Comments on: Leverage sexual harassment

By: m

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 13:53:44 +0000

It's interesting to think about Penelope's reaction to sexual harrassment, as described here, in comparison to her self-reported stories about how her parents sexually abused her, how even as an adult she couldn't quite see what was wrong about some of that abuse (see the story of her trying-to-work-in-nude-modelling photographs taken by her dad when she was in her early 20s and not understanding why they shocked her boyfriend), how she freaked out as an adult when sleeping alone in a tent with her dad and he pressed his penis against her but she just lay there, how she let her dad come see her in Wisconsin recently when she was upset about experiencing being hit by her husband. (I do not mean to be muck-rakeing, but Penelope freely told those stories, and there might be connections between them and this article on sexual harrassment).
I think this rings true with a lot of women (and men), who are exposed so early in their lives to degradation, abuse, and implied threats to their safety that the idea that "you have to go along to get along" gets engrained into their spirits. Then, their fear, cowardice and self-serving responses when experiencing harrassment and inappropriate behavior as adults serves to keep the abusers and jerks in positions of authority and power, and puts many other women/men who come after them in harm's way.
Of course, these are ethical issues and personal choices. Very few humans stick their necks out for truth and goodness and "what is right". It's been studied quite a lot in recent years, and I think the percentage is less than 10% of people will really defend their beliefs etc. if it's potentially dangerous to do so, or if they might become unpopular or suffer consequences. Humans are simply built to "go along to get along", and that is too bad — but it makes those who do fight for what is right even more amazing and admirable. It is safer to keep your head down and kiss the feet of bullies and monsters and simply hope that they will turn their attentions to someone else and allow you to stay because you are useful and spineless.
One learning point from this is that post and its reader comments is you really can't expect anyone around you, even apparently smart and decent people who don't seem to mean you any harm, to come to your aid if you are having trouble or even if you are following the law.
There is something inbuilt in humans that makes us want to punish the individual that harms the cohesion of our group, even if the group is wrong and that individual is right.
After that fact soaked into my understanding of life, I began to see "civilization" with an entirely new respect and awe, because it's taken so many brave people over the centuries/millenia to make the advances in society that we enjoy today – towards fairness, developing a legal system, contract law, government checks and balances, emancipation of slaves, women's rights, laws about working conditions, and on and on. None of these things in our culture is perfect, and life can still be quite nasty, brutish, and unfair, but we've got so much to be thankful for.
I guess that Penelope is sticking up for herself and others by telling her stories of confusion and appeasement, by being searingly honest about her experiences and her choices. And that is VERY brave (and/or nuts! ha ha). She has reached as many people with her blogs/articles as successful "traditional" whistleblowers reach with their actions. And of course, by giving a lot of clues as to the identities of the people she says harmed her (her parents, her bosses, her husband), she is doing her own kind of whistleblowing, not by appealing to the authorities or laws, but by spreading the information to the public and leaving 1 and 1 to be added together to make 2. It's kind of a passive-aggressive method, but at least she's facing up to what has happened to her, and she's apparently not being sued for libel by anyone, so…. Fascinating. I have criticized commenters here for being armchair psychologists about Penelope, and I admit that this post has seen me be one as well. But I'm not condemning her, just trying to understand her.

By: The Value of Leisurely Cross-Pollination | grub street daily

The Value of Leisurely Cross-Pollination | grub street daily — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 13:27:19 +0000

[...] THE SOCIOPATH NEXT DOOR, blog posts by the brilliant Penelope Trunk (especially ones on sexual harassment). I've watched this riveting YouTube video and perused this hilarious site (though I [...]

