Comments on: Instead of feeling lost, look at life differently http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/ Advice at the intersection of work and life Thu, 09 Feb 2012 14:26:03 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: kande A. http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/comment-page-1/#comment-269599 kande A. Wed, 18 Jan 2012 06:34:49 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/#comment-269599 hi....Im only 21 and have an 2yr old son..ive been single for 2yrs. Its been hard being a single mother. Never been to college for anything.Im afraid i will be like this for a long time. I mean I what so much but I dont know where to start.Now I have an boyfriend i still feel the same.People say im to young to feel this way. I need advice on so much. HELP hi….Im only 21 and have an 2yr old son..ive been single for 2yrs. Its been hard being a single mother. Never been to college for anything.Im afraid i will be like this for a long time. I mean I what so much but I dont know where to start.Now I have an boyfriend i still feel the same.People say im to young to feel this way. I need advice on so much. HELP

]]> By: Meg http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/comment-page-1/#comment-265054 Meg Fri, 02 Dec 2011 23:34:11 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/#comment-265054 Wow. I am not alone! Too bad we can't all hang out. To the 25 year old above, you are young! You have that. Wow. I am not alone! Too bad we can't all hang out. To the 25 year old above, you are young! You have that.

]]> By: Falsehopes http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/comment-page-1/#comment-264816 Falsehopes Sat, 26 Nov 2011 13:31:00 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/#comment-264816 Since not many people will read this im commenting on the response by the readers.  I'm 25 completely lost and have no real ambition for life.  Most of the people here are college educated and really have no reason to complain, but as a group you will tell the world of your sorrows expecting the rest of us to feel oh so sorry.  For the love of God please stop whining about the so called hardships that you all think you have.  When your having a true hardship, you will know it. Since not many people will read this im commenting on the response by the readers.  I'm 25 completely lost and have no real ambition for life.  Most of the people here are college educated and really have no reason to complain, but as a group you will tell the world of your sorrows expecting the rest of us to feel oh so sorry.  For the love of God please stop whining about the so called hardships that you all think you have.  When your having a true hardship, you will know it.

]]> By: Melissakayliewilliams http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/comment-page-1/#comment-260194 Melissakayliewilliams Wed, 14 Sep 2011 23:04:00 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/#comment-260194 ive been where you are. for me leaving school was really hard because there were just so many options, and i didnt think i was smart enough for any of them! what you need to know is that no decision that you make is wrong. doing nothing is wrong! if you can find a career out of anything that you love doing, DO IT. and see where it leads. life isnt made up of one big decision its made up of lots of little decisions. also, with your parents, they seem a little depressed and probably struggling in their own ways, and its obviously affecting you.  its very hard to be happy amongst a group of unhappy people, you could try distancing yourself from them so you can get yourself right, then once you are feeling a little more on track then come back to help them..by doing slow things. like cooking for them or cleaning the house or just doing small things to help them out and bring up there mood a bit. But you need to take some time and focus on yourself! Once you are feeling a bit better and more of a complete person, people will see you happier and people will react differently to you. its hard to explain but you need to focus on making just smalll decisions that you feel are right.  No decision you make is wrong! Even if it turns out a nightmare its a good thing! because life is about learning and youll know to do something next time.  goodluck and dont lose faith in yourself, start by doing the things you love, and if your good at something pursue it. see where you end up ive been where you are. for me leaving school was really hard because there were just so many options, and i didnt think i was smart enough for any of them!
what you need to know is that no decision that you make is wrong. doing nothing is wrong! if you can find a career out of anything that you love doing, DO IT. and see where it leads. life isnt made up of one big decision its made up of lots of little decisions.

also, with your parents, they seem a little depressed and probably struggling in their own ways, and its obviously affecting you. 
its very hard to be happy amongst a group of unhappy people, you could try distancing yourself from them so you can get yourself right, then once you are feeling a little more on track then come back to help them..by doing slow things. like cooking for them or cleaning the house or just doing small things to help them out and bring up there mood a bit.

But you need to take some time and focus on yourself! Once you are feeling a bit better and more of a complete person, people will see you happier and people will react differently to you. its hard to explain but you need to focus on making just smalll decisions that you feel are right. 

