Comments on: The difficult convergence: Work and family by age 30 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/ Advice at the intersection of work and life Thu, 09 Feb 2012 14:26:03 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: wood pellet http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/comment-page-1/#comment-262665 wood pellet Wed, 12 Oct 2011 09:25:00 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/#comment-262665 Currently, wood pellets in Sweden are confined designed for mass use in electric power plants. Currently, wood pellets in Sweden are confined designed for mass use in electric power plants.

]]> By: indsutrial ice machine http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/comment-page-1/#comment-261025 indsutrial ice machine Mon, 26 Sep 2011 03:54:00 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/#comment-261025 this is one of the best reads I've had n a while, i will be sure to recommend this to a couple of people, great job  this is one of the best reads I've had n a while, i will be sure to recommend this to a couple of people, great job 

]]> By: Rue http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/comment-page-1/#comment-247045 Rue Fri, 01 Apr 2011 03:46:16 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/#comment-247045 Good article. I was married at 25, had my first child at 36, and my second at 40. I worked the whole time, except for the past two years (I am 46). Life is good. We never felt rushed to do anything even though we married young. Maybe that was naive, and we were just lucky. Of course it is worth while to pay attention to your age when contemplating children, but don't over-stress, or over-think it. Just do it and enjoy your life and take what comes. It might not fit in with whatever everyone else is doing, but so what? Good article. I was married at 25, had my first child at 36, and my second at 40. I worked the whole time, except for the past two years (I am 46). Life is good. We never felt rushed to do anything even though we married young. Maybe that was naive, and we were just lucky. Of course it is worth while to pay attention to your age when contemplating children, but don't over-stress, or over-think it. Just do it and enjoy your life and take what comes. It might not fit in with whatever everyone else is doing, but so what?

]]> By: Cranky Geek http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/comment-page-1/#comment-246338 Cranky Geek Sun, 27 Mar 2011 15:14:33 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/#comment-246338 Another great column from Penelope! :) Another great column from Penelope! :)

]]> By: Advice for women turning 30 | Curiosity Matters http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/comment-page-1/#comment-244122 Advice for women turning 30 | Curiosity Matters Wed, 23 Feb 2011 17:25:27 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/#comment-244122 [...] Don’t look to men for turning-30 camaraderie. Turning 30 is different for men and women. Take a look at OKCupid, which is a dating site, yes, but it is also one of the most intoxicating [...] [...] Don’t look to men for turning-30 camaraderie. Turning 30 is different for men and women. Take a look at OKCupid, which is a dating site, yes, but it is also one of the most intoxicating [...]

]]> By: Kyle http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/comment-page-1/#comment-243593 Kyle Fri, 18 Feb 2011 05:39:47 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/#comment-243593 I completely agree. This is a phenomenon that really is coming from WOMEN. I'm 29 & most of my friends are still single, many don't even have girlfriends. They're in NO rush to get married or have kids. It seems that women, especially older women, have this weird obsession with trying to do everything by 30, as if that's some magical number. I can tell you right now, if I had a kid, it'd be ashame for the kid, because I'm just not ready financially or emotionally. It's articles like this that perpetuate this almost stereotype of, MUST GET MARRIED HAVE YOUR CAREER & HAVE A BABY BY 30! It's ridiculously stupid. I completely agree. This is a phenomenon that really is coming from WOMEN. I'm 29 & most of my friends are still single, many don't even have girlfriends. They're in NO rush to get married or have kids.

It seems that women, especially older women, have this weird obsession with trying to do everything by 30, as if that's some magical number. I can tell you right now, if I had a kid, it'd be ashame for the kid, because I'm just not ready financially or emotionally.

It's articles like this that perpetuate this almost stereotype of, MUST GET MARRIED HAVE YOUR CAREER & HAVE A BABY BY 30! It's ridiculously stupid.

