Comments on: Networking for a new generation: Be authentic http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/07/02/networking-for-a-new-generation-be-authentic/ Advice at the intersection of work and life Wed, 20 Aug 2008 23:28:06 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: Driving with Geoffrey Gilmore [Part 3 of 5] &raquo Coffee and Celluloid http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/07/02/networking-for-a-new-generation-be-authentic/#comment-149860 Driving with Geoffrey Gilmore [Part 3 of 5] &raquo Coffee and Celluloid Fri, 04 Jul 2008 11:33:26 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/07/02/networking-for-a-new-generation-be-authentic/#comment-149860 [...] time it was just Geoffrey and I in the car, a scenario where I was wondering what would happen. What do we talk about? “So…you like [...] […] time it was just Geoffrey and I in the car, a scenario where I was wondering what would happen. What do we talk about? "So…you like […]

]]> By: Fazed http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/07/02/networking-for-a-new-generation-be-authentic/#comment-126657 Fazed Wed, 19 Dec 2007 12:50:41 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/07/02/networking-for-a-new-generation-be-authentic/#comment-126657 My friend made a test on Facebook: he randomly clicked on his peoples lists of friends to see how long it would take to find someone he knew, too. It took him about 5 clicks. This proves that it's not just your friends and coworkers who are your social circle - their friends and families are, too! Our social circles are way bigger than we normally think they are. That little experiment made me finally understand how networking works and why I was having trouble: I should have relaxed, open myself and as you say, be authentic and connect with others. But instead I tried to be interesting and give people impressive reasons to like me... My friend made a test on Facebook: he randomly clicked on his peoples lists of friends to see how long it would take to find someone he knew, too. It took him about 5 clicks. This proves that it's not just your friends and coworkers who are your social circle - their friends and families are, too! Our social circles are way bigger than we normally think they are. That little experiment made me finally understand how networking works and why I was having trouble: I should have relaxed, open myself and as you say, be authentic and connect with others. But instead I tried to be interesting and give people impressive reasons to like me…

]]> By: perspicacious http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/07/02/networking-for-a-new-generation-be-authentic/#comment-86855 perspicacious Sat, 09 Jun 2007 14:41:33 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/07/02/networking-for-a-new-generation-be-authentic/#comment-86855 Ms Trunk, this has been an interesting read albeit typical. Just so I understand you. You are telling people that they should sacrafice themselves in-order to fit the social situation regardless. That they should adapt to the current master at any cost, in this case that master being the social network at work. This isn't a new trend it is as old as humans the only problem is it used to be implied but now it is driven. I have a better piece of advice for those poor hardworking, forgotten, unappreicated souls that will work their asses off and will never be 'liked' or rewarded in kind. The reason you, the worthy, are not liked is that you have true, not feigned, self-respect, you are your own person and you come to work to do a job and do well with pride and dignity and the folks that 'fit' well and are 'apparently' always liked, "usually" are that way because they are whores. So, no matter what you do to fit in they will always know you are your own person and they will never be. This causes an enormous amount of stress for them since they have submitted without question, and you won't. You see the problem now. Regardless of how nice you attempt to be that rift will always be there. This is why your best efforts to get-along, fit-in or be-liked have failed. Power over others is the only tool they have and since you have power over yourself and a strong sense of self-awareness they can't coerce your submission. Believe me, they don't like you. So, your options are to accept your position as worker and not player at work and take what gratification you can from the job you are doing since the company and it's social network are 'never' going to reward you appropriately. Your socializing takes place at home with family and hard won friends and that is where it'll have to stay since there are very few of you in the corporate work place. If you truly want to better your 'financial' lot in life then likely as not you'll have to go out on your own. Start a small company, grow it to a small powerhouse and sell it to the company you previously worked for since all chance of creativity there has been crushed by that ever expanding army of whores they are cultivating. This is why virtually all creative effort is done in isolation and NOTHING new will ever come out of a committee. Management by consensus is the only option for them now and the tumor will only get bigger. Sorry for the long winded pep-talk but Ms Truck isn't capable of it and I thought you deserved it. Ms Trunk, this has been an interesting read albeit typical. Just so I understand you. You are telling people that they should sacrafice themselves in-order to fit the social situation regardless. That they should adapt to the current master at any cost, in this case that master being the social network at work. This isn't a new trend it is as old as humans the only problem is it used to be implied but now it is driven.

I have a better piece of advice for those poor hardworking, forgotten, unappreicated souls that will work their asses off and will never be 'liked' or rewarded in kind. The reason you, the worthy, are not liked is that you have true, not feigned, self-respect, you are your own person and you come to work to do a job and do well with pride and dignity and the folks that 'fit' well and are 'apparently' always liked, "usually" are that way because they are whores. So, no matter what you do to fit in they will always know you are your own person and they will never be. This causes an enormous amount of stress for them since they have submitted without question, and you won't. You see the problem now. Regardless of how nice you attempt to be that rift will always be there. This is why your best efforts to get-along, fit-in or be-liked have failed. Power over others is the only tool they have and since you have power over yourself and a strong sense of self-awareness they can't coerce your submission. Believe me, they don't like you.

So, your options are to accept your position as worker and not player at work and take what gratification you can from the job you are doing since the company and it's social network are 'never' going to reward you appropriately. Your socializing takes place at home with family and hard won friends and that is where it'll have to stay since there are very few of you in the corporate work place. If you truly want to better your 'financial' lot in life then likely as not you'll have to go out on your own. Start a small company, grow it to a small powerhouse and sell it to the company you previously worked for since all chance of creativity there has been crushed by that ever expanding army of whores they are cultivating. This is why virtually all creative effort is done in isolation and NOTHING new will ever come out of a committee. Management by consensus is the only option for them now and the tumor will only get bigger. Sorry for the long winded pep-talk but Ms Truck isn't capable of it and I thought you deserved it.

