Comments on: I can't pronounce my son's last name http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2003/06/03/i-cant-pronounce-my-sons-last-name/ Advice at the intersection of work and life Sat, 21 Nov 2009 10:27:21 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc hourly 1 By: Charles Xavier http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2003/06/03/i-cant-pronounce-my-sons-last-name/comment-page-1/#comment-180262 Charles Xavier Sat, 31 Jan 2009 16:51:13 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2003/06/03/i-cant-pronounce-my-sons-last-name/#comment-180262 Love your column, Penelope. You cannot protect your child from everything. Your child's name could be as non-Hispanic, non-Jewish and "all-American" as any, but then if it happens to rhyme with any curseword on the planet, it's all for naught. Part of childhood is learning how to deal with other people's unincited meanness toward you. In my childhood, kids were picked on for no other reason than their name. It made me mad, but it was also (eventually) clear to me that it had nothing to do with me, and more to do with the meanness of the person throwing the insults. Take it from a middle school teacher...your kid will have more insults to weather with the easily-tease-able name "Trunk" than "Rodriguez". Regarding the racism issue, it will not disappear by "disappearing" minority cultures. Your son is part latino whether his name is Trunk or Rodriguez. Even if he gets that job in a company that wouldn't have hired him with a latino surname, he's still Jewtino. So now he's in, but he's surrounded by an office full prejudiced people. He has to deal with the prejudice ANYWAY. HR departments' discrimination against minorities will only disappear if there are *more* minorities around, not fewer. What your son needs is to know that these invisible obstacles are out there, and how to get around them. Even if you and your husband were both privileged WASPy old-money types, you'd still have discrimination working against you for *that* in many circles. Everyone of every class and race has to deal with prejudice. This is not a color-blind society. There are myriad traits your child could inherit from his parents that could lead to an "imperfect" life. What if he inherits bad eyesight? baldness? a weak heart? freckles? You can't control the world through your child. You can't eliminate racism or nearsightedness or Rogaine or nasty children's rhymes thrown at freckled children. You must give the child the tools: whether they be tangible (like glasses), or intangible (like self-confidence). Love your column, Penelope.
You cannot protect your child from everything. Your child's name could be as non-Hispanic, non-Jewish and "all-American" as any, but then if it happens to rhyme with any curseword on the planet, it's all for naught. Part of childhood is learning how to deal with other people's unincited meanness toward you. In my childhood, kids were picked on for no other reason than their name. It made me mad, but it was also (eventually) clear to me that it had nothing to do with me, and more to do with the meanness of the person throwing the insults. Take it from a middle school teacher…your kid will have more insults to weather with the easily-tease-able name "Trunk" than "Rodriguez".

Regarding the racism issue, it will not disappear by "disappearing" minority cultures. Your son is part latino whether his name is Trunk or Rodriguez. Even if he gets that job in a company that wouldn't have hired him with a latino surname, he's still Jewtino. So now he's in, but he's surrounded by an office full prejudiced people. He has to deal with the prejudice ANYWAY.

HR departments' discrimination against minorities will only disappear if there are *more* minorities around, not fewer. What your son needs is to know that these invisible obstacles are out there, and how to get around them. Even if you and your husband were both privileged WASPy old-money types, you'd still have discrimination working against you for *that* in many circles. Everyone of every class and race has to deal with prejudice. This is not a color-blind society.

There are myriad traits your child could inherit from his parents that could lead to an "imperfect" life. What if he inherits bad eyesight? baldness? a weak heart? freckles? You can't control the world through your child. You can't eliminate racism or nearsightedness or Rogaine or nasty children's rhymes thrown at freckled children. You must give the child the tools: whether they be tangible (like glasses), or intangible (like self-confidence).

]]> By: The dilemma of a name, mine in particular » 16th letter » Blog Archive http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2003/06/03/i-cant-pronounce-my-sons-last-name/comment-page-1/#comment-179741 The dilemma of a name, mine in particular » 16th letter » Blog Archive Thu, 22 Jan 2009 07:31:22 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2003/06/03/i-cant-pronounce-my-sons-last-name/#comment-179741 [...] focused on leaving the name Melissa Reyen, which I was quite fond of, and wondering how many times people would make assumptions about me if I had the last name Chang. (Watch this clip from Seinfeld if you’re wondering what [...] [...] focused on leaving the name Melissa Reyen, which I was quite fond of, and wondering how many times people would make assumptions about me if I had the last name Chang. (Watch this clip from Seinfeld if you're wondering what [...]

]]> By: Mendez http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2003/06/03/i-cant-pronounce-my-sons-last-name/comment-page-1/#comment-178869 Mendez Tue, 06 Jan 2009 20:38:03 +0000 http://lolindrath.dyndns.org/lolindrath/wordpress/2003/06/03/i-cant-pronounce-my-sons-last-name/#comment-178869 you are part of the problem. you are part of the problem.

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