No decision you make is wrong! Even if it turns out a nightmare its a good thing! because life is about learning and youll know to do something next time. 

goodluck and dont lose faith in yourself, start by doing the things you love, and if your good at something pursue it. see where you end up

]]> By: Annie http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/comment-page-1/#comment-257523 Annie Mon, 08 Aug 2011 16:29:39 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/#comment-257523 I posted 3 years ago about being lost and confused...and what I can now say that it has worked it's way to being content with myself. I have since found a closeness to God like I have never had..having faith in what I don't see and allowing HIM to come into my life and take over has been the biggest accomplishment I have ever made. I would suggest you let yourself be still and feel HIS presence in your life, you will be very suprised what happens..in HIS time of course :) I posted 3 years ago about being lost and confused…and what I can now say that it has worked it's way to being content with myself. I have since found a closeness to God like I have never had..having faith in what I don't see and allowing HIM to come into my life and take over has been the biggest accomplishment I have ever made. I would suggest you let yourself be still and feel HIS presence in your life, you will be very suprised what happens..in HIS time of course :)

]]> By: Eli http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/comment-page-1/#comment-257363 Eli Sat, 06 Aug 2011 18:49:59 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/#comment-257363 it seems like i have so many problems i dont even know where to start. im 22, and i just cant find my purpose in life. i like to do a lot of things. i have a lot of hobbies and i'd like to turn them all into careers but dont know which direction to go. i have 2 parents who really dont care about what i do, one watches tv all day and the other is on the computer all day. sometimes i get excited and ready to do something with a challenge and i'll tell my dad and he looks at me with this face(-___-) its crazy how he sees me trying to better my life and look for something and he doesnt care at all, just watching youtube videos literally ALL DAY LONG, like seriously, 9am to like 12 midnight. all they can seem to tell me is what i cant do or 'how only a few exceptional people make it' or 'people with abc personality types are driven to do' whatever and i know thats bullshit. i know i have to get away from them and they are poison, but whats next? where will i go from there? i cant just run away, with no money, no job, no real friends, or knowledge of the world. Also i seem to have a problem getting along with people. i really dont have any real friends, like who i have to see and talk to everyday. i feel like if i die i will be forgotten within a few days. im just laying it all out here. im not trying to get sympathy or pity these are just the things that constantly go through my mind. if anything i feel like im more at war with myself, because long after any argument or disagreement im still going over it in my head. in my mind, nobody cares, which in reality is probably not true, but its the way im seeing things right now, and i dont know how to change that perspective . it seems like i have so many problems i dont even know where to start. im 22, and i just cant find my purpose in life. i like to do a lot of things. i have a lot of hobbies and i'd like to turn them all into careers but dont know which direction to go.
i have 2 parents who really dont care about what i do, one watches tv all day and the other is on the computer all day. sometimes i get excited and ready to do something with a challenge and i'll tell my dad and he looks at me with this face(-___-)
its crazy how he sees me trying to better my life and look for something and he doesnt care at all, just watching youtube videos literally ALL DAY LONG, like seriously, 9am to like 12 midnight. all they can seem to tell me is what i cant do or 'how only a few exceptional people make it' or 'people with abc personality types are driven to do' whatever and i know thats bullshit. i know i have to get away from them and they are poison, but whats next? where will i go from there? i cant just run away, with no money, no job, no real friends, or knowledge of the world.
Also i seem to have a problem getting along with people. i really dont have any real friends, like who i have to see and talk to everyday. i feel like if i die i will be forgotten within a few days. im just laying it all out here. im not trying to get sympathy or pity these are just the things that constantly go through my mind. if anything i feel like im more at war with myself, because long after any argument or disagreement im still going over it in my head. in my mind, nobody cares, which in reality is probably not true, but its the way im seeing things right now, and i dont know how to change that perspective
.