By: CaliCajun

CaliCajun — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 01:39:00 +0000

I was sexually harassed by a manager at a small company I worked at.They previously had no sexual harassment policy. Told one of the bossess/owners who was a woman. She actually gave me a knife to use if he tried to touch me again. I asked to not be left alone with him and she said she would "see what she could do but make no promises". Well, at the advice of another manager, the company wrote an anti- sexual harassment policy for all of us to read and sign. The guy admitted to the owner and other manager that he had been harassing me. The owners wanted to keep the guy until they could find a replacement and have them trained (so about 2-3 months). They then realized that (after researching) I could sue and they fired the guy. By that time I had made up my mind and quit. I then found out that the boss was saying that I was not completely innocent, that I asked for it, which was not true. I had worked there for several years vs his 11 months. Coming from another woman, that hurt. Nobody deserves to feel like that going to work. It sucked for awhile because I had no job but I am much better off. I will never let that happen again to me or anyone else.

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By: Biz Lady

Biz Lady — Tue, 24 May 2011 16:38:27 +0000

Ha! Ok, so your article is from years ago, but is still relevant! I have experienced harassment and have both complained AND handled it privately. There are too many nuances to get into for this post, but I can squarely say that unless assault is involved, you are better off learning how to politically handle, conquer, and wield!

By: DSK in the Membrane « Chris Weigl's Blog

DSK in the Membrane « Chris Weigl's Blog — Sun, 22 May 2011 23:56:41 +0000

[...] it has become common practice for women to handle harassment themselves—either by confronting the guy, ignoring him, or changing jobs. Women, even young women, [...]

By: bird houses for sale

bird houses for sale — Wed, 04 May 2011 02:35:27 +0000

this is one of the best reads I've had n a while, i will be sure to recommend this to a couple of people, great job

By: Barbara

Barbara — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 06:50:06 +0000

it doesn't matter whether YOU consider it sexual harassment, if it is sexual harassment according to the law! Apparently you are all quite ignorant of the law on here. Please go to the EEOC website and refresh your memories:

"It is unlawful to harass a person (an applicant or employee) because of that person’s sex. Harassment can include “sexual harassment” or unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.

Harassment does not have to be of a sexual nature, however, and can include offensive remarks about a person’s sex. For example, it is illegal to harass a woman by making offensive comments about women in general.

Both victim and the harasser can be either a woman or a man, and the victim and harasser can be the same sex.

Although the law doesn’t prohibit simple teasing, offhand comments, or isolated incidents that are not very serious, harassment is illegal when it is so frequent or severe that it creates a hostile or offensive work environment or when it results in an adverse employment decision (such as the victim being fired or demoted).

The harasser can be the victim's supervisor, a supervisor in another area, a co-worker, or someone who is not an employee of the employer, such as a client or customer."

I can't believe any self-respecting woman would tell other women to turn a blind eye to harassment in the workplace.

By: nick

nick — Fri, 14 May 2010 04:23:58 +0000

You know, as a guy, I wouldn't necessarily consider that sexual harassment. I'm not saying it's cool to say stuff like that at work. Because it's not. To me, it sound like this boss talks to women the same way he talks to men. (Still, either way, not cool for work.)

Do some people abuse sexual harassment? – I think so. It's unfortunate because some people actually get sexually harassed and don't do anything about it.

Men have a harder time reading body language than women do. Better or worse, it's just the way it is. It might seem obvious to you when you give gestures that you aren't comfortable. Unfortunately, he might not read them or understand them. What you need to do is make your ideas verbal rather than visual. If he still doesn't listen, that's sexual harassment.

In my opinion, the workplace tends to be an uncomfortable place (both sexually and non sexually). People tend to be themselves. Others don't like that. I bet if you took a pole, you would find far more people who feel politically harassed than sexually harassed in the work place.

By: CCampbell

CCampbell — Tue, 04 May 2010 15:55:39 +0000

I think your plan was appropriate. As women get higher and higher up the ladder, the harassment becomes more and more extreme. I tried to fend off my attacker in a politically correct way and with consideration for a rather large ego. No such doing. After a physical assault, in a public place no less, and he being a married man –there were no takers to come to my defense.

In the end – I've been in court for three years after losing my multi-million dollar company to the harasser – my investor. He retaliated when I publicly chastised him for his bad behavior and I lost everything.

Now, I wish I would have kicked him in the balls and slapped him in the face. The results would have been the same, I would have definitely still lost my company, but the satisfaction would be all mine!

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