Comments on: Leverage sexual harassment

By: Education

Education — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 22:53:03 +0000

When he took me out for lunch on my second day on the job, he told me he once fell in love with a woman as tall as I am but was intimidated by her height, so they just had casual sex. I said nothing in response.

By: Should I report this? | Young and Employed

Should I report this? | Young and Employed — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 20:25:58 +0000

[...] in a past blog post it is often better to not report sexual harassment and sometimes you can even leverage sexual harassment to advance your career. I believe that most cases of slight inappropriateness are honest mistakes and harmless and it is [...]

By: Sarah Palin News And Gossip » Blog Archive » Workplace situations we don’t talk about

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 14:03:22 +0000

[...] find, through advice and personal experience, that women who work for men who are attracted to them have a little bit of power from that attraction. But the women lose that power if they give in and sleep with the guy. This seems right. (Hopefully [...]

By: Flagpole Sitta

Flagpole Sitta — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 22:40:19 +0000

yuck... Flagpole Sitta

By: Rachel

Rachel — Thu, 14 May 2009 19:31:27 +0000

Actually, I quit a job at 21 over a situation very similar to Sydney's. The sad part is that I actually did try to report my boss. I attempted several times to reach HIS boss to have a meeting over my boss's behavior (stroking my hair, comparing coworkers' and my breast sizes, coming up and giving me unrequested neck-rubs while breathing heavily), but the only response I ever got from him was that he was too busy to meet with me and he was sure that whatever it was was not a big deal. I quit that job (at my university, actually) and yeah, the no-income thing is a real problem. I lived off credit cards for the remainder of my senior year, and it wasn't because I couldn't find a good job–it was because I couldn't go back in time–only at a different job–and work my way through several promotions and raises to the point where I had been at my last job, where I had worked for over two years. In retrospect, I don't know what I learned from the whole deal. I don't know whether it's good to try to do the right thing, or whether it's worth it to take Penelope's advice. All I know is, if I need an income, I need an income, and that makes me less ready to dismiss Penelope's idea. I think she might just be on target, actually.

By: Sydney

Sydney — Fri, 08 May 2009 21:23:09 +0000

I'm 21 years old, and I just quit my old job this week for the same reason. Sure I could have sued, but it wouldn't have fixed anytihing. I just spent the last year laughing it off, and 2 months quietly finding a new job. I'll never approve of my bosses ( yes, as in in more than 1 boss) comenting on my co-workers breast size size. Or asking to kiss me. Or discussing my butt. I am just here to work because I have to make a living too.

By: Sally

Sally — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 21:00:24 +0000

I recently came across Penelope's blog, so I'm making my way through some of the older entries.

This one is fascinating. I think the point that Penelope makes is that harassment happens ALL THE TIME.

My worst situation was a manager (not mine) who used to email me descriptions of my body, 'jokingly'. He asked me out several times and I continued to decline. He started to critique everything I did, the way I said hello to people etc, even though he wasn't my manager. After walking back into the office after one of our 'out the back' discussions, where I again asked him to leave me alone, I muttered something under my breath about him. He heard it. From that point on he made my work life miserable. He humiliated me in meetings, road blocked my work, etc. I never reported it and I have always felt guilty and that I let my sisterhood down. One of the reasons I didn't is that he was extremely popular. He was very charismatic, outgoing and a hard worker. In such small, tight knit organisation my complaints would have made me extremely unpopular. That job continues to be one of my favourites. I loved the changes we made there and the vast amount of people we influenced and assisted. My manager at that time is still listed as one of my referees. And I refer to the successes I made in that organisation in every interview I go into.

I am still wracked with guilt for not reporting it. It has been therapeutic to read Penelope's blog. Absolutes are not always helpful. Each person has to deal with the consequences of their choices. Ignoring the fact that there are consequences doesn’t make them go away.