]]> By: Charles E. Martin http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/07/02/networking-for-a-new-generation-be-authentic/#comment-80408 Charles E. Martin Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:22:03 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/07/02/networking-for-a-new-generation-be-authentic/#comment-80408 God, how I wish I could be liked at work. I bust my balls, and I generally want to be a nice person. There is not one evil bone in my body. I am kind to the helpless, the widow, and the orphan. I don't know what it is , but people sneak up to the supervisor behind my back at tell him "I don't want to work with Charles Martin", and I never know why! ******** <em>Charles, I'm really sorry that work is so hard for you. When you know you are not liked, and you know you want to change it, but you can't, it's time to get professional help. It's not always clear when our work problems need a career coach and when they need a psychologist/social worker. This problem needs the latter. We can all figure out how to be likable. It comes more easily to some of us than others. Everyone needs help with something, though. None of us is perfect. I add this last part to encourage you to get help because needing help is so normal. -- Penelope </em>   God, how I wish I could be liked at work. I bust my balls, and I generally want to be a nice person. There is not one evil bone in my body. I am kind to the helpless, the widow, and the orphan.

I don't know what it is , but people sneak up to the supervisor behind my back at tell him "I don't want to work with Charles Martin", and I never know why!

********

Charles,
I'm really sorry that work is so hard for you. When you know you are not
liked, and you know you want to change it, but you can't, it's time to get
professional help.

It's not always clear when our work problems need a career coach and when
they need a psychologist/social worker. This problem needs the latter. We
can all figure out how to be likable. It comes more easily to some of us
than others. Everyone needs help with something, though. None of us is
perfect. I add this last part to encourage you to get help because needing
help is so normal.

– Penelope

 

]]> By: clk http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/07/02/networking-for-a-new-generation-be-authentic/#comment-80302 clk Fri, 01 Jun 2007 12:33:45 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/07/02/networking-for-a-new-generation-be-authentic/#comment-80302 I don't beleive in what you say, you make a job out to be a popularity contest not that you know how to do your job. It's no wonder that no work ever gets done anymore because you are tilling people it is more important to be liked on a job then it is to do your job. You can get ahead just becaused your liked and don't even have to know what your doing. That is also why we have no customer service any more. I don't go to a job to be liked I go because I need to earn money to pay my bills. Employers don't care about empolyees any more either. They don't care if you know what your doing if you young and wear next to nothing to work they hire you and then the person keeps brown noseing to get more money and ahead but know nothing of what they are supposed to be doing. A work place shoud not be a popularity contest your supposed to your job and socialize after hours. I don't beleive in what you say, you make a job out to be a popularity contest not that you know how to do your job. It's no wonder that no work ever gets done anymore because you are tilling people it is more important to be liked on a job then it is to do your job. You can get ahead just becaused your liked and don't even have to know what your doing. That is also why we have no customer service any more. I don't go to a job to be liked I go because I need to earn money to pay my bills. Employers don't care about empolyees any more either. They don't care if you know what your doing if you young and wear next to nothing to work they hire you and then the person keeps brown noseing to get more money and ahead but know nothing of what they are supposed to be doing. A work place shoud not be a popularity contest your supposed to your job and socialize after hours.

]]> By: Lisa http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/07/02/networking-for-a-new-generation-be-authentic/#comment-51137 Lisa Mon, 02 Apr 2007 01:13:25 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/07/02/networking-for-a-new-generation-be-authentic/#comment-51137 I read your article with great interest. It hit a spot with me when you worte: "you’ll wake up when you’re 40 years old in a cube and upset that a 30-year-old is your boss. And you’ll say to yourself that the person got the job because the boss likes him better. And the answer will be, right.” This is what actually is happening now. Although I can get along with everyone but apparently I was told that they have bad impression of me. It sound very contradicting and it seems that for the past 6 years in this oragainsation i dont seem to be able to change their mindset about me. And I'm pertually being bypass on promotion. What do you think I should do? Should i start afresh again in another workplace? * * * * * * <em>It's great that you recognize what has happened to you. That's half the battle. Some people stay and stay and don't realize they are not going to go anywhere from where they are.</em><em>So, you probably do need to leave that company and go somewhere where people will really like you. But it seems like a good idea to get some help to figure out where you went wrong at the company so that you don't do it again at the next place you go. --Penelope </em> I read your article with great interest. It hit a spot with me when you worte: "you’ll wake up when you’re 40 years old in a cube and upset that a 30-year-old is your boss. And you’ll say to yourself that the person got the job because the boss likes him better. And the answer will be, right.”

This is what actually is happening now.
Although I can get along with everyone but apparently I was told that they have bad impression of me. It sound very contradicting and it seems that for the past 6 years in this oragainsation i dont seem to be able to change their mindset about me. And I'm pertually being bypass on promotion. What do you think I should do? Should i start afresh again in another workplace?

* * * * * *
It's great that you recognize what has happened to you. That's half the battle. Some people stay and stay and don't realize they are not going to go anywhere from where they are.So, you probably do need to leave that company and go somewhere where people will really like you. But it seems like a good idea to get some help to figure out where you went wrong at the company so that you don't do it again at the next place you go.

–Penelope

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