]]> By: Greg http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/comment-page-1/#comment-251699 Greg Fri, 20 May 2011 21:59:36 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/#comment-251699 I have to admit, many of my friends figured things out relatively quickly, others did not. I'm part of the latter group. I left high school with ambitions of entering medical school only to get tossed around a bit in college without any real guidance, which is probably a reflection of both the current educational system and my waning interest in dealing with another 4 years of school and then sick people the rest of my life. I spent some time in Japan and tried to start a commercial photography business when I returned. I'm currently pretty frustrated with many of the decisions I made when entering college (particularly even going... oddly enough my sentiments have been echoed my the majority of my peers, most of which whom are returning for second degrees). I think the biggest obstacle that we are dealing with in the world right now is that all of the rules are changing. People are changing jobs at a lightning pace. Skill sets are becoming more and more diverse and specialized. Much like components in a computer, individuals are becoming marginalized and plugged into the appropriate place by companies. Combined with the glut of labor available, employers are finding even more diverse ways to cut corners and reduce expenditures and the quality of life for their employees. I think the tools to finding success in a career and in life is not to depend on the stereotypical notions of success. College degrees are becoming less impressive (unless you want to teach or do research), and more emphasis is being put on accomplishments and what you can actually produce. The key to your success is simply combining your interests and passions to produce something that other people want. You could be the world's greatest kitten photographer, however, I feel that being the world's best marketing manager will probably pay the bills better. Set yourself apart from your competition. Ironically, in college microeconomics I learned about demand for labor. I never thought about labor as being a product, however I cannot distinguish the two anymore. Whatever you do to make money, whether it be selling iPhones to making scarves, you are selling your services or products that you create to someone else: another individual, a company, or the government. The higher quality service or product you provide and the larger the group of people buying/benefiting from your work typically the higher you will be paid. I am a firm believer in hard work, but the adage "work smart, not hard" also applies here. If you work smart to provide a service or product to others that they really desire you will be successful. Degrees and education can help obtain a job (however it is my feeling that unless a degree is REQUIRED for a position, say an engineering/MD/JD degree, then it is a waste of time), but if you can't produce you'll either get stuck in the same position, or worse lose it as quickly as you earned it. My final suggestion to those of you who are still searching (much as myself) for something worthwhile pursuing. Look into your heart (I know, it's so sappy!) and find your fortes and passions. Develop skills in a field that you know cannot be outsourced or that allow you to be replaced by a newly minted Lego just out of college. And finally, treat your company (unless you own it) the same way they treat you. If they help you grow, help them grow. If they treat you like dirt, bounce and find someone new that deserves your hard work. I have to admit, many of my friends figured things out relatively quickly, others did not. I'm part of the latter group. I left high school with ambitions of entering medical school only to get tossed around a bit in college without any real guidance, which is probably a reflection of both the current educational system and my waning interest in dealing with another 4 years of school and then sick people the rest of my life. I spent some time in Japan and tried to start a commercial photography business when I returned. I'm currently pretty frustrated with many of the decisions I made when entering college (particularly even going… oddly enough my sentiments have been echoed my the majority of my peers, most of which whom are returning for second degrees). I think the biggest obstacle that we are dealing with in the world right now is that all of the rules are changing. People are changing jobs at a lightning pace. Skill sets are becoming more and more diverse and specialized. Much like components in a computer, individuals are becoming marginalized and plugged into the appropriate place by companies. Combined with the glut of labor available, employers are finding even more diverse ways to cut corners and reduce expenditures and the quality of life for their employees.

I think the tools to finding success in a career and in life is not to depend on the stereotypical notions of success. College degrees are becoming less impressive (unless you want to teach or do research), and more emphasis is being put on accomplishments and what you can actually produce. The key to your success is simply combining your interests and passions to produce something that other people want. You could be the world's greatest kitten photographer, however, I feel that being the world's best marketing manager will probably pay the bills better. Set yourself apart from your competition. Ironically, in college microeconomics I learned about demand for labor. I never thought about labor as being a product, however I cannot distinguish the two anymore. Whatever you do to make money, whether it be selling iPhones to making scarves, you are selling your services or products that you create to someone else: another individual, a company, or the government. The higher quality service or product you provide and the larger the group of people buying/benefiting from your work typically the higher you will be paid. I am a firm believer in hard work, but the adage "work smart, not hard" also applies here. If you work smart to provide a service or product to others that they really desire you will be successful. Degrees and education can help obtain a job (however it is my feeling that unless a degree is REQUIRED for a position, say an engineering/MD/JD degree, then it is a waste of time), but if you can't produce you'll either get stuck in the same position, or worse lose it as quickly as you earned it.

My final suggestion to those of you who are still searching (much as myself) for something worthwhile pursuing. Look into your heart (I know, it's so sappy!) and find your fortes and passions. Develop skills in a field that you know cannot be outsourced or that allow you to be replaced by a newly minted Lego just out of college. And finally, treat your company (unless you own it) the same way they treat you. If they help you grow, help them grow. If they treat you like dirt, bounce and find someone new that deserves your hard work.