]]> By: Jan http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/comment-page-1/#comment-231597 Jan Wed, 08 Sep 2010 19:35:20 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/#comment-231597 Following up on Jenny's post, please don't have children if you and your spouse don't communicate well enough to have simple, honest communication about values and goals. Maturity is far more important than anything else mentioned here, for having children. And don't assume that your spouse will react well to an intentional "surprise" because you think he will. True, some couples will never be ready--and they would be better off not passing on their issues to their children. Following up on Jenny's post, please don't have children if you and your spouse don't communicate well enough to have simple, honest communication about values and goals. Maturity is far more important than anything else mentioned here, for having children. And don't assume that your spouse will react well to an intentional "surprise" because you think he will. True, some couples will never be ready–and they would be better off not passing on their issues to their children.

]]> By: Jenny http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/comment-page-1/#comment-227402 Jenny Wed, 05 May 2010 05:51:51 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/#comment-227402 I have a response to those who are married and are trying to negotiate with their husbands about when to try and are praying for birth control to fail. Ask your husband or ascertain if he generally would love a child if he had one - if you believe that he does, then axe the birth control. Yep, that's right, consider lying to your husband if he is never going to be ready to do anything. My husband told me after the fact that he wished that I had done this. We spent alot of pain and agony dealing with infertility because he was just never going to be "ready". I started trying at 30 and it took me 3 years and a bunch of miscarriages to get #1. I have a response to those who are married and are trying to negotiate with their husbands about when to try and are praying for birth control to fail. Ask your husband or ascertain if he generally would love a child if he had one – if you believe that he does, then axe the birth control. Yep, that's right, consider lying to your husband if he is never going to be ready to do anything. My husband told me after the fact that he wished that I had done this. We spent alot of pain and agony dealing with infertility because he was just never going to be "ready". I started trying at 30 and it took me 3 years and a bunch of miscarriages to get #1.

]]> By: rJs http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/comment-page-1/#comment-184409 rJs Tue, 21 Apr 2009 22:07:34 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/#comment-184409 Holy crap! I just realized this was written 3 years ago. I had just turned 31 then! I wonder what my 31-year-old-self would have said. Holy crap! I just realized this was written 3 years ago. I had just turned 31 then! I wonder what my 31-year-old-self would have said.

]]> By: rJs http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/comment-page-1/#comment-184407 rJs Tue, 21 Apr 2009 21:55:07 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/12/28/the-difficult-convergence-work-and-family-by-age-30/#comment-184407 "A lot of women cross the 30 threshold and suddenly are on the hamster wheel - frantically making sure everyone else is on the same track and they aren't 'falling behind,' in some category." And many men cross the 30 threshold feeling the same way. I'm trying not to fall into that trap. I'm 34, and have had great experiences since graduating college (I moved to New York City, got a good publishing job, lived in a Zen Temple for a year (in Brooklyn), quit my job at 29 to live in Berlin for 1/2 a year, traveled, made some excellent people, and now have a great girlfriend. Now, having said (and done) all that, I still feel inadequate. And it seems that our country is hyper-obsessed with age, which I internalize too much for my own good. I've got so many more miles ahead, so many more dreams. But I understand the 30 year mark because I obsessed over it myself. I set steps for myself, which for the most part I've made. But it is all too linear. Please, don't rush. Stories come from unique circumstances. Be your own story, not a polished package. Even in Japanese art, with all its intricacies, the artist skews the painting ever so slightly so its more interesting. We're all born complete human beings. Learn to let go once and awhile and it might not be so painful. "A lot of women cross the 30 threshold and suddenly are on the hamster wheel – frantically making sure everyone else is on the same track and they aren't 'falling behind,' in some category."

And many men cross the 30 threshold feeling the same way. I'm trying not to fall into that trap. I'm 34, and have had great experiences since graduating college (I moved to New York City, got a good publishing job, lived in a Zen Temple for a year (in Brooklyn), quit my job at 29 to live in Berlin for 1/2 a year, traveled, made some excellent people, and now have a great girlfriend.
Now, having said (and done) all that, I still feel inadequate. And it seems that our country is hyper-obsessed with age, which I internalize too much for my own good. I've got so many more miles ahead, so many more dreams.
But I understand the 30 year mark because I obsessed over it myself. I set steps for myself, which for the most part I've made.
But it is all too linear. Please, don't rush. Stories come from unique circumstances. Be your own story, not a polished package. Even in Japanese art, with all its intricacies, the artist skews the painting ever so slightly so its more interesting.
We're all born complete human beings. Learn to let go once and awhile and it might not be so painful.

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