship in college that do not come up at any other time in your life. Don't forget to put down your books, work fewer hours, and make great friends.

–Penelope

By: Recruiting Animal

Recruiting Animal — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 19:38:51 +0000

Relationship incompetence not gender specific, says, career advisor, Penelope Trunk.

I like it. If I can find a way to relate it to recruiting, I'll put it on my blog.