Comments on: Leave the family business to know if you should stay

By: Dexy

Dexy — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 20:27:00 +0000

Hey matt, i see everyone in christchurch is still keeping on after the earthquake, and the container stores have been set up for the locals.. And im sure it has made everyone appreciate each other including strangers and people around the neighbourhood. Did you get to see the ABs when they were there?

I'm in this life long dilemma on whether to stay or leave the family business. My family came to auckland in 1987, lived in a caravan for a year while dad worked 3 jobs plus selling at the fleamarkets from the early mornings. 20+ years later we have a successful import/wholesale business and today i still play an important role in the company. I know that if i leave it would leave my parents handicapped, and the business deemed to be a mess without a family member' eagle eyes to watch over everything, resulting in them to sell.

I feel so guilty leaving, after what my parents have gone through to keep us afloat and to have provided us so much throughout our lifetime.It feels like i've lost my identity and direction. Now 30 and seeing friends living their lives without the woes and worries like i have, i'm taking some timeout to do some self reflection and reading to rediscover who i used to be and what i loved. Its a scary thought of going out there but i know i have to conquer my fears, for i know no can help me but me. Id be happier if my parents can sell the business, and live a worry-free retirement. They deserve to enjoy themselves while they still can.

I dont want to be a martyr anymore, time to look and love myself and respect myself. I'll always be there for them, i love them dearly, but time to do what is best for everyone.

By: Matt

Matt — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 03:29:26 +0000

Sorry Jenny, I meant to say "take each day at a time [without] worrying too much about the future"… It really does help :)

By: Matt

Matt — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 03:27:19 +0000

Hey Jenny, in the end I decided to stay. When I posted that comment it was just prior to the Canterbury earthquake here in Christchurch (New Zealand). The quake and events following it changed my whole outlook on life. We had to relocate our office due to damage and it really makes you stop and appreciate the little things. There are still people in some areas of the city without power and water, so what I thought was major issue was really nothing by comparison to what some have to go through. Now I just take each day at a time and worry about the future. Wishing you all the best :) Cheers, Matt

By: Jenny

Jenny — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 16:05:31 +0000

Hey Matt, I am in a similar situation as you. I am wondering if you have gotten to the point of making a decision? I am hoping I can learn from other people's experience so I can make a decision myself.

By: Matt

Matt — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 05:31:30 +0000

It's reassuring to see that I'm not the only one in this position.. from the feedback this blog has received there are quite a few people out there struggling with the exact same problem.

I joined the family business around 4 years ago after my father's business partner of 25 years was diagnosed with cancer. As a result he was forced into early retirement and the future of the business was uncertain. Since I joined the company it has gone through some major changes, most of which inspired by myself. We are in a specialised, growing market, and we are very successful at what we do. I know that if I stayed I would be guaranteed a solid income for the rest of my life. The general unspoken assumption from everyone at this stage is that I would eventually take over the business.

Although I have success and money on a plate, I'm at a crossroads and don't know what to do for the best. There's a part of me that feels trapped, almost as if I signed my employment contract for life. My finance (also of 4 years) has moved here from her home country to be with me. She gets very homesick a lot of the time and there's a big part of me that just wishes I could pack up and live with her overseas. I feel like I would be letting my father down if I told him I'm leaving. He had told me in the past that I'm free to do what I like, but when it comes down to it I would feel very guilty. I know that the more I become involved, the harder it will be to leave.

I think I need to weigh up everything and decide for once what's best for me, for my life.

By: yessuree

yessuree — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 23:34:52 +0000

Great Blog, thank you for the advice and encouragement. I recently decided to leave my family business and it has been a huge weight that was lifted off my shoulders once I told my father. I struggled with this decision for a long time while many people insisted that I would be crazy to do such a thing. I am grateful for the experiences I've had but I am ready to take that leap of faith on move on.

By: physio123

physio123 — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 13:11:44 +0000

Very good information.

By: MsMonkeyMind

MsMonkeyMind — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 23:42:09 +0000

This is very pertinent to me right now. I started with the family business (rather, partly family owned),straight after college and built the marketing department from zero, now to a fully functioning team of 5. It's my baby. I mostly really enjoy my job. I love working for my father, we get on great for the most part. I like feeling like I'm contributing to the family's fortune. The trouble is it's not entirely owned by the family and I feel like I am giving up far too much at the start of my career. I carry a lot of responsibility and my father would lose a lot if I go, but I feel I need to move on for the sake of my own personal development, for building my resume. At the same time I am scared/reluctant to leave because my current role is secure, supported, interesting, and familiar. I am scared if I will hate my next job and regret the move! There are always opportunities coming up and I am concerned that I will miss a fantastic one if I leave… but yet that will always be the case. I don't think there is ever a good time to leave…. Perhaps I should make a pros and cons list. Does anyone have a similar experience?

By: professional seo

professional seo — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 17:26:59 +0000

Success comes only from discipline training and loving your work. Great blog, fantastic informations. thanks.

By: 67 vanner

67 vanner — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 15:54:34 +0000

I just gave my notice to my father last night. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. The family business is all I have ever known. I feel like I have given up and let everyone down by leaving. But I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm constantly trying to do what is right for the business and what my father wants that I feel my needs are not being met. I'm working towards his retirement and not mine. And although that may sound selfish…I am expected to buy the business and by that time I am 40 with a large financial commitment, just begining to work towards my retirement. I feel like I am buying myself a job…that I will work even harder at then I am now. So finally I have decided to leave. I'm scared but I also know today is the rest of MY life. I'm not sure how things could have been different…family businesses are very complicated relationships. We know how to emotionally manipulate each other into certain situations and it becomes very unhealthy. I'm hoping our father son relationship will benefit from my departure, but at this point it has to get worse before it can get better.