Comments on: Your family would be better off with a housewife (so would mine) http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/ Advice at the intersection of work and life Sun, 08 Nov 2009 04:20:06 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc hourly 1 By: Kim, Rambling Family Manager http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/comment-page-2/#comment-209363 Kim, Rambling Family Manager Sat, 10 Oct 2009 14:35:53 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/#comment-209363 Interesting article! I'm a housewife, although I prefer the term family manager, and happy with that choice. I could work if I wanted to but I don't; my husband is fine either way, and supportive of whatever I choose. I guess the key for men, or women who want a househusband, (or a house-spouse of either gender) is to find a partner with a career they are unhappy with, as I was, then they'll LOVE staying home, as I do. ;) (Or someone with a career they can do from home might work.) I meet my needs for intellectual stimulation and getting out there through volunteering and blogging. Interesting article! I'm a housewife, although I prefer the term family manager, and happy with that choice. I could work if I wanted to but I don't; my husband is fine either way, and supportive of whatever I choose. I guess the key for men, or women who want a househusband, (or a house-spouse of either gender) is to find a partner with a career they are unhappy with, as I was, then they'll LOVE staying home, as I do. ;) (Or someone with a career they can do from home might work.) I meet my needs for intellectual stimulation and getting out there through volunteering and blogging.

]]> By: Bill http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/comment-page-2/#comment-206981 Bill Mon, 05 Oct 2009 18:42:43 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/#comment-206981 my mother stayed at home, and increasingly became mentally ill. I was relieved when she didnt come to my school functions. Life was torture in my home. I wished like hell for divorce or for her to get a job. You were the lucky one. I would have loved to have been you. my mother stayed at home, and increasingly became mentally ill. I was relieved when she didnt come to my school functions. Life was torture in my home. I wished like hell for divorce or for her to get a job.

You were the lucky one. I would have loved to have been you.

]]> By: MS http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/comment-page-2/#comment-206945 MS Mon, 05 Oct 2009 16:08:43 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/#comment-206945 I apologize if my post sounded like I only thought a mother at home was the best option - that is of course not my view. I was simply trying not to say "father or mother" every time. Of course I believe both are perfect options to stay at home! Also, please keep in mind that I stated it is only my personal experience that most (this does not mean all) families who support parents at work never had one. I only know a few who this worked well for. In your case your parents obviously did a fantastic job in balancing family with work. It's an extremely difficult thing to do and a rare thing to accomplish. It's just not a risk I'm personally willing to take. I apologize if my post sounded like I only thought a mother at home was the best option – that is of course not my view. I was simply trying not to say "father or mother" every time. Of course I believe both are perfect options to stay at home! Also, please keep in mind that I stated it is only my personal experience that most (this does not mean all) families who support parents at work never had one. I only know a few who this worked well for. In your case your parents obviously did a fantastic job in balancing family with work. It's an extremely difficult thing to do and a rare thing to accomplish. It's just not a risk I'm personally willing to take.

]]> By: jj http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/comment-page-2/#comment-206938 jj Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:48:06 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/#comment-206938 Re: I wanted to respone to the commenter who said a dual-income RUINED her childhood. First of all, she starts off by saying that both parents neglected her yet she obviously assumes the stay at home parent would be the mother, not the father. That is very unfair and wrong to the mother. Secondly, please don't think that your experience is reason enough to stay home. My parents both worked and my sisters and I are very close to my working mom. She is truly the best and better than many SAHM I know. Finally, I know kids whose dads work their butt off so the mom can stay home. Yes , they got to know their mom but usually have rocky distant relationships from their fathers. That is a trade-off, too. Re: I wanted to respone to the commenter who said a dual-income RUINED her childhood. First of all, she starts off by saying that both parents neglected her yet she obviously assumes the stay at home parent would be the mother, not the father. That is very unfair and wrong to the mother.

Secondly, please don't think that your experience is reason enough to stay home. My parents both worked and my sisters and I are very close to my working mom. She is truly the best and better than many SAHM I know.

Finally, I know kids whose dads work their butt off so the mom can stay home. Yes , they got to know their mom but usually have rocky distant relationships from their fathers. That is a trade-off, too.

