As a person with horrendous people skills, I appreciate the advice. My personality is lethal combination of shyness, arrogance, and self-centerness. I've never had more than a few friends because I'm not interested in anyone other than myself and I feel that others judge me as much as I judge them. I never smile or initiate conversation and would much rather avoid people altogether. I've been this way as long as I can remember so I assume that I had some traumatizing experiences when I was younger.

My family moved 4 times before I turned 13, with the final move being from Switzerland to Philadelphia. It took me roughly 4 years to get over culture shock, but by that time I was 17 and didn't have enough social experience to fit in at college.

I'm now 29 and still haven't been able to fit in anywhere. Social situations are still painful for me because I don't know how to interact with others. I resent my parents because it's clear I had social disorders when I was 5 years old yet they never attempted to get me help. I've been working in finance for 5 years and it's clear I will never advance unless I get long overdue therapy. I'm finally taking steps to cure my disorders but have now realized it's way too late to change my life in any meaningful way.

The shy person is unable to take focus off herself: always feeling insecure, wondering how others perceive her, worried about not knowing what to say…me, me, me.

To combat this, the shy person should turn her focus to others. Her thoughts should be: What can I do to make my coworker feel better? What is interesting about my coworker that I should get know? How can I go out of my way to show my coworker I respect her?

The shy person needs to recognize she isn't the only one that feels insecure…we all do at times. And we all need stroking. She needs to think of others and reach out to them.

I read that book for my daughter almost 30 years ago. Today she is outgoing, successful, and very much not shy.

Many like me lack social skills because of how or where we grew up. There are things done to children that affect them for their whole lives, effects that cannot be changed or avoided by positive thinking or knowledge. Perfectly normal people who would be like anyone else sans the harmful event.
Yet we can be taught as adults if we find a teacher, how to function with others and even how to have the power to get from others what we want just like those who get things from us do.
but where oh where is this teacher for me? :-] seriously where?

But many people seem to hate me at 1st meeting, i make a bad 1st impression, people will say, "when i meet you i thought you had no substance, now your my faviourte person" (someone said this to me and it was crushing.

"sorry about getting keyed up, but this shallow argument about likability is more important to competency is like saying i would rather have a friendly doctor who made me feel good about myself but didn't know diddly to a grumpy old doctor who never missed a diagnosis"

I guess for a surgery you wouldn't care, but for a family doctor you need to communicate, my family doctor i grew up with was such a nice guy, funny nice, the kind of guy you could tell at 13 you were smoking and he could tell you whats wrong with it, no problem, never scared of needles with him stuff like that, then we got this old fart that scared the heck out of our whole family, my sister refused to see him so we switced doctors.

the bottom line is in life the best most useful people, the ones that have created a high standard of living, are able to do what needs to be done, and if it works or not, they smile and the work with others well,

So both things are important, if someone is not able to work in a social setting there are useless regardless of their skill set. If someone is social they will learn to do what needs to be done, people will be happy to help, and to "fit in" they will learn to get the job done right. they are a better person to have on your team.

The worst type is smartass that ignores everyone and can't get along, they need to be canned.

The same thing a shy person looses out on in life, is the same thing that the company looses out on by having a shy person around.

Being outgoing and social is the most valuable skill a person can have in life, work, love…. everything. In fact for most of the time humans were on this earth (perhaps including now) if you couldn't fit in you were killed, or starved..

so now we have invented these private spaces were someone can live cut off from everyone, not happy, but they can survive, its not normal, its sad.

I am both people here, people loved me when i was young, i have a endless imagination, funny, smart…, but i was small so people picked on me, i am not serious about school so the good kids looked down on me.

Now that i am old, people are mad if they see me meeting new people,having fun, dancing crazy, still considering myself any artist even though i kind of suck, stuff like that.

Basicly i figure people should be nice to everyone that hasn't did anything really bad and forgive them for there faults, the only people i hate is people with this high moral compass of there own can be a hippy or a upper class yuppie, that judge others for just going with life and being themselves.

Someone was pointing out standards of living of americans now and before and people from around the world being "bettery", well i am Canadian first off, i will tell you what propelled the Americans (and Canuks) is our abilty to not only work hard but to play and to make jokes, and to make music, and to attempt big things,and to be Social !

If you want to see how screwed up a overworked, boring, antisocial, unfriendly enviroment is , just go sample the middle east, or parts of asia, or even France !

If the standard of life is going down, its because it was too high, to wasteful and we live on a limited planet with only so much resources to waste (and thats shameful to me to waste) and its going down because people are snobby, uptight, scared, in fear and have never grown up to face themself and get over themself,

If a company wants to do good in this day in age, it has to have people that say hello, if a city wants to stay save it has to be fun and social, if the human race wants to survive we have to get along, be nice to each other, don't judge people buy there outside, and most of all, give it a shot, accept that friend are more important than all the riches in the world.

You can come to where i live and you can buy a property for 1/2 a million, or you could come here and make friends and be offered a rental at less then the property taxes, by a property and get everyone distances, you life will suck, be social and giving, you will have endless parties, boat trips, people will bring you smoked salmon and fresh pot they grew in the yard… its big difference.

Anyone with any smarts will see how important it is to be social and liked.

it is not about fake. it is funk.

many quiet people i have met are very intelligent but are relegated to either jobs that bear the responsibility without the benefits, (thats ok, they don't like to be in the lime light anyway…..right?) or are given tedious jobs UNTIL the make or break assignment comes up and NO ONE wants to take the heat if it fails. so who do they call? the quiet bright guy but the boss gets the credit when it succeeds. seen that before.

also because many quiet people are intelligent, the bosses who got their positions by politics (it just shows they know how to use…i'm sorry manage their assets) are nervous around bright people who could make them look bad and or see right through them.

one thing about leaders who are social butterflys is they have a tremendous fear that someone will see through them and figure out there is no substance.

this article is sad in that it tries to justify a discriminatory policy set up by those whose only asset is to placate weak peoples egos. one poster is correct…we are supposed to be at work to produce…you know why america became the strongest nation in the world? just like we're supposed to be in school to learn….oh, sorry.

sorry about getting keyed up, but this shallow argument about likability is more important to competency is like saying i would rather have a friendly doctor who made me feel good about myself but didn't know diddly to a grumpy old doctor who never missed a diagnosis. jesus, its not like i'm gonna spend weekends with the doc drinking. why do i care if he is a grump?