]]> By: dogged pursuits http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/comment-page-1/#comment-231565 dogged pursuits Wed, 08 Sep 2010 01:07:31 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/#comment-231565 I so often feel that I am the only one, or one of very few that are so lost in the world. I have always struggled with poor self-esteem, social anxiety, fear of failure, and paralysis in making decisions and taking actions. I managed to get a masters degree in social work from a top school, but my passion has always been in art/design/textiles. I spread myself too thin in different creative media, never mastering anything. Social work was never a strong interest. And now, I've lost motivation for creative work. I've been on disability for 7 years, which has made me very socially isolated and poor. I've never been married, which pains me at age 54, although I've had some relationships with incompatible men here and there. I haven't even dated in at least 10 years because I feel lousy about myself and my life, though I'm still in shape, just looking older. And there were many times in the past when people told me that I was very talented, smart, funny, appealing, etc. That feels like ancient history. I feel deeply for all of us that are struggling for meaning and love in our lives. It's good to know that I'm not the only one, though I wouldn't wish pain on anyone. May we all be happy eventually. I so often feel that I am the only one, or one of very few that are so lost in the world. I have always struggled with poor self-esteem, social anxiety, fear of failure, and paralysis in making decisions and taking actions. I managed to get a masters degree in social work from a top school, but my passion has always been in art/design/textiles. I spread myself too thin in different creative media, never mastering anything. Social work was never a strong interest. And now, I've lost motivation for creative work. I've been on disability for 7 years, which has made me very socially isolated and poor. I've never been married, which pains me at age 54, although I've had some relationships with incompatible men here and there. I haven't even dated in at least 10 years because I feel lousy about myself and my life, though I'm still in shape, just looking older. And there were many times in the past when people told me that I was very talented, smart, funny, appealing, etc. That feels like ancient history. I feel deeply for all of us that are struggling for meaning and love in our lives. It's good to know that I'm not the only one, though I wouldn't wish pain on anyone. May we all be happy eventually.