By: Catherine

Catherine — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 04:39:11 +0000

This is obviously a topic which people feel strongly about. One angle which hasn't been explicity addressed is CHOICE. Penelope had the option to pick anc choose her response. Let us not forget that she only has that choice because generations of women before her have fought the hard fight and put the social principle ahead of their own comfort for the benefit of others. That's not to criticise Penelope, but to point out she would not be in her position if it weren't for those who came before. She could choose between staying, saying something, changing jobs, requesting a different department or fighting it in court. None of those options were available to 19th century women chaining themselves to railings.
Equally as important, Penelope is educated, experienced and in a well-paid professional position in a big company.
There are thousands of women in America and the world who still do not have the choices Penelope, and others like her, take for granted every day.
I'm not saying Penelope was right or wrong – just that we need to view her position as a privileged one, and that is was no accident she could choose as she did.

By: Ashanta

Ashanta — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 20:25:51 +0000

I am amazed that people are still commenting on this article. I first read it and commented on it June 17, 2007. This is a hot topic. It has been more than a year since I have read anything from the Brazen Careerist on Yahoo.com and her articles used to show up at least every few months.
I guess I am most disappointed that women continue to have to go through such things as Cheryl has, but more than that I wonder why we put up with so much and don't fight things sooner when we are stronger; before the weight of the problem has stripped us emoitonally, physically, and mentally.
Trust me, I am fully aware that psychologically these issues are hard to overcome. Your confidentiality was violated, probably not by your HR dept., but by the perpertrator himself. People distance themselves because they see that what is happening to you is wrong and they are afraid that they will be targeted next if they remain close or supportive, not necessarily because they agree with the status quo (although, that is too often true). These are hard situations to deal with, especially alone.
Discrimination happens on so many different levels, but only ends with being brought to the light. The idea that it is a man's world needs to change or that it's a "white" man's world. There is only one world, and we all have to live in it. When we see abuse happening it is too easy to stay quiet. Maybe someday we will each find the strength to fight it like so many do – and win.
Now that I am in Human Resources, much of the training I have gotten to do has focused on how employers have lost cases based on retaliation, emotional distress caused by reporting harassment. All of the things you have experienced at your company men and women have fought and won back and front pay.
It takes a little more strength to keep fighting for your rights, but I hope you find that strength before the statute of limitations runs out. I didn't, unfortunately, but had my personal life not been falling apart at the same time as my professional life – I would have.

By: A victim of Sexual Harrastment

A victim of Sexual Harrastment — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 19:08:45 +0000

Unfortunately, I would have to agree with Penelope. After changing jobs within the company I was with in an effort to move up in my career, I started being sexually harassed by my new Director (within the first 2 months of being in the job). And this was no mild harassment; it was “I want to have a baby with you” type of harassment. I tolerated it for about 6 months before going to HR to ask if I could be considered for other job opportunities, because I was no longer able to work the long hours the job required. I tried my best not to tell the truth about what was really going on, however for some reason HR then called me in to ask if my then boss had made any sexual advances towards me, at which point I was not going to lie. So I told the truth and that was the end of my career in that particular company. They let my Director go, and I was promised a transfer to a different department. Although they assured me that my claim was going to remain confidential, everybody found out I was the reason he was let go and I was never transferred into a different department. Not only was I not transferred to a different department, but I was assigned to report up to my ex-director’s good friend (who wanted nothing to do with me, and took it upon himself to inform some of the people I supported about the incident). People who I had a good professional relationship with started to distance themselves from me, and others would ask me point blank if I had something to do with what had happened. The embarrassment and the combined stress I was under with my demanding job, and this situation was so great that for the first time in my life I had to start taking prescription drugs to sleep and to help with my anxiety. After being on medication for 2 months I realized that things were never going to be the same for me anymore, and I was going to go nowhere within that company. I continued to search for jobs within the company and outside of the company with no luck. At that point I realized that I could not take it anymore, and resigned from my job. The best the company could offer me when I resigned was 1 month and 2 weeks of pay and no one took responsibility for the emotional and career damage I’ve endure. All of this just because I was honest, and utilized the rights I thought I had. I think it is very sad that women still in this time and age have to go through these situations. I also believe that those of us who have had to pay the high price for utilizing our rights need to come together and speak out to the public so that other women won’t have to go through this.