]]> By: jessica http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/comment-page-2/#comment-206899 jessica Mon, 05 Oct 2009 13:15:44 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/#comment-206899 The one thing that I have to disagree with in your article is when you say that men should not marry women who have careers. I was very career oriented at one time. I wanted a career more than I wanted marriage, more than a family. But I changed... after having my daughter, a year later decided that I needed to be a dedicated mother and wife and made the decision to leave a career and stay at home. I am in agreement that you cant do both 100%, one is always lacking. Doesn't matter what you do to try and fix it, one will always be lacking. The one thing that I have to disagree with in your article is when you say that men should not marry women who have careers. I was very career oriented at one time. I wanted a career more than I wanted marriage, more than a family. But I changed… after having my daughter, a year later decided that I needed to be a dedicated mother and wife and made the decision to leave a career and stay at home. I am in agreement that you cant do both 100%, one is always lacking. Doesn't matter what you do to try and fix it, one will always be lacking.

]]> By: jessica http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/comment-page-2/#comment-206898 jessica Mon, 05 Oct 2009 13:13:47 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/#comment-206898 The one thing that I have to disagree with in your article is when you say that men should name marry when who have careers. I was very career oriented at one time. I wanted a career more than I wanted marriage, more than a family. Then after having my daughter, a year later decided that I needed to be a dedicated mother and wife and made the decision to leave a career and stay at home. I am in agreement that you cant do both 100%, one is always lacking. Doesn't matter what you do to try and fix it, one will always be lacking. The one thing that I have to disagree with in your article is when you say that men should name marry when who have careers. I was very career oriented at one time. I wanted a career more than I wanted marriage, more than a family. Then after having my daughter, a year later decided that I needed to be a dedicated mother and wife and made the decision to leave a career and stay at home. I am in agreement that you cant do both 100%, one is always lacking. Doesn't matter what you do to try and fix it, one will always be lacking.

]]> By: MS http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/comment-page-2/#comment-206878 MS Mon, 05 Oct 2009 12:19:00 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/#comment-206878 I feel very strongly about this subject - because I am the product of a dual income household with a career mom, and it RUINED my childhood. I got to grow up in daycare centers watching my friends being picked up from school by a parent, and later got to feel the loneliness of seeing everyone else's parents attending their school functions while I arrived and left alone. Nobody ever cheered on the sidelines for me. They were at work. Do you know how hard that is for a kid?! I would sit and wait for my mother to come home, only for her to be exhausted from a long day at work and want to go straight to bed. True, the income was nice. I was never lack for any material good. But, I never got to know what it felt like to be someone's daughter. I still don't know. Now that I'm grown I have such a disconnect with my parents. I don't know them and they don't know me. I don't seek their advice or comfort, and they wonder why I never take the time to see or call them. I find it difficult to even accept hugs, because I didn't grow up receiving them. People don't realize how crucial the younger years are in our lives at forming important social patterns and life skills. A nurturing home and parents are absolutely central to that. Parents who come home tired, and talk to each other about work at the dinner table aren't giving their children the much needed attention they need, regardless of how unaware they may be of it. In the end, EVERYONE loses. Money doesn't make a happy home, people. I would have rather worked through college and have had student loans to repay than to have had it paid for with the lack of a mother growing up. That's a debt that can never be repaid. I think Penelope deserves kudos for this article. In my experience, most of those who have argued pro-career moms are those who never grew up in a household with one. Thank you Penelope. I feel very strongly about this subject – because I am the product of a dual income household with a career mom, and it RUINED my childhood. I got to grow up in daycare centers watching my friends being picked up from school by a parent, and later got to feel the loneliness of seeing everyone else's parents attending their school functions while I arrived and left alone. Nobody ever cheered on the sidelines for me. They were at work. Do you know how hard that is for a kid?! I would sit and wait for my mother to come home, only for her to be exhausted from a long day at work and want to go straight to bed. True, the income was nice. I was never lack for any material good. But, I never got to know what it felt like to be someone's daughter. I still don't know. Now that I'm grown I have such a disconnect with my parents. I don't know them and they don't know me. I don't seek their advice or comfort, and they wonder why I never take the time to see or call them. I find it difficult to even accept hugs, because I didn't grow up receiving them. People don't realize how crucial the younger years are in our lives at forming important social patterns and life skills. A nurturing home and parents are absolutely central to that. Parents who come home tired, and talk to each other about work at the dinner table aren't giving their children the much needed attention they need, regardless of how unaware they may be of it. In the end, EVERYONE loses. Money doesn't make a happy home, people. I would have rather worked through college and have had student loans to repay than to have had it paid for with the lack of a mother growing up. That's a debt that can never be repaid. I think Penelope deserves kudos for this article. In my experience, most of those who have argued pro-career moms are those who never grew up in a household with one. Thank you Penelope.