]]> By: Svetlana Atenzon http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/comment-page-1/#comment-230705 Svetlana Atenzon Tue, 10 Aug 2010 00:20:32 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/#comment-230705 I am graduating with a Masters in Speech-Language Pathology after going through an intense program of three years. I never felt passionate about the field. I always thought that I'll find a place in it. I went into the field when I was with my ex. We decided that this was a good field for me. Previously I was majoring in Art History in my undergrad. We were living together and were planning to marry and have children after I finnished. A year into the program we broke up. I took a semester off to think about things. The entire year was constantly filled with social anxiety and I just couldnt continue that way. I asked him if he would support me if I decided to leave school and try to figure things out. He didnt sound so supportive and noone from his side was either. Noone seemed to care that I wasnt well and happy. They just expected me to be happy. Anyway, we broke up and I decided to go back and give it a try on my own. I stayed in that appartment and I was entirely on my own for a little over a year. I had a pretty rough relationship with my family who also never supported me when I decided to go for speach. So pretty much I had no support. Things were OK at first. First semester back, a month before ending I was thinking of dropping out and people (including my therapist) stopped me. I had this impulse to leave things that made me uncomfortable. I had it the following semester and a friend stopped me and then all semesters that followed. I got into a confrontation with a supervisor and behaived pretty poorly and left that practicum. The following semester I paniced big time because I screwed up with a client. I called my mom at 3:30 in the morning and two weeks later I moved back with my parents. Finnished up that semester. When my last semester started, which is the one I am in currently I had a panic attack in the middle of the night and went to the emergency room. I met with people at my department who already knew of my previous troubles and they advised me to seek treatment and come back next semester to finnish. I was so exhausted that I went for it and two weeks later I freaked and begged to return to finnish. And I did. I have just this week left and a job waiting for me to start in september with nice pay. For the past 4-5 months I needed to continuosly cry my eyes out so that I could go through the day at my practicums. Life has been just too rough. I feel like I never had a break. A rough childhood filled with too much physical abuse from parents, many put downs and much rejection and neglect. I moved in with my ex to get away from my parents. And I will need to do that soon again. Just I will be taking care of myself this time. I am scared of screwing up and having another blow up with work .I need this job. I dont want it because I am not passionate about it and feel like I cant find I place for myself in it and because my regret of my actions is just so great. I feel ashamed of how I acted. Oh I forgot to mention that I actually tried running away after I went back to the practicums this semester. I just lost my nerve. I feel extremely lost and empty. I am constantly thinking about what I want in my future career and how would I go about accomplishing it. The thoughts get overwhelming and I just need to cry. I've met a great guy that is very supportive but things are so complicated with us as well. I am 25 and I feel that I've just been through way too much. I feel like a total screw up and failure. I failed myself and my parents we just ready to say "see we told you you shouldn't have gone into this field". They wanted me to have a simple job and I always wanted a high degree and a career. I dont have the degree and career that I always dreamed of. I am graduating with a Masters in Speech-Language Pathology after going through an intense program of three years. I never felt passionate about the field. I always thought that I'll find a place in it. I went into the field when I was with my ex. We decided that this was a good field for me. Previously I was majoring in Art History in my undergrad. We were living together and were planning to marry and have children after I finnished. A year into the program we broke up. I took a semester off to think about things. The entire year was constantly filled with social anxiety and I just couldnt continue that way. I asked him if he would support me if I decided to leave school and try to figure things out. He didnt sound so supportive and noone from his side was either. Noone seemed to care that I wasnt well and happy. They just expected me to be happy. Anyway, we broke up and I decided to go back and give it a try on my own. I stayed in that appartment and I was entirely on my own for a little over a year. I had a pretty rough relationship with my family who also never supported me when I decided to go for speach. So pretty much I had no support. Things were OK at first. First semester back, a month before ending I was thinking of dropping out and people (including my therapist) stopped me. I had this impulse to leave things that made me uncomfortable. I had it the following semester and a friend stopped me and then all semesters that followed. I got into a confrontation with a supervisor and behaived pretty poorly and left that practicum. The following semester I paniced big time because I screwed up with a client. I called my mom at 3:30 in the morning and two weeks later I moved back with my parents. Finnished up that semester. When my last semester started, which is the one I am in currently I had a panic attack in the middle of the night and went to the emergency room. I met with people at my department who already knew of my previous troubles and they advised me to seek treatment and come back next semester to finnish. I was so exhausted that I went for it and two weeks later I freaked and begged to return to finnish. And I did. I have just this week left and a job waiting for me to start in september with nice pay. For the past 4-5 months I needed to continuosly cry my eyes out so that I could go through the day at my practicums. Life has been just too rough. I feel like I never had a break. A rough childhood filled with too much physical abuse from parents, many put downs and much rejection and neglect. I moved in with my ex to get away from my parents. And I will need to do that soon again. Just I will be taking care of myself this time. I am scared of screwing up and having another blow up with work .I need this job. I dont want it because I am not passionate about it and feel like I cant find I place for myself in it and because my regret of my actions is just so great. I feel ashamed of how I acted. Oh I forgot to mention that I actually tried running away after I went back to the practicums this semester. I just lost my nerve. I feel extremely lost and empty. I am constantly thinking about what I want in my future career and how would I go about accomplishing it. The thoughts get overwhelming and I just need to cry. I've met a great guy that is very supportive but things are so complicated with us as well. I am 25 and I feel that I've just been through way too much. I feel like a total screw up and failure. I failed myself and my parents we just ready to say "see we told you you shouldn't have gone into this field". They wanted me to have a simple job and I always wanted a high degree and a career. I dont have the degree and career that I always dreamed of.

]]> By: Bela http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/comment-page-1/#comment-229783 Bela Mon, 19 Jul 2010 08:35:33 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2006/10/06/instead-of-feeling-lost-look-at-life-differently/#comment-229783 Thank you. It's good to know I'm not alone. I feel so lost, although I have almost finished my 5 year degree in chemistry but I don't even know that that's what I want to do so what a big fricking waste of time it could turn out to be! I have no idea what to do and I feel like I should. Even though I may never know, it's good to know that other people feel the same. Thank you. It's good to know I'm not alone.

I feel so lost, although I have almost finished my 5 year degree in chemistry but I don't even know that that's what I want to do so what a big fricking waste of time it could turn out to be! I have no idea what to do and I feel like I should. Even though I may never know, it's good to know that other people feel the same.

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