I don't think it was you but someone else: "Edged in stone!!"

People, please! Don't have babies when you cannot even write precise English in a short post. You won't be able to help your kids w/their homework.

But my putting so much pressure on my husband finally made him break down & agree to have the vasectomy reversed. But then I realized how selfish & not right it was for ME to decide for us to have another child. If both people are not in agreement, I don't think it is right to have another child (if there is a choice). A child needs both parents to be 100% for the decision & we were in the position to make a decision (our 1st was not "planned" exactly, but this would be a PLANNED PREGNANCY–reversing a vasectomy…

So we did not have another baby (biologically), but did become foster parents so my "maternal" instincts could be fulfilled & it was a great experience to provide love for these infants going up for adoption (both my husband & I have sisters who were adopted into our families so we are strong proponents of adoption).

And the state paid for their medical care. We did pay for many expenses, but the large expenses of medical care was paid by the state.

I say – so. I just would't be here and the earth has plenty of people.

and she said I should consider that it's the woman who carries the baby for 9 months.

Well, after that – theres up to 24 YEARS to pay for it if it's a mistake and only one of the parents wanted it.

It could keep your finances under stress, you time together limited or not fun anymore, travel down the tube, business success lessened.

There's nothing wrong with having kids if both parents WANT them but all these things have to be considered.

I know the schedule that woman in college working on her phd and having kids too would be far too much for most (many) women.

And to the guy who says having kids is BETTER for us – I say sez who?

John Hansen

Most men know that a relationship involves commitment and that almost always means kids and a lifetime of doing something other than what he wants to do with his life.

SO if like me – he still likes women he will spend time with them and try to avoid marriage. The kid thing is what keeps most of us at a distance. My wonderful wife (very early in or relationship) told me firt that she really didn't want to ever be a parent. A lot of people wonder if there is something wrong with her or us but we know that was the right path.

Men who are "players" probably want much of what a woman has to offer but they know that (usually) she is preoccupied with getting a situatio where she can become pregnant. That's not a good situation for most o fus. And it's long been known that women change after marriage.

One woman I met invited me to her house – I took my guitar and we sang together very nicely – then she began to berate me because I didnt have any responsibilities and she had 3 kids (like I was the cause of that) I guess she thought I might marry her to absolve myself of guilt. Instead I just left.

Not wanting kids is widespread among men of all ages and those that do have them often do it to keep a woman but we too have our resentments. And a marriage between two people with such widely different goals is ot likely to last.

Thanks for your post

MajorHart

I was alone for about 15 years and in college (although not a professional field) and I had a lot of friends when I could find time for them. I enjoyed my life the as I do now.

What employers or colleagss would take a woman seriously if they kew she would not be there for the long haul.

I knew many women who were looking for support so they could spend their lives raising kids. I saw many young women starting to rise up in corportions or as entrepreneurs – they suddenly abandoned their careers and became pregnant. I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as both partners want it but being compelled to do that would ruin the chances of a happy, long term marriage. One of the partners is going to feel neglected and the marriage has little chance of survival in my view.

Still it's good to have forums like this so we can discusee the issues.

Life is somewhat of a treadmill anyway – having such an agenda would make it not worth living for many. I had numerous times when the chemistry was perfect between myself and a woman but I knew if I told her I didn't want kids – she would lose all interest and move on. SO I Kept my distance physically from those women. Some probably wondered if I was gay.

You're among quite a few women though that feel as you do. I have the greatest admiraton for you and that type of women. They are not usually heard of in forums like this, but they are here too.

Thanks again.