]]> By: KT http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/comment-page-2/#comment-204737 KT Tue, 29 Sep 2009 19:23:49 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/#comment-204737 Why housewife? Why not househusband? Way to entrench us even deeper into patriarchy. Why housewife? Why not househusband? Way to entrench us even deeper into patriarchy.

]]> By: JenJen http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/comment-page-2/#comment-188826 JenJen Sat, 11 Jul 2009 05:37:10 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/#comment-188826 Excellent post!! Excellent post!!

]]> By: casey http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/comment-page-2/#comment-188548 casey Mon, 06 Jul 2009 03:48:19 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/08/27/your-family-would-be-better-off-with-a-housewife-so-would-mine/#comment-188548 oh penelope.... you have not researched the data well. i'm guessing you don't have much of a math background. i'm guessing you're english or communications, history perhaps... holes in your logic and take it from the female chemical engineer.... 1st.... Forbes' definition of a career woman is extraordinarily broad, including any woman who has a college education, works 35 hours a week, and makes more than $30,000. So, if you define non-career women as all the "undereducated" who work part-time and make less than $30K, it becomes painfully obvious why female careerists are more likely to divorce than non-careerists: They can better afford to get out of an unhappy marriage than their sisters. 2nd.... according to the AARP # 1 reason women won't leave marriage: finances. 3rd.... according to a british study (UK google it, BBC i think) Premarriage housework: women: 10 men: 8 Post marriage: women : 15 men: 5 maybe we'd have it easier if got off his lazy ass. also, 4th... by steven levitt>.... factors that contribute to a child's success: mom is over 30 mom is educated smart parents have smart kids. end of story. TS it's genetics. the rest is monkey see monkey due. dumb mom = dumb kids (unless dad is unusually bright to compensate) 5th.... why when a man ignores his family and work 70 hrs a weak he's a hero but a women a bitch? we deny men their right to be fathers. mom's are hogging the child's spotlight just so they can be validated. what about him? Does it really matter who is around ? father or mother? isn't the love more important than your validation? lack of a father in one's life: http://www.ncfr.org/pdf/press_releases/parent_1.pdf a mother's increased access in her children's life did not compensate for the father's lacking. here are stats on absent fathers and less involved fathers. http://www.dadsworld.com/parenting-statistics/importance-of-fathers.html men should be involved too. stop being so greedy. besides, if i was at home....the world would be stuck listening to a basketweaving major like you all day.... oh penelope….

you have not researched the data well.

i'm guessing you don't have much of a math background. i'm guessing you're english or communications, history perhaps…

holes in your logic and take it from the female chemical engineer….

1st….
Forbes' definition of a career woman is extraordinarily broad, including any woman who has a college education, works 35 hours a week, and makes more than $30,000. So, if you define non-career women as all the "undereducated" who work part-time and make less than $30K, it becomes painfully obvious why female careerists are more likely to divorce than non-careerists:

They can better afford to get out of an unhappy marriage than their sisters.

2nd….

according to the AARP # 1 reason women won't leave marriage: finances.

3rd….

according to a british study (UK google it, BBC i think)

Premarriage housework:
women: 10
men: 8

Post marriage:
women : 15
men: 5

maybe we'd have it easier if got off his lazy ass.

also,
4th…

by steven levitt>….

factors that contribute to a child's success:

mom is over 30
mom is educated

smart parents have smart kids. end of story. TS it's genetics.
the rest is monkey see monkey due.
dumb mom = dumb kids (unless dad is unusually bright to compensate)

5th….

why when a man ignores his family and work 70 hrs a weak he's a hero but a women a bitch?

we deny men their right to be fathers. mom's are hogging the child's spotlight just so they can be validated. what about him?

Does it really matter who is around ? father or mother?

isn't the love more important than your validation?
lack of a father in one's life:

http://www.ncfr.org/pdf/press_releases/parent_1.pdf

a mother's increased access in her children's life did not compensate for the father's lacking.

here are stats on absent fathers and less involved fathers.
http://www.dadsworld.com/parenting-statistics/importance-of-fathers.html

men should be involved too. stop being so greedy.

besides, if i was at home….the world would be stuck listening to a basketweaving major like you